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Journal All The Way!

by | Dec 5, 2022 | Uncategorised

Journal all the way

Christmas can be a stressful time of year…

There are so many pressures from outside forces, whether that is social media, family, friends, the media generally, to create the perfect Hallmark worthy Christmas. We increasingly feel the pressure to have the perfect decorations, piles of presents under the tree, matching Christmas pyjamas, hot chocolate stations, elf on the shelf… the list is never ending. 

While all these things are wonderful, if that’s what you strive for, they are far from what this time of year is all about. If you ask most people, they will say that it isn’t about the presents or the decorations, it is about the people you spend time with, about enjoying quality time together. Instead we often spend days dashing around making sure everyone is properly dressed and sitting in the perfect festive scene. None of that matters.

What can you do to support your mental health at this time of year and make sure that everyone enjoys this festive time?

Well, the most important thing is to focus on the important things. As long as you have something to eat and you are together then that is the most important thing. It is important to keep this focus. Everything else is a luxury.

Making sure that you take time to breathe, even if you are basting the turkey or peeling potatoes while you do, will help you to keep your stress levels manageable too. There are lots of things you can do to be more mindful, you can read more about those here, but in for now I want to talk about how journaling can help you at this busy time of year.

I know what you’re thinking; “the last thing I need is something else to do!”, and I get it, I really do. But believe me, you can spend just 5 minutes a day journaling and the difference it will make to your day is mindblowing. It is honestly worth every minute.

There are so many journal prompts you can access, so you don’t have to go into this habit without support. I send out a prompt with my newsletter every week, I also have a Pinterest board with lots of Journal prompts that I have saved, which you are welcome to look through.

So now you know where to find a prompt, what do you do with it?

festive journaling

How do I journal?

Journaling is just a type of writing. So you will need something to write with and something to write on. It can be a brand new beautiful journal and your favourite pen, or the back of an envelope and one of the kids’ twistables! The important thing is that you are writing. If you prefer to use a digital writing form that’s fine too, although there is research that shows that your brain processes things differently when you write by hand, so if at all possible, please try to handwrite your journaling. Once you have chosen your prompt you can get started. This is how I journal and I find many people benefit from using these rituals too. 

Before I start I make sure that the place I’m sitting is comfortable and that I am warm enough (which often means a blanket and fingerless gloves at this time of year!). Then I light a candle. There is something magical about candle light and I find staring at a candle helps to calm me ready for writing.

Then I just sit and look at my candle’s flame and I take a few deep breaths and really ground and centre myself. I find this really helps me to write meaningful things. Without this step my journaling often becomes a to do list of things I need to get out of my head. Which is ok, and sometimes that is a necessary thing to do, but if you know that you have a lot of things on your mind and you need to write a to do list, sit and do that before you start journaling. 

Christmas journaling

Now you are ready to write. Read through the prompt you have chosen and write it at the top of your paper. Then, and this is the important thing, you are just going to write whatever comes into your head. No filtering, no stopping. Don’t worry about spelling, grammar, handwriting, just write. 

If you are short of time set a timer before you start, but otherwise I would recommend writing for at least 5-10 minutes (longer if possible). If you run out of things to write, just write “I don’t know what to write” over and over until it is replaced by something else. It is after this point, when you think you have written everything you can think of, that the real magic will begin to appear on the page. 

When you write without filtering your brain is able to tap into thoughts which you may not consciously have acknowledged before. It can be a very profound experience and very healing. 

Of course when you work with a journal therapist, they will encourage you to dig deep and use this writing time to really explore those thoughts and writings. If you would like support with your journaling practice please do get in touch, there are lots of ways to work with me, depending on your needs, time and budget. 

The act of sitting and writing is in itself calming and lowers your blood pressure, but when you journal in this way, it is proven to benefit your mental health. Interestingly, it is also proven to boost your immune system, what more could you need at this time of year?

Grab a notebook and pen and get writing. You won’t be sorry and your family will thank you. 

 

Can gratitude really change your life?

by | Nov 14, 2022 | Uncategorised

Gratitude

Gratitude has become a bit of a buzz word over recent years.

We hear all the time how important it is to have an “attitude of gratitude” in order to live a fullfiling and happy life. But how true is that? Is there any science behind it?

Well, I would argue that it is true, and yes there is science to back it up for anyone who thinks this concept is a little too out there for them. 

What is gratitude?

