Do you need help changing your mindset?

by Kate Beddow | Sep 10, 2018 | Mindfulness

Mindset is a word I hadn’t really encountered until I was an adult. I wondered whether it was just that it isn’t something children discuss or really need to understand. But upon research I discovered that actually it wasn’t a word used until the 1990’s, when Carol Dweck used the word in a publication. I was, pretty much, an adult by the 90’s, so that explained that.

What is mindset?

The Oxford English Dictionary defines mindset as “the established set of attitudes held by someone”. We often talk about fixed mindsets and growth mindsets in education. These are, in brief, a belief that we have an inability to learn or change attitudes or, conversely, a growth mindset is about developing your ability to learn from mistakes and believe that you can become more intelligent or skilled.

When I was at school it was believed that once your brain had formed and you had set certain neurological pathways up as your go to approach or attitude to something, that was it, you couldn’t change it. We have now discovered a wonderful thing called neuroplasticity. We know that it is possible to reroute those messages and alter our reactions. It takes practice and consistency to rewire our brains but it is possible.

This is great news!

It means that we no longer have to blame our ancestors for our pessimism, or lack of drive. We can now learn to be happy, to be calm to be more motivated and driven. Whatever we want to do is possible if we put in the effort.

It is never a quick fix but often there are simple, easily repeatable exercises which over time help our brains to respond differently to situations and triggers and achieve the results we want.

So, if you respond to feeling anxious or worried by being short tempered with the people around you, you can, over time, learn to respond in a more positive way, and learn to eliminate the feelings of anxiety, or at least deal with them quickly and easily.

Sounds simple doesn’t it?

Well, no it isn’t, but anything worth doing takes time and effort.

Imagine the impact feeling calm and confident all the time would have on your life, your family, and your business.

What if you knew how to react, and what do to quiet that inner voice every time imposter syndrome raised its ugly head?

Imagine no more! My new workbook and MP3 pack, Change your Mindset and Become the Force, can help you to do just that.

It won’t happen over night, although you should see immediate improvement, but over time, by listening to the meditations and practicing the exercises in the workbook you will slowly change your automatic responses to these, often crippling, stories you are telling yourself.

Read more about this programme before you decide.

Are you ready to change your mindset?

I’m ready!

Being Mindful in a Crisis

by Kate Beddow | May 14, 2018 | Mindfulness

There are times when life really challenges us. When it asks us to use every drop of strength and courage we have to cope with a situation or crisis.

Whether it is a short term upheaval like an accident or a long term challenge such as a bereavement, we have to gather all our tools, all our strength and find a way to get through.

If you are above school age, chances are life has challenged you at some point. It may have been the loss of a loved or beloved pet. It may have been a serious illness you had to battle against. Perhaps you lost your job and been worried about your financial future and security.

Whatever challenges life has thrown at you, you have survived. I know that because you are reading this.

Why am I mentioning this?

Well, this weekend my family had their coping strategies challenged and it was fascinating watching the range of responses to the situation.

To give you some background we were having a day out; my husband and children, my parents, my sister and her family and her in laws. Everyone was having a lovely time, enjoying the weather and each other’s company when something happened which changed the entire course of the day.

There was an accident involving one of the children. I feel able to talk about this now because they are ok, but I won’t go into details.

Everyone present loves that little bundle of joy so much, and we are all equally besotted with her.

The range of reactions was interesting though.

The parents jumped into action and doing what needed to be done along with one grandparent who was driving – the rest of us had walked. The remaining adults comforted the children and each other. There was a brief period of panic and, in some cases, hysteria and then there was nothing further we could do.

Some of the adults, and older children, were clearly reliving the experience and trying to predict the outcome – impossible.

The youngest child, once recovered from the drama, carried on as normal, playing, chatting and eating ice lollies.

The remaining adults, for a variety of reasons, just carried on until there was news and something to be done, practically to help.

This is the very essence of mindfulness.

Living in the moment. Reacting to what is happening, not what we imagine might happen.

When life challenges us it is easy to get lost in a sea of “what ifs” and “if onlys” but it is only what we can do differently now that matters.

Even at the most desperate times we always have a choice about what we think and how we react.

We could have chosen to abandon the day out and sit panicking in a tea room somewhere but we chose to entertain the children and keep ourselves busy to pass the time until there was more news.

“Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor”

Thich Nhat Nanh

Author

Passing the time and focusing on what we could change was the only option we had. The children were already upset and distraction is a powerful tool for young minds.

It is important that when life presents us with obstacles and situations to deal with which feel like they might break us, that we take a deep breath and use that time to make some choices. We can choose to be a victim of circumstance or we can choose to be the captain of our own ship.

Even at the most challenging moments we can ask ourselves; what is the most beneficial thing I can do for myself right now? It may be to have a cup of sweet tea and a piece of cake (we did that on Saturday too!), sometimes that is enough to steady our nerves and give us the energy to carry on. It may be to create an action plan to get us out of the crisis we have found ourselves in. Or it may be to sit in self care; have a bath, go for a run, treat ourselves to whatever our soul needs right now.

