page contents

I don’t have time to be mindful…

by | Apr 12, 2018 | Mindfulness

Time to be Mindful

There is no doubt that we are living at a busy time. We dash from work to housework to activities to social gatherings with barely time to breathe.

Don’t we?

We have no choice.

Life is busy.

Working hours are no longer just 9-5, Monday-Friday, as they were when our parents were working. Now we work longer days, more days and between that and juggling family and trying to get enough steps on our Fitbit is killing us. 

Literally killing us.

When we live in our heads and don’t give ourselves time to stop and just be we are causing so much stress to our bodies and our brains. 

 

What can we do about it?

Mindfulness. (I know, isn’t it the solution to everything?) 

By being more mindful as we go about our busy lives we allow our brains to rest, our physiological stress reactions to calm, and we become happier and more present. 

I know what you are going to say. 

“But Kate, you have just agreed that we are all busy. How on earth am I supposed to find time to be mindful too”  

Well, it’s easy. You’re not! 

The beauty of mindfulness is that you don’t have to do anything more than you are already doing. You just have to do it a little differently.

Instead of thinking about the presentation you have at work tomorrow while you are doing the washing up, you think about the washing up. How does the water feel on your skin? Are your fingers going pruny yet? Aren’t our plates pretty? Oh look there’s a robin in the garden, how lovely. I can hear the birds singing.

Instead of dashing about doing the weeding and cutting the grass, thinking about whether the kids have tidied their rooms yet, you think about the weeding and cutting the grass. How does the grass smell? Is pushing the lawnmower making any of your muscles feel sore? How does the grass feel under your feet? Can you hear the neighbours dog barking? The soil is lovely and soft today. Look how beautiful those flowers are looking.  

Be present. 

Do one job at a time and put all your energy and attention into that job. I have compiled a little list of jobs I do mindfully, maybe you can too:

  • baking
  • cooking
  • cleaning
  • gardening
  • making a hot drink
  • brushing my teeth
  • decorating
  • knitting/crocheting
  • washing the car
  • jigsaws
  • colouring/painting
  • singing 

What would your list look like? Grab a pen and write it now. 

So now you have your list all you have to do is choose one thing and start doing that one thing mindfully. Try to choose something you do regularly, preferably every day. Maybe making a hot drink. Maybe washing up, brushing your teeth. Whatever it is, commit to doing that mindfully for a week, then add another habit and keep going until you don’t even notice all the activities you are doing mindfully.

“Life is a dance. Mindfulness is witnessing that dance.”

Amit Ray

Author

Becoming more mindful is a process. It isn’t something you just wake up one morning and decide. Like anything it takes time.

Apparently we have to do something for 21 days for it to become a habit. Of course that is a what research has decided, it may only take you 5 days, or it may take 45 days. I know that if I make something part of my morning routine I am much more likely to keep it up. Mornings are fairly consistent in my life at the moment so that is the easiest time to add in new habits. But whatever you decide, if you do it every day for 21 days you will keep doing it forever.

Whatever you choose, really work hard at being as present as you can. Really focus on what you are doing and all the senses associated with it. As you make your morning coffee watch the steam curl, smell the coffee, see the milk disperse in the mug, feel the heat as it approaches your lips. Really savour it.

Research shows that when we eat and drink more mindfully we lose weight because we notice when we are full and we don’t just keep mindlessly putting food in our mouths. The benefits to living more mindfully are pretty extensive but for me the most important benefit is the feeling of calm and the appreciation it gives me of the amazing things I am fortunate enough to have in my life. Whether it is really being present when my son gives me a hug in the morning, or being present as I scrub the tiles in the bathroom, I am grateful for all the blessings in my life.

Feeling calm and feeling thankful, are two of the most amazing feelings in the world.

If the traffic is busy, can I change it by getting frustrated and angry? Will I get there any quicker if I huff and puff and sigh?

No of course I won’t. If I stay calm and arrive a little late but safe and grateful that I wasn’t involved in the incident that caused the hold up, that is a blessing. Being present and reminding yourself that there is no need to react the way society has taught you that you ought to, leads to a happier and more contented life. When this situation arises, take a few deep breaths and be grateful you are safe.