Well, put simply, it is just being thankful for what you have, being grateful for your life and everything and everyone in it.

It’s so easy to drift through life and stop noticing all the things that are really wonderful in your life. We are all guilty of it. We take things, places and people for granted and just expect them to always be there. When we practice gratitude we make an effort to notice and to write down all those things we are thankful for, but also to let those people know that we are grateful for them, that we appreciate them. 

 How can you practice gratitude?

Well, there are lots of ways to practice gratitude. My favourite is to have a gratitude journal. I keep mine by my bed. Every night you write down all the things you are grateful for. Some people suggest you write three things, but I think most days that is too easy and doesn’t exercise your gratitude muscle enough, I would say to aim for between 5 and 15 a day. The more you write down everything you are grateful for, the more reasons you will find to be grateful. 

Of course you don’t need to write it down, you can just think it or say it to yourself. I find that writing it down helps to keep me accountable though because I can see if I missed a day or two. 

Some people prefer to use a jar and every time something wonderful happens to them they write it on a slip of paper and pop it in the jar, then take things out to read either when they need a lift, or at the end of the year.

Something as simple as saying thank you to someone, maybe sending them a little card, is all part of practicing gratitude though.

journal

What’s the science though?

Well, the sience is pretty conclusive actually. You see we know now that our brains are constantly forming new pathways and changing how we go about things based on our habits and routines. 

Evolution taught us to pay more attention to dangerous and scary things, because we needed to survive. As a result, we tend to notice and remember all the bad things that happen much more easily than we do the good things. It makes sense. Those of us who survived to tell the tale were the ones that remembered that if you ate that berry you died, or that you mustn’t get too close to bears. However, now most of the things that cause us stress are far less life threatening.

gratitude

When we have a job interview, or we’re worrying about how we’re going to pay the bills going into fight or flight mode and committing that feeling to memory isn’t going to keep us safe. It is going to keep us trapped in fear and negativity. 

When we begin to make an effort to focus on the positives in life though our brain begins to reprogramme itself. We begin to notice more of the positive and magical things in life and everything feels happier.

 

Something as simple as writing down 5-10 things that you are grateful for every day could actually begin to make you feel happier and more satisfied with your life. Don’t get me wrong, I know that times are hard for many people at the moment. Harder than I can remember in my life time. So many people are worried about the cost of living and whether they can afford to put the heating on this winter. I’m not suggesting for a minute that writing down the things you are grateful for will make all those issues disappear completely. But if for example, you are reading this, then you have a phone or other smart device which allows you to read it. If you are worrying about heating your home, then you have a roof over your head. I know it isn’t always easy, but trying to see the bright side, may not remove the issues, but it may make them feel more manageable and when you are feeling more positive, you are better able to find solutions because you begin to relax. 

Do you have a gratitude practice? Do you believe gratitude is helpful for supporting your mental health? 

 

Find out more:

Plan and Dream

How gratitude changes you and your brain

 

Living with Uncertainty

by | Dec 13, 2021 | Uncategorised

Living with uncertainty

Uncertainty is one of the biggest causes of anxiety. When we don’t know what to expect our body goes into high alert in order to protect us from the unknown, and it triggers our fight, flight or freeze response. This is designed to keep us safe, unfortunately, it also triggers a series of biological reactions which is not necessary or used effectively can cause stress levels to rise. 

We all know that this is true, we have been experiencing it all our lives. We are used to having a day when we feel a little anxious because we have an exam, an interview or even a date. What happens though when we are living in a prologued period of uncertainty, like a pandemic, just to pluck an exaple from the air! Of course it might not be the pandemic that has you feeling like this, it could be during 6th form worrying about your exams or during a work placement. Perhaps you are working somewhere and there is a uncertainty because the industry is in trouble and your job might be at risk. Stress levels are high at times.

You may think that feeling a little stressed is normal, there’s no harm in a little stress to keep you on your toes. Well, stress can be incredibly harmful. Short period of stress are normal, our body can process all the chemicals our body releases when it is just a shaort term reaction. When we are living with stress all the time though, those reactions can cause high blood pressure, heart problems, even strokes. You may have noticed you aren’t sleeping well and feel tired all the time… that is caused by raised stress levels too.

Recognising that we are living in this state is the first step to managing our emotions and reactions and to calming the physical response your body has.

What can we do to help us stay calm?

