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Does your lack of self belief hold you back?

by | May 21, 2018 | Mindfulness

Self belief

Self belief is something I have struggled with throughout my life.

I have never believed that I was as good as everyone else. Always felt that I had to prove myself more than others. Always needed a certificate to tell me I was capable of doing something new.  

It took my many years to realise that some skills can’t be taught and some skills we come pre-loaded with. No-one taught me how to be a teacher. yes I spent 4 years doing a degree so that I had the qualification I needed , but I was born with the ability to teach. Teaching is such an intrinsic part of who I am that I can’t not teach. When I spend time with children I can’t help guiding their experiences so that they learn something new. Even when I spend time with adults I love passing on knowledge I have gleaned from something I have read or heard that might be of interest.

I thought everyone could teach. I genuinely did. Then I went on some training courses when I started learning holistic therapies and realised that not everyone can teach!

I sat through a three day course where having been given a beautifully printed workbook the “teacher” hopped from page 52 to page 3 then page 87 and back to page 12, while writing in virtually illegible writing up the edges of a flip chart and talking in a monotonous voice.

At that point I had an epiphany!

Teaching is one of my superpowers.

This person was clearly making a good living delivering training and yet they were disorganised, there was no flow to the sessions and even as a sympathetic and interested student I was bored and knew I wasn’t taking as much information in as I wanted to. This person was teaching adults. In a classroom full of children or teenagers they would have been eaten alive.

For years I had allowed my inner voice to prevent me from taking chances, from putting myself out there and taking on new challenges because my inner critic would shout: “Who do you think you are? Do you really think you could do that? Other people can do that but you can’t” 

Since that day I have acknowledged that my ability to impart wisdom is a gift, and probably my most valuable skill. I allow myself to say out loud that I am a teacher and a good teacher, for years I saw this as a job description, but it is so much more than that.

I have also realised that it isn’t my only super power. I have loads!

Do I always radiate self belief? No.

Do I sometimes allow self doubt to flood my body and paralyse me? Occasionally, but not very often these days.

Am I making progress every day? Oh yes!

Every single day I try to make myself do something I think I can’t do. Whether it is digging the garden when I know I’m tired or saying yes to a business opportunity that scares me, I make myself do it and prove to myself that I can.

The Yes Woman!

Do you remember Danny Wallace’s project (and subsequent book and film) “The Yes Man”. “Wallace vowed to say yes to every offer, invitation, challenge, and chance” (credit: Amazon.co.uk). This one change totally transformed his life. I may not be in a position to say yes to every opportunity, I have my family to consider, but I decided a few years ago that I would say yes to every business offer that came my way and work out how to make it happen after. It has brought so many amazing opportunities into my life. 

Like so many things, self belief is something that only you can change. 

[bctt tweet=”You have to make a decision to change, to start believing in your own ability more, no-one can do it for you. ” username=”KateBeddowUK”]

It isn’t easy and there certainly isn’t a quick fix.

“Believe in your infinite potential. Your only limitations are those you set upon yourself.”

Roy T. Bennett

Author, The Light in the Heart

What can you do to improve your self belief?

Use your Superpowers

My superpowers are teaching, learning, caring and overcoming adversity. These are just the first few that popped into my head, I know now that I have many more. Sit and think about what your superpowers are, make a list of all your gifts. If you genuinely can’t think of any, ask someone you trust, they will tell you in a heartbeat. 

Use power poses

Power poses have been proven to make you act and feel more confident. Standing with your shoulders back and your head high automatically makes you feel more confident.

Use Visualisation

See yourself looking and feeling confident in your minds eye. Close your eyes, picture a situation that you find intimidating and see yourself looking happy, calm and confident. Keep using the same visualisation until you believe that it can be no other way.

Do one thing that scares you every day?

It doesn’t have to be something big. It might be that you don’t like using the phone and you make yourself ring the dentist. You might not like being in busy places and decide to go to a shopping centre. Perhaps you are scared of driving in unfamiliar areas, make yourself take a trip somewhere new. Whatever it is for you, just do something little every day. Flex your self confidence muscles.

Challenge your inner voice

We all have an inner critic who tells us we can’t do things, and makes us doubt our ability. However much that inner critic thinks it is helping us, it is often holding us back. Evolution taught us to be wary of situations that have caused us to be scared or anxious as a way of keeping us safe, most of the things we are scared of now are not physically dangerous though so we need to find ways to shut that inner voice up. The quickest way I have found is to question what the voice is saying; Is this true? Is it definitely true? How do I know? Can I prove it? Really challenge your inner voice and make it prove itself.

Read about others who have built their self belief

There is no better teacher than someone who has experienced what you are going through. The reason I teach relaxation and mindfulness is because I suffered from crippling anxiety in my late teens and early twenties then went on to suffer from depression when I started teaching. I don’t want anyone to go through what I went through without strategies and support. By learning about other people who have overcome the challenges you face it enables you to learn from them and also reminds you that it is possible. A quick search on Amazon will bring up lots of self belief books, choose one that looks appealing.

Be kind to yourself

It is so important not to beat yourself up for feeling self doubt because that isn’t helpful. Challenge yourself and reward yourself for taking baby steps in the right direction. If you don’t achieve your target, take a deep breath and decide to do it tomorrow. Make time to relax and look after yourself. If you aren’t getting enough rest you can’t function at the level you need to to make real progress. 

Final word

The most important thing to remember is that nothing is permanent. Nothing. You can change anything if you decide you want to. Making that choice is the hardest part, if you are reading this, you’ve already taken that step.

 

 

 

Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. This means that if you click the link and buy the product/service associated I will receive a small payment in return. The product/service will not cost you any more. I never recommend anything I have not experienced myself. I always appreciate any purchases made using my links as they enable me to continue writing and helping more people. Find out more in my Terms of Service.

Being Mindful in