If all you do is change how you react to these minor frustrations you will see such a change in your life.

How often does one thing happen early in the day which puts you in a bad mood for the rest of the day? Do you really think that everything is against you today? Is today really any better or worse than any other day? Of course not, but you have already told your brain to focus on the negatives because it is going to be “one of those days” because you spilt the milk when you made your morning coffee, or you couldn’t find your keys and left the house 5 minutes late. Focus on the positives, take a deep breath and reset. You might surprise yourself with the results.

The more you focus on being present, the more you will notice your reactions shifting away from knee jerk responses of anger and frustration and towards compassion and calm. You are training your brain to respond to what is really happening, not what you perceive to be happening.

 

If you feel that you would benefit from some guidance as you take your first few mindful steps why not sign up for my 8 week daily email course, “and breathe…”. It has helped so many people to be more mindful in only a few minutes a day and it teaches you to build your practice gradually.

You only get one life, live it!

by | Apr 2, 2018 | Mindfulness

Live

You only get one life.

We are told, all the time; “life isn’t a dress rehearsal”, “live every moment as though it was your last”…

Today is Easter Monday. We were supposed to be having a family trip to Oxford. Visiting the Ashmolean Museum, wandering round the beautiful streets of Oxford, stay over night and then tomorrow visit the Road Dahl Museum. We had it all planned.

Then our plans changed. Something came up, and to be honest the weather forecast was horrendous. Instead I woke up this morning. Fed the hens. Put some washing on. Cleaned the bathrooms. Did several other little jobs and then made a comforting lunch for the family.

This afternoon we decided to snuggle up and watch a film. 

The children have been wanting to watch Jumanji 2, so today seemed like the perfect day.

Out came the popcorn, crack went the Easter eggs and we sat under blankets watching the rain pouring down the window.

It was a great film. There aren’t many films that we all enjoy because we all have such different tastes, but this one was great. 

The thing that I took away from it though was the life tattoos that the characters had when they were in the computer game.

If you haven’t seen the film, when the characters are transported into the computer game they realise that they have three black bars tattooed on their inner arm. They soon realise that these are their lives in the computer game. When they regenerate a bar vanishes.

At one point the characters discuss this, and one points out that in the real world they all only have one life, so what difference does it make that they are down to their last life?

It got me thinking.

My theme for this year seems to be “you only live once, so just do it” or as my friend Emilio would say JFDI!

I am constantly being pushed out of my comfort zone and feeling the fear, but doing it anyway. Last week I went on a course with my lovely friends Taz and Asha; “Awesome PR and Social Media”. What a great day!

As always these two not only filled the day with fun and fabulous information, they also pushed us way out of our comfort zones – for the whole day.

We don’t get to see each other very often so we went for a cuppa and a chat after. Typically, their mentoring didn’t end at the end of the day. They continued to push me until the moment we said goodbye – including having me do a Facebook Live in the middle of McDonalds to overcome my fear of video! 

One of the things I promised myself after my tumour, and honestly, one of the most natural side effects of my illness, was that I decided to live for today. To be brave and face my fears.

But that was 10 years ago now and it’s amazing how those side effect begin to wear off, to dilute over time.

 

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”

Winston Churchill

So now, I’m working on it. Really working on it. 

I’m reading and learning. I’m flexing my comfort zone muscles. I am planning the live videos I will be doing. I have recorded a podcast which will be released very soon, and I am putting myself out there.

I’m terrified. I really am. But I’m more scared that I won’t do it. That I’ll be sitting one day with a long list of “should’ves” and “could’ves” and I’ll regret the chances I didn’t take and the brave, bold steps I never made. I have never had any real desire to have a tattoo, but the idea of having one black bar on my wrist to remind me that I only have one life, is very tempting. I will certainly internally carry that message with me.

So I’m going to take a deep breath. Write it in my planner and JFDI, because the thought of not doing it is much more terrifying than the thought of doing it. 

Are you being true to yourself?

by | Mar 26, 2018 | Mindfulness

Be you

Are you being true to yourself? What does that even mean? 

