Autumn – my favourite time of year for self care

Autumn is my favourite time of year. I say that every year, but I know that it’s a half truth. I LOVE Autumn. I love warm jumpers, I love new boots and crunchy leaves on the ground. I love the colours, the chill in the air and I LOVE Halloween and Bonfire Night. I love Autumn.

I also know that I say that whatever season is just beginning is my favourite. When we get the first frost and the car is covered in beautiful patterns and you can see your breath when you go for walks, Winter is my favourite season. When the first signs of life appear and the world get so green, Spring is my favourite season.  Then of course the warmth of Summer comes round and I get my flip flops out and work in the beautiful sunshine in the garden I love Summer the best.

I’m fickle I guess. I prefer grateful! I’m grateful that I live in a country with such diverse seasons. Where every few months we get a renewed sense of appreciation for the world we live in.

 There is something particularly cosy and wonderful about Autumn though. I love blankets and hot drinks and sitting with a good book in front of a fire. The word “Hygge” which has become better known over the last few years, was created for Autumn I think.

Cosy, contented, twinkly lights, snuggles with loved ones and everything that makes you feel heart happy.

What is self care?

Put simply, self care is making sure you prioritise your needs, at least some of the time. It is that little nudge to make sure you are feeding your own soul and not just looking after everyone around you.

Here are a few ideas

  • Taking a bath
  • Reading a book
  • Going for a walk
  • Meeting friends for a coffee
  • Doing some exercise; running, dancing, golf, football…
  • Creating; painting, crafting, knitting, pottery, woodwork…
  • Cooking
  • Watching a film
  • the list goes on and on

You get the idea.

Do you see how perfectly all these self care activities lend themselves to Autumn? 

Is there anything more perfect than a walk through the woods with the orange and rust coloured leaves crunching under your feet? That slight chill in the air. Maybe you go alone, with a loved one, the dog or with the kids. Whatever makes you really happy. We used to go Dragon Hunting on Cannock Chase when my children were little, they loved it. Coming back with stones that they said were dragon eggs and running through the brown ferns breathing their own fire as they ran.

Another firm favourite is a long soak in a hot bath with a good book. I have been known to spend 3 hrs in the bath. I know! I love it, especially when it is cold outside, there is no better way to warm yourself through. Even better if you put some Epsom salts or sea salt in and a few drops of lavender oil. Magic. It just isn’t appealing in the hot summer months. 

 

 

I encourage you to take a few moments to think about all the ways you can make your life more Hygge this season. How can you care for yourself better? What do you love doing that would be a real treat this Autumn?

Make a conscious effort to change your approach to your daily routine and incorporate more self care. You won’t be sorry.

Self care is not the same as selfish! 

Self care is about refuelling so that you can continue to be of service to those you love and live your best life.

Here are a few other blogs I’ve written about self care if you want to do more reading:

The Importance of self care

The Importance of caring for our energetic self

Taking time out – why adults need time out too

Do you need help changing your mindset?

Mindset is a word I hadn’t really encountered until I was an adult. I wondered whether it was just that it isn’t something children discuss or really need to understand. But upon research I discovered that actually it wasn’t a word used until the 1990’s, when Carol Dweck used the word in a publication. I was, pretty much, an adult by the 90’s, so that explained that.

What is mindset? 

The Oxford English Dictionary defines mindset as the established set of attitudes held by someone”. We often talk about fixed mindsets and growth mindsets in education. These are, in brief, a belief that we have an inability to learn or change attitudes or, conversely, a growth mindset is about developing your ability to learn from mistakes and believe that you can become more intelligent or skilled. 

When I was at school it was believed that once your brain had formed and you had set certain neurological pathways up as your go to approach or attitude to something, that was it, you couldn’t change it. We have now discovered a wonderful thing called neuroplasticity. We know that it is possible to reroute those messages and alter our reactions. It takes practice and consistency to rewire our brains but it is possible.

This is great news!

It means that we no longer have to blame our ancestors for our pessimism, or lack of drive. We can now learn to be happy, to be calm to be more motivated and driven. Whatever we want to do is possible if we put in the effort.

It is never a quick fix but often there are simple, easily repeatable exercises which over time help our brains to respond differently to situations and triggers and achieve the results we want.

So, if you respond to feeling anxious or worried by being short tempered with the people around you, you can, over time, learn to respond in a more positive way, and learn to eliminate the feelings of anxiety, or at least deal with them quickly and easily.

Sounds simple doesn’t it?

Well, no it isn’t, but anything worth doing takes time and effort.

Imagine the impact feeling calm and confident all the time would have on your life, your family, and your business. 

What if you knew how to react, and what do to quiet that inner voice every time imposter syndrome raised its ugly head?

Imagine no more! My new workbook and MP3 pack, Change your Mindset and Become the Force, can help you to do just that.

It won’t happen over night, although you should see immediate improvement, but over time, by listening to the meditations and practicing the exercises in the workbook you will slowly change your automatic responses to these, often crippling, stories you are telling yourself.

Read more about this programme before you decide.

Are you ready to change your mindset?

 

I’m ready!