There are lots  of strategies you can use to help you when you are living with uncertainty.

Here are my favourites: 

Grab a pen

It won’t surprise you that one of my favourite things to do when I am in a prolonged period of uncertainty is to journal. I grab a notebook and write about how I am feeling. I focus on the issue that is causing the uncertainty and see if there is anything I can do to rationalise the situation. Is there anything I can do to take control? Anything I can prepare for? If there is then I make a note of what to do next. I also use my journal to work through my emotions surrounding it. Is how I am feeling rational or have I been reminded of another time when things went wrong and that is why I am feeling like this. If so, how likely is it that things will turn out the same way? Write out all your thought and try to write without filtering or worrying about spelling and grammar. You might be surprised what you discover. Of course you don’t have to wait until you are in crisis to journal, you can write for a few minutes every day to stay on top of your wellbeing.

 

Meditation

Meditation is both a wonderful way to work though any emotions that you might be feeling around the situation you are in, but it also calms the nervous system. When we meditate our heart rate slows and we give our minds time to process what is happening in our lives. Meditating every day is a great way to stay on top of your mental health. There are many ways to meditate. If you try one technique and it doesn’t work for you or you aren’t able to emerge yourself, don’t give up. Guided meditation is a great starting point for most people as it is just like listening to a story.

Why not try one of my guided meditations? 

change

Breathe

If you know me you will know that I am a huge believer in the power of breath work. Simply by taking a few slow, deep breaths you can reverse the effects of your fight, flight or freeze response and begin to calm your body and mind. There are lots of breathing techniques you can use, but just thinking about your breathing will cause you to instinctively slow your breathing and your body will begin to calm down. Hot chocolate breathing is a wonderful way to calm yourself and your loved ones at this time of year. You can find out all about hot chocolate breathing in this article I wrote on Medium.

ritual

Exercise

I know! The last thing you want to be doing when you are feeling anxious and uncertain, is thinking about exercising. Most of us just want to hibernate and eat comforting food. Unfortunately that is the worst thing you can do. When we are feeling anxious or stressed our body is prepared for running away or fighting and the best way to process the chemicals produced is to exercise and use those chemicals the way they were intended to be used. You may hate every moment but your body will thank you and you will feel calmer and more in control afterwards. 

Making sure you eat healthily for at least 80% of the time is also more important than ever when we are feeling anxious. Foods we tend to turn to for comfort; sugary, high fat, caffeinated, alcoholic foods may make you feel better in the short term but when the effects wear off you are left feeling more anxious than before. You also need more and more to get the effect you need so before you know it you are eating and drinking more and more and then you feel worse than ever. 

 

Switch off

If your stress is being caused by things in the wider world, as oposed to things in your personal life, switch off the TV and stop reading the news. We are bombarded by messages of fear by the mainstream media and this doesn’t help anyone. The messages we are given are carefully designed to have the greatest impact on us so that we act and  do what is needed, but in reality it is causing people a great deal of anxiety. If there are really important messages that you need to hear you will find out from someone. Most of the time though there is very little you can do to change the situation and it is better for your emotional state to be blissfully unaware. 

Life in the moment

Anxiety is worrying about something that hasn’t happened yet. By trying to live in the moment as much as possible and focus on the here and now you will reduce your anxiety and feel happier. Want to know more why not read “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle. 

These are just a few simple things that you can do to help you to cope when you are living in a prolonged period of uncertainty. There are many more, but these are the easiest to implement and, in my opinion the most effective. 

As this prolongued period of uncertainty rolls on for everyone, which of these tips will you be implementing to help you stay calm and happy throughout.

 

 

*Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. This means that if you click the link and buy the product/service associated I will receive a small payment in return. The product/service will not cost you any more. I never recommend anything I have not experienced myself. I always appreciate any purchases made using my links as they enable me to continue writing and helping more people. 

Can being more mindful ease anxiety?

by | Apr 26, 2021 | Uncategorised

Anxiety

Anxiety is an issue for so many people.

I have wrestled with anxiety on and off my whole life. 

It is like the quiet house guest who you forget is living in your house until they become really demanding and spoil your day. ​​Like many

Like many emotional states there are varying degrees of anxiety. For some people it is something which makes them feel sick and as though they don’t want to do something. Others though are completely crippled by its impact on their lives. Anxiety can make it impossible to leave the house, spend time with friends and even get a job. So can something as natural and ancient as mindfulness really help?