Well, being true to yourself, I believe, is living in alignment with your beliefs. Is that any clearer? Not really!

Living in a way that is true to yourself in a world where you are bombarded with images and ideas of what your life should be; how you should look, what you should wear and what your lifestyle should be is a challenge.

What does “living in alignment with your beliefs” even mean? It all sounds a bit like woo woo hogwash if we’re not careful doesn’t it? But however you describe it, living in a way that is true to you is the fastest way to happiness and contentment I know, so it’s pretty important. 

Living in a way that is true to yourself in a world where you are bombarded with images and ideas of what your life should be; how you should look, what you should wear and what your lifestyle should be is a challenge.

Are you being true to yourself? What does that even mean? 

Well, being true to yourself, I believe, is living in alignment with your beliefs. Is that any clearer? Not really!

What does “living in alignment with your beliefs” even mean? It all sounds a bit like woo woo hogwash if we’re not careful doesn’t it? But however you describe it, living in a way that is true to you is the fastest way to happiness and contentment I know, so it’s pretty important.

 

 

How do we go about it then?

Let’s take a look at what it looks like and how it feels when you are not being true to yourself. Unfortunately I see it every day.

Are you…

  • making decisions which go against your beliefs
  • buying things because “everyone else has one”
  • doing a job you hate
  • agreeing to do things that you don’t want to do
  • dressing in a way you think you should
  • and so on.

If you are doing these things, and if we’re honest we all do sometimes at least, how does it make you feel?

Often we do these things because we think it will make someone else happy. We agree to go somewhere or do something to help someone else out. We dress in a certain way because we think it pleases our Mum/hubby/friends.

If that is the reason we are doing it though we need to take a moment.

If someone needs you to behave or dress in a particular way to admire you, or be friends with you, then we need to take a moment and work out what their real intentions are.

As Bernard Baruch said, in a quote often attributed to Dr Seuss, “I never bother about that. Those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter.” If someone is going to think differently of you because of the clothes you wear, the car you drive, or the fact that you aren’t able to spend your weekend helping them move house then how much do they really value you? 

I am writing this as a work in progress. I am occasionally guilty of a couple of the items on the list above. Most often agreeing to help when I am busy/tired/have other things planned! However, there are conditions now. Once upon a time if anyone asked me to do anything, if I possibly could, I would. If it meant rearranging my plans, spending money I didn’t have, doing something I didn’t want to do… I just wanted to help. Nowadays I am a little more discerning.

“I never bother about that. Those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter.“

Bernard Baruch

American Financier

Now, it has to be something that:

  • won’t cause me any anxiety in the build up
  • it has to not cause me any physical issues
  • I have to know that if I asked you to do the same, you would be there for me.

 

I don’t think this is unreasonable.

If you fulfil these conditions you can pretty much ask me anything and I will move heaven and earth.

The difference is, I am doing it because I genuinely want to help you, not because I want you to think I’m a good person.

There have been times in my life when I dressed the way I thought I should, did things I felt I should, took jobs I thought I should and generally ignored everything that made me me.

Looking back it makes me sad. I deserve to be allowed to be me, without trying to please someone else. Without fulfilling someone else’s checklist of what I should be, do wear, have…

As soon as I stopped worrying about what other people thought, I was immediately happier. I started making all my decisions based around how it made me feel.

I listen to my heart, to my gut instinct and it feels great.

Instead of spending two weeks dreading something that I have agreed to do, I only do things I will enjoy, or that feel amazing because I am helping someone I really care about, and who cares about me. Instead of wearing shoes that hurt my feet and clothes that don’t make me feel confident because it feels like I’m wearing a costume, I wear clothes that reflect my personality and that I feel comfortable in. (I am currently trying to decide whether I can wear silver pumps under a long sequinned dress for my friends wedding – I know I can but will it make me feel the best I can?).

I show up every day as the best me I can be on that day.

Some days that means exhausted with no make up, jeans and a hoodie. Others it means bouncing into the room with my hair done, nails painted, smart trousers and a shirt.