The Meaning of Life

Today I am “the answer to life, the universe and everything” according to Douglas Adams. 

I have never had an issue with with birthdays. Age is just a number as far as I’m concerned, and I really mean it. I genuinely feel blessed to be alive and to have reached another birthday.

It may sound like a cliche but it’s true.

As you may know there was a time when that wasn’t guaranteed (not that it ever is!). 11 years ago I was led to believe that my life now would be very different; constant unbearable pain, physically deformed, no energy and unable to have any more children.

Instead I am happy, my condition is under control, I am back to looking like myself and I have my beautiful, almost 10 year old son. 

Today, as I turn 42, I am feeling more grateful than I have ever felt in my life.

My children are happy, healthy, amazing mini-humans who not only saved their pocket money to buy me thoughtful presents from Harry Potter Studios, but made their own card and made the most delicious brunch.

My husband had a clock that we fell in love with when we visited Italy recently sent over for my present. My friends and family have really been there for me during what has been a rollercoaster 24hrs. I had my injection yesterday, we went to see Mamma Mia: Here I go again and I laughed til I cried and cried because I was heartbroken, I found out some devastating news and my family and friends said and did some truly incredible things to support both me and one of my closest friends and her family at a very difficult time.

I cried tears of sadness and tears of joy within moments, not just once, but all day.

As we get older it is easy to focus on the negatives.

Society encourages it.

The wrinkles we are led to believe are bad. The grey hairs we are encouraged to colour in. We are constantly told that youth is good and age is bad.

Why?

What is so wrong with getting older? We all get older.

Would you want to go back to having the experiences you were having when you were in your teens?

Believing the things you believed?

Feeling the insecurities you felt?

I wouldn’t!

Given a choice between having the body I had then and the experiences and emotions I had then and being me as I am now, wrinkles, stretch marks, grey hairs and all, I know what I would choose. I feel honoured to be growing older. I love that I have 40+years of experiences, knowledge and memories to look back over.

There is no size 12, wrinkle free, body that can top the wisdom and memories of 20 years of life. 

 

I don’t agree with George Carlin, I don’t think he does either for the record, I think age is a very small price to pay for wisdom.

Wisdom is something to be treasured.

Age is something to be cherished. 

“Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom”

George Carlin

Comedian

As we take steps along this journey, we are all ultimately heading for the same destination, which ever road we take.

I have been fortunate enough to have some wonderful companions on my journey.

I have also experienced the heartbreak of losing friends and family members for as long as I can remember. Not just people older than me. People who completed their journey way too soon. Friends who left us before the even finished school. Family members who should have had many more years of memory making.

I was nearly added to that number. I am acutely aware that my journey could have been much shorter and much less enjoyable.

I make an effort every single day to find at least 10 things I am grateful for. I have a little pile of notebooks next to my bed where I have written my daily gratitude every day for years now.

“Today I am grateful for… I am glad I… I am thankful for…”.

Some days it’s a struggle. Some days it feels impossible and other days it is easy and I write twenty. I make the effort to do it every day thought remind myself how lucky I am.

My birthday is always a day for counting my blessings.

Today is no exception. I am thankful for the amazing people in my life. For the opportunities I am given. For the places I have seen the experiences I have had and I am grateful for you.

Yes you.

I am grateful that you have taken the time to read my inner babblings. That you have found my website and decided to delve deeper. That you are taking time to get to know me better. Thank you.

I may not actually be the answer to life, the universe and everything but I hope you have taken something away from reading this. 

I hope you have a wonderful day.

 

 

Taking a leap!

Leaping isn’t something you will often see me doing I’ll be honest! I am trying to do it more often though.

Not long ago I wrote a post about achieving your potential which touched on this subject a bit. I have been trying to say yes to things and then working out how I am going to actually be brave enough to do it after.

I know that I am not alone in liking the comfort of familiarity.

It’s so easy to only agreed to do things that you have done many times before and know you are capable of, but there are a few problems with this life.

By definition it means that you don’t experience anything new. This is sad. There are so many amazing experiences out there waiting for you to sample them, why would you only ever do what you have always done.

 So why is this on my mind this week?

Well, I like to draw inspiration for my blogs from my recent experiences. We have been having lots of new experiences as a family and well and truly leaping out of our comfort zones!

Last week we went to Italy for my best friend’s wedding. 

My son (9) has never been abroad and my daughter hasn’t since she started school (she’s now 14) so this was a huge deal for them.

In order to get to Italy we had to go in an aeroplane, my husband HATES flying, but he wasn’t going to let that stop him being there for such an amazing and memorable week.

In addition to this my son is very close to my husband at the moment so because Dad was scared, he was too.

 

While we were in Italy the children tried foods they claim they hate at home and loved them, they went to places they have never been before and experienced Italian life to the full.

It wasn’t just my plane-hating husband and children who had to take a leap out of their comfort zones though.

I volunteered to drive one of the hire cars we needed (there were 10 of us altogether so we needed two). I love driving but I hadn’t driven a left hand drive for over 10 years.

I was also asked to do a reading in the church service for my friends Callie and Emilio. I do a lot of public speaking but I’m not catholic, and I’m not usually recorded and it is rarely for something so memorable!