The short answer is yes, it really can.

The longer answer needs some science and some techniques, which will hopefully help you if you are struggling with anxiety. 

Are you ready? Take a deep breath and let’s dive in!

Let’s get the science out of the way then we can move onto the more fun parts of this longer explanation. When you feel anxious there is a physical change in your body, your breathing becomes more shallow and your heart rate increases. This change is then detected by your brain which sends chemical responses round your body; sending more energy to your heart, lungs and muscles and redirects blood and function to those areas and away from your brain.

This is where things start to get difficult because at this point our ability to think logically and remember all the times we have survived this situation before vanishes. Our brain is incapable of rational thought, problem solving and even recall when we go into this fight, flight or freeze state. 

In order to feel more calm and regain this mental function, we must breathe. Sounds simple doesn’t it? Unfortunately our state of mind is causing our breathing to be shallow and fast and unless we consciously change our breathing we will remain in this state and it may even escalate into a full panic attack. 

Learning some mindful breathing techniques is a great way to quickly and easily calm yourself when you feel this way. Something as simple as 7:11 breathing (7:11 breathing is simply counting to 7 as you breathe in and 11 as you breathe out) or following a video like this one I created for my Calmer Classrooms programme, can help you to calm down really quickly. The advantage of many breathing techniques is that you can do them without anyone being aware that you are implementing a life changing strategy.

Prevention not cure

These techniques are great when you are already in the grips of an anxious episode, but the real magic of mindfulness is that it can help prevent you from reaching that point. 

Mindfulness is the process of being present, being in the moment, being reflective. It helps us to appreciate what we have and doesn’t worry about what will be. It teaches us to focus on the task in hand and deal with what is coming when it arrives. Given that anxiety is effectively a fear of the future, of what might happen, just by shifting your focus to what is happening you are reducing your ability to feel anxious. Given that research has proven time and time again that as little as 9% of our worries actually come true, that means that up to 91% of our worries are actually worth worrying about. 

journaling

Mindful journaling

Another mindful activity which can really help with anxiety is journaling. The process of writing everything down that pops into your head allows you to process the thoughts more easily and often see the reality of the spiral you have got yourself into. Just buy yourself a notebook and take time every day to just write until you have no more thoughts left. Don’t think about what you are writing, just whatever comes into your head – write it down.

This process also helps you to see how infrequently our fears become reality. The other really useful activity is a gratitude practice. Writing down every day all the things you are grateful for. This helps to train your brain to look at the positives in your life rather than the negative, worrying thoughts. Once you realise how fortunate you are, you have a roof over your head, clean water to drink and clothes to keep you warm, you will worry less about what might be, but in all likelihood, won’t ever happen.

Mindful movement…

Living mindfully is also about listening to your body. Mindfully moving when we need to, and we do need to. Particularly if you are an anxious person making sure you get enough exercise is vital. When we exercise our body can process all the stress chemicals our body releases when we worry, so just going for a walk if you start to feel anxious, will instantly calm you down. It doesn’t have to be strenuous movement, just movement. You can dance in your kitchen, take the dog for a walk or do a spin class, just move! In addition to the checmical impact movement will have on your anxiety, moving will change your state and allow your brain to start seeing the situation differently. You will begin to process the information you are working through in a more effective and calm way and you will feel so much better.

Get outside, take a big deep breath of fresh and and move that body! 

mindful movement

If anxiety is an issue for you, or a loved one, start small. Implement small daily changes and begin to see how these little changes can have a huge impact on your reactions and how you deal with situation. You can get through this.

I have, and still do. One day at a time. 

 

For lots more mindful ideas to fit into your daily routine check out my article: Every day mindfulness or why not download my free ebook: You’ve Got This for lots of easy to implement mindful ideas.

The Next Step – Coping with the Easing of Lockdown

by | Jun 24, 2020 | Uncategorised

The Next Step

As the UK begins to ease lockdown measures and life begins to return to a new normal, what is the next step?

Unfortunately for many there is still a lot of uncertainty. I know many therapists who were counting on being allowed to open on 4th July like hairdressers, who are now having to make very difficult decisions about the future of their business. 

This next step feels uncertain and for many is inducing more anxiety than going into lockdown. 

We have spent months being told it isn’t safe to go out, that we mustn’t see other people apart from for essential errands and now suddenly we are able to go to the pub or go clothes shopping and many are very wary.