I am human. I am imperfectly perfect but I am happy in the knowledge that people know who I am and what I believe in. And yes, there are still times when I talk to people I don’t really want to, that’s life. There are still days I have to get all dressed up for an event which demands a particular dress code and all I want to do is stay in my pjs, but I will adapt my outfit so that I am comfortable and confident. I might wear flat shoes where once I would have felt pressured to wear heels (ridiculous when I’m already nearly 6ft!).

I compromise but I don’t sacrifice myself in the process.

This is not an easy path, but it is one which is well worth trying. Take a few steps and see how it makes you feel.

Make a commitment to yourself that you will stop doing just one of the things you are doing which are inauthentic. Your stress levels will lower and you will immediately feel happier. 

 

You deserve to be living your life, not someone else’s!

 

The Importance of Caring for your Energetic Self – pt 2 Cleansing your energy

by | Mar 16, 2018 | Mindfulness

Energy care pt 2

Cleansing your energetic self

In my last blog I talked about the importance of caring for your energetic self and how to protect yourself from other people’s energy.

What if you have already gathered other people’s negative energy though, can you cleanse yourself of it?

Of course the answer is yes. Otherwise we would all be carrying round other people’s energetic baggage from our childhoods. But how can you begin cleansing your energy?

Well, there are several methods, but these are my favourite techniques.  

Having a cleansing bath

Having a bath or shower is a great way to cleanse your energetic self. Someone once told me when my children were very young that to calm children down when they were tired, angry or over excited “just add water”. Whether it is a bath, paddling in a stream or going swimming, being in or near water calms our nervous and energetic system.

A shower is better as it washes the energy away from you, however, there are magical things you can add to your bath to help it cleanse your energy more effectively.

Having a cleansing bath

Having a bath or shower is a great way to cleanse your energetic self. Someone once told me when my children were very young that to calm children down when they were tired, angry or over excited “just add water”. Whether it is a bath, paddling in a stream or going swimming, being in or near water calms our nervous and energetic system.

A shower is better as it washes the energy away from you, however, there are magical things you can add to your bath to help it cleanse your energy more effectively.

 

Adding sea salt to your bath makes it more cleansing. There is a reason we always feel revived when we have been to the seaside, the sea air and salt water are incredibly cleansing.

You can add a few drops of lavender essential oil, or whatever your favourite calming oil is, and this will make the bath even more calming.

 

You can also use energy healing to cleanse your aura.

Lie somewhere comfortable and close your eyes. I like to place my hands on my stomach but as long as you are comfortable.

Imagine that your body is filled with a beautiful light. It can be any colour you like but white, gold and silver work best for me.

Imagine that the light is filling your body and shining out of you and reaching out around your body cleaning and cleansing as it does.

Just relax and enjoy this feeling of love and safety.

 

Using crystals to cleanse 

You can also use crystals to cleanse your aura (aura is just another word for your energetic self). The crystals which have cleansing properties are obsidian, selenite, black tourmaline and smokey quartz.

You can wear these crystals, carry them in your pocket, hold them while you relax (or as you do the light body cleanse), however you feel you want to use them.

 

Cleansing breath

You can use your breath to cleanse your energy too.

Have you every noticed that when something difficult has happened or you have had an unpleasant encounter with someone you take a big deep breath?

When you breathe deep into your lungs and breathe out with a sigh you are releasing any negative energy from your body. You can add power to this by imagining as you breathe in you are breathing in cleansing, light filled air, and as you breathe out imagine you are releasing all your negativity and worries.

 

These are my favourite ways to cleanse your energy system.

If you combine the protection and the cleansing that you have learned you should be feeling great.

Many of us don’t realise that when we feel tired or frustrated it is often our subtle energy system that is out of balance. These simple tips could make a big difference.

 

The Importance of Caring for your Energetic Self

by | Mar 12, 2018 | Mindfulness

Energy care

Do you now how to care for your energy?

We are all aware of the importance of caring for our physical body; eating well, sleeping enough, exercising etc.

Most of us are increasingly aware of the importance of caring for our emotional self, but how may of us understand how to care for our energetic self. 

How many of us even know we have an energetic self?