I also agreed to sing at the reception.

I know! But this is all part of my saying yes to opportunities thing. I used to do a lot of singing but haven’t done much at all apart from in the car since I had the children. This is my best friend in the world though, I’m not going to say no when it’s for her big day!

This not only meant singing though, it also meant meeting the musician who was playing at the reception the day before in Florence at his studio for a very quick rehearsal. Finding new places, meeting new people, singing in front of total strangers, all things with the potential to induce panic once upon a time.

I’m not going to pretend that I’m cool about it all now, cause I still have butterflies and what ifs, but nothing like I did once upon a time. 

I try to do something everyday that is out of my comfort zone whether it is making that phone call, contacting a potential client or doing an extra 5 minutes on my rowing machine.

I do think that the more we do it, the easier it gets.

I have heard about 2 people in the last week who are at extremes of this attitude. A man in his 70s who has never owned a passport and will barely leave his home town. Think of all the amazing opportunities he is missing. All the major events, all the sights, sounds, smells…

“There are many talented people who haven’t fulfilled their dreams because they over thought it, or they were too cautious, and were unwilling to make the leap of faith.”

 

James Cameron

Film Director

At the opposite end of the scale though, my friend’s daughter turned 16 yesterday and she did a skydive to celebrate! She loved it! What an amazing memory to have made and an incredible way to celebrate her birthday. Now that is literally taking a leap!

Don’t be one of the talented people who doesn’t make our mark on the world because you don’t take that leap of faith, that step out of your comfort zone.

 

How can you exercise your courage and step out of your comfort zone today?

 

If you are intrigued about my singing you can watch the video below. Apologies for the quality of the video it was taken on a phone but you get the idea. (I’m also really cross with myself for holding the words but we had only sung it through 3 times with the guitarist and it threw me a bit 🙁 ). Adding this video to the post is my “stepping out of my comfort zone” for today so please be gentle with me.

Taking time out -Why adults need time out too!

As adults it is easy to forget that we need to take time out sometimes in order to recharge and feel re-energised. Without this time we inadvertently turn into toddler versions of ourselves, having tantrums about minor issues and doing a grown up version or the tired cry all parents are familiar with.

We may not throw ourselves on the floor and kick our feet any more, but we do stamp about, moan about having to do everything ourselves, and refuse to stop even when ever part of our being is screaming “BUT I’M TIRED!”.

 

Different response (although only slightly!) but with the same trigger – overwhelm.

 When life gets busy we push ourselves to do everything and then eventually it all gets too much.

So what should we do when overwhelm strikes?

Well, I can’t really tell you that. 

You are probably wondering what the purpose of writing this is if I can’t give you any advice – am I right?

Well, I didn’t say I couldn’t give you any advice, I just said that I couldn’t tell you what to do.

Not the same.

You see the magical thing about living creatures is that no two are the same. You might be very similar, but you are never the same.  

My sister and I look alike, we sound identical, we like the same types of music and films but we are also very different.  

When my sister feels tired and overwhelmed she goes for a run or reads a book. I have a bath AND read a book – you see, we’re nothing like each other! *giggle*

The point I am trying to make is that we are all different, so what is relaxing and a real indulgence to one person is another worst nightmare.

It isn’t what we do that is important though, fortunately, it is the fact that we step away form the to do list and the never ending chores and allow ourselves time to relax and unwind. Whether that means playing a round of golf or knitting, it doesn’t matter, as long as you feel nurtured and happy.

You may want to be alone or meet up with a group of friend.

Your idea of chilling out might be going clubbing, or it might be walking up a mountain and sitting quietly.

It doesn’t matter. What matters is that you are doing it because you want to not because you feel you should. 

 

It is also important that you do not at any time; before, during or after, feel guilty for taking this time for yourself.

This is where self care can be a challenge for many people. They know they should spend time relaxing but the whole time they are “relaxing” they are feeling guilty for doing it.

THAT’S NOT RELAXING!

By doing this you are neither getting through your jobs or giving yourself the time out you so need.

“You shouldn’t feel guilty about taking time for yourself. Every so often, everyone needs to give themselves a big ol’ bear hug and treat themselves to some TLC.”

Sean Covey

Author

Today I am working. It’s a weekday and I do most of my work while my children are at school. Am I sitting hunched over my desk?

Nope.

I’m sitting with my MacBook on the patio table enjoying this beautiful weather we are enjoying the UK. Dreaming of my upcoming holiday as I type.

Find moments of joy even in the jobs you do. Maybe you have to do some weeding. Make sure you take time to appreciate the beauty of the garden as you do. Feel the sun on your back. Listen to the birds singing.  

Maybe the job you need to get done has no obvious pleasure associated with it. Get back to the basics. I am grateful I can see well enough to mend these trousers. I am grateful I am able to stand for long enough to clean the mirror. Whatever you are doing, remember that there is someone somewhere wishing they were able to do it. Find the positives in the jobs you do but make sure you take time to relax and recharge too. You will get those jobs done quicker and with more energy and accuracy if you aren’t tired and angry doing them.

5 Mindful Minutes

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