You see the problem with deeply imprinting a message that we have to stay at home to stay safe, is that, we all then immediately feel unsafe leaving our homes.

Most people are aware of the powerful impact of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) and affirmations now. We understand that repeating a message or hearing a message repeated many times imprints on our unconscious mind and can be life changing.

Unfortunately that means that “Stay Home, Protect the NHS, Save Lives” the government’s lockdown message to the UK population, is now so firmly imprinted that many people are now feeling uneasy, and unsafe, leaving their homes. 

Lockdown

If you are reading this then chances are you are more than familiar with this phenomenon.

What can we do to make this next step easier?

Well, there are lots of things, from research to energy protection. I’ll go through a few things that I am personally using to help me cope with this next step to normality.

Rationalise 

This is almost the opposite of the advice I would usually be giving but do some careful research from sources such as WHO. We have been bombarded with statistics during this pandemic which isn’t particularly helpful. Imagine if everytime we turned on the news we were told how many people had died in the UK today. We would all be living in a permanent state of fear.  Look carefully at the statistics. Often they can be more reassuring than you might imagine. 

Take sensible precautions

Continue to wash your hands regularly, avoid large gatherings and generally take the advice we are being given to make sensible judgment calls. If you feel unsafe going somewhere and you don’t absolutely have to go, then stay at home. If you have to go to the shop, hospital etc then wear a mask or face covering. 

We are all longing for time with loved ones and a good hair cut but if your intuition is saying “wait a bit longer” then listen to that. 

Breathe 

Many people who struggle with anxiety notice a dramatic change in their breathing. Given the respiratory nature of the current pandemic, and the necessity to wear a mask on occasion, this can then be esculated in our minds to a frightening level. Be aware of your breathing. Use a simple breathing technique such as 7-11 breathing (breathing in for a count of 7 and out for a count of 11) to regulate your breathing if you begin to feel anxious. Having something to smell, such as an essential oil on a tissue can also be helpful in regulating your breathing.                 

Avoid watching the news 

This advice may appear to contradict the first tip but there is a difference between educating yourself and being bombarded with what often feels like propaganda. It also means that you can choose to research the important facts when you are feeling emotionally strong, not all day every day. For the most part if you are on social media you can pick up everything you need to as far as announcements and key facts.  

Meditate 

Meditation is a great way to calm your body and mind. It doesn’t have to be for longm just 5-10 minutes meditation is enough to make a dramatic impact on your wellbeing.  

If you are new to meditation there are some wonderful apps such as Headspace, which can be a gret introduction to the practice. If you would like to learn more about meditation or book an introductory session with me have a look at my meditation page. 

Get mindful

Finding ways to be incorporate mindfulness into your day is another great way to ease anxiety. Mindfulness is not a complex practice, it is simply the art of being completely present while you are doing anything. It may be washing up, gardening, playing golf, walking to the shops. Whatever you choose to do, being 100% present means you are doing it mindfully. By not allowing your mind to be constantly racing and thinking about a million things at once you will give your mind time to process everything it is already working through. If you would like to learn to be more mindful and how you can incorporate these life changing but simple techniques into your life find out more here.  

 

“My philosophy is worrying means you suffer twice – Newt Scamander”

JK Rowling

Author, Fantastic Beasts

There are many uncertainties at the moment, but one thing is certain, worrying won’t solve anything. 

Easier said than done, I know.

It is important to regain some perspective as you take this next step. To stop and think about all the things you would miss if we continued to live in isolation. It may be that you have enjoyed the extra time with our children or time to get on top of jobs at home. Perhaps you have enjoyed the fact you were able to work from home, or maybe you have rediscovered a hobby you didn’t have time for. It has been a time of self discovery for many people. As a population we have learned many lessons too. We have consumed less, gardened more, travelled less and repaired more, spent less but appreciated more. It is important to try and take these lessons with us as the restrictions on our lives ease and we take the next step into this brave new world. 

Life will continue to be different for a while yet but if we are sensible and make choices which reduce the risk of a second wave we can begin to send time with our families and friends again. More people can return to work, which will ease the financial fears many have at the moment (in addition to all the other anxieties).  Whatever your circumstances I hope you are safe and well, that you feel secure and loved and that you feel strong enough to deal with this next step. Remember, you are stronger and braver than you will ever believe, you’ve got this!

 

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