As an energy healer I am more aware than most of the energetic level that we exist on. I have always been able to sense things that others seemed to be unaware of, but this became even more apparent when I completed my Reiki training in order to keep myself well after my brain surgery in 2007. At this point I really began to understand what it was I had been tuning into. 

 

Our human energy system is complex

We have energy which we take in as food and release as movement, breathing, etc, but we also have a more subtle energy system. This diagram gives you an incredibly simple version of our energy structure.

We have seven chakras, which run through the centre of our bodies and a complex, layered aura which is our external energy system. It is this energy which we detect with out even really being aware of it when we first meet someone and we instantly like or dislike them. It can tell us much more than that though.

It is our own energy system which detects when others are feeling tired/happy/angry/frustrated and also how we pick up on an atmosphere in a room or building.

Most of us use this incredibly complex energetic structure all day every day and we never even realise.

It would take much more than a quick blog to teach your about the workings of your energy system, and I couldn’t teach you all about it any way because there are so many intricacies that I don’t understand.

What I can do though is to teach you to look after it, using a couple of very simple techniques.

There are two very simple techniques which I use to keep my energy system healthy and clean, yes you have to keep it clean! 

The first thing I do is to protect my energy.

Why do I need to protect my energy?

Well, I am very sensitive to energy so if I pick up other people’s energy or they take too much of mine, it can affect me quite dramatically. The same is true for you, but you may not have realised that that is what is causing your symptoms.

[bctt tweet=”Have you ever spent time in someone’s company and come away feeling exhausted? They may have been draining your energy. Learning how to protect yourself will change your life.” username=”KateBeddowUK”]

Perhaps they were having a difficult time or had been ill? Chances are they were unknowingly draining your energy. Often with loved ones they don’t even have to take it, we give it freely. But it can leave us feeling tired.

What can we do to help protect our energy?

One thing we can do is to put on a suit of armour.

Let me talk you through it, this is a script I use with children:

We are going to put on a very special suit of armour. Your armour is going to protect you from energy. When someone is feeling sad, angry or tired they can make us feel sad, angry or tired if we spend time with them so it is important to put on our energy armour every morning so that we can feel happy all the time, no matter how everyone else is feeling.

Ok we are going to imagine that we are pulling on some very strong very thick trousers, as we pull them on imagine that they are going to keep all your happiness and love inside and not let anything sad or angry get to you. Once you have put on your trousers, pull on your boots and grab your top. As you put on your top imagine that this is protecting your heart and your stomach from all those sad feelings that you get sometimes. Pull on your gloves, and find your protective helmet. Once you have put on your helmet you are completely protected from other people’s feelings which might make you feel sad or upset. We’re going to just do the final preparation. Ok, close your eyes and think about how strong your armour is. Nothing can get through your armour. Anything that touches your armour is immediately turned into love and bounces back off the armour. If you feel sad or angry while you are wearing your magical suit of armour don’t worry, the sad feelings can get out. Negative feelings can only leave the armour, they can’t get in but happy, loving feelings can move through the armour in any direction and make everyone feel happy. You are now completely safe and ready for battle). 

It may seem silly at first but simply performing an energy protection ritual can make a huge difference. You don’t have to use armour, you can protect yourself in a bubble, a pyramid, even a jelly baby. We long as you set your intention that nothing negative can get out and your energy will be protected it will be.

You may read some people suggesting that you create a mirrored surface and bounce any negativity back to the person who sent it. Please don’t do that. I always set my intention that anything that isn’t able to get through my energy shield is turned into love and bounced back. There is enough negativity in the world.

“Energy cannot be created or destroyed, it can only be changed from one form to another.”

Albert Einstein

Genius

Now when you have to go to the supermarket or a shopping centre and you are surrounded by stressed parents shouting at their children and impatient adults whose only thought is what they need to get done, you won’t be affected by their negativity, it will just bounce off you instead of clinging to your energy system and making you feel tired or angry too.

In my next blog I will explain how easy it is to cleanse your energy system and teach you some simple energy healing techniques to help you strengthen your energy. 

Pin It on Pinterest