[bctt tweet=”Life is precious and if we don’t live every minute as though we mean it, we’re wasting the most valuable commodity we have, time. ” username=”KateBeddowUK”]

When we take time to breath and really think about what the best course of action is, we can amaze ourselves with the resilience and strength we have within us. We all have it, we just have to find it and mindfulness is a great map to help us find it.

What do I mean by mindfulness?

Well, I have already said that in essence it is just being present but I appreciate that that is an abstract concept. Why not try this easy mindful breathing exercise next time you are under pressure.

Calming breath

Close your eyes and relax your shoulders.

Take a deep breath in through your nose and feel the breath entering your nose. Does it feel warm or cold? Did you feel your breath anywhere else as you took the breath in, maybe the back of your throat or your chest?

As you breathe out pay attention to your breath again.

This time as you breathe in imagine the air entering your body is a beautiful calming blue and it makes you feel so relaxed as it enters your body.

When you breathe out imagine that calming blue breath is removing any stress and tension from your body.

Repeat this 3-5 times or as many as you need to begin to feel more calm and relaxed.

5 Ways being organised reduces stress and anxiety

by Kate Beddow | Feb 5, 2018 | Mindfulness

Being organised is one of my superpowers.

I don’t know whether it is just something you are born with or something you learn but my Mum is the same. As soon as we hear about an event, or realise we need to do something, the cogs start turning, the lists are started and invariably we have done so much before the actual event that we are left with a feeling that we must have forgotten something.

You may be nodding with a wry smile of understanding.

Equally you may be feeling a bubble of annoyance. If you are always a bit last minute, dashing round and arriving late or forgetting things, don’t worry. I have some easy ways to help you be more organised and reduce your stress and anxiety levels.

But first let’s look at the 5 ways being more organised can reduce your stress and anxiety levels.

How does being disorganised affect your life?

You arrive late
You forget important items
You lose things; keys, phone etc
You miss events altogether
You miss opportunities

All of this is absolutely fine, as long as it doesn’t bother you. When it becomes an issue is when it impacts on your happiness and your mental health because you find it stressful being late, you get anxious when you can’t find your keys…

I know lots of people who are totally disorganised. They are never on time, their desk is a mess. They regularly miss events all together and are constantly looking for something they have misplaced. But they are mostly very creative, very warm, friendly people and many of them just laugh it off and know it is part of who they are. That is great. I couldn’t do it but we’re all different.

If, however, you feel anxious about the result of your disorganisation that’s when you need to make some simple changes. Being organised doesn’t have to be difficult, in fact it is often much easier than you might think.

Here are my top tips to get organised:

Use a diary

I have a paper diary, a calendar on the wall and a calendar in my phone too. My phone is for quick reference and so I know where my husband is too. As soon as I arrange something it goes in my phone if it is personal and in my paper diary if it is work related, then once a week, at least, I transfer everything across and make sure it is all up to date. I make sure I include what the children are doing and where they need to be (because that often still involves me getting them there). This is particularly important in business. If you say you are going to email/call them make a note in your diary – and CHECK YOUR DIARY EVERY MORNING! It’s no good writing things in there if you’re not going to look at it!

Have a place to keep things and use it

I’m not even going to pretend that I am a naturally tidy person because someone would call me out. It turns out being organised and being tidy are two very different skills. I have learned over the years though that I have to have a home for things which are important because I hate not being able to find things easily.

So, my keys live in the same place, I put them there are soon as I come in the house. I also put them in the same pocket in my handbag for the same reason. The same is true for my phone, my purse, my card holder, my diary. I always put them in the same place, the same pocket of my bag etc so I know where they are, and I can always find them.

Do things as soon as you find out about them

I pay bills as soon as I get them. I deal with paperwork as soon as it arrives. I reply to emails as soon as I see them. I get projects finished as soon as I can. Leaving things until last minute is a sure fire way to either forget to do them, to lose something you need to do them, or else you remember at last minute and dash round panicking trying to get things done.

Make lists

If you are in any way disorganised, or, let’s be honest, even if you are mega organised, lists are your best friend! Don’t create lists on scraps of paper though, get a notebook and keep all your reminders together. I have lists for everything: shopping, places I want to visit, books I want to read, what I need to do today, what blogs I’m going to write…

I do sometimes write lists on the backs of envelopes etc, but that is when it is a short term list and very specific. So if we have people coming to stay I might create a list of things to remember to do: change beds, clean bathrooms, put the vac round, get the chicken out of the freezer etc. That I might do on a scrap of paper, but anything more important than that goes in my notebook.

Being organised doesn’t have to be time consuming, in fact it usually takes less time than being disorganised. It is though about structure, about priorities and about believing you are worth it.

Being disorganised is often a way we self sabotage and hold ourselves back. We can’t possibly do that because we’re not organised enough.

You deserve to have every opportunity and to make the most of every single day. So, put your keys away, write that get together in your diary and enjoy the calm that organisation brings to your life.

“Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it is not all mixed up.”

A.A. Milne

Author and Creator of Winnie the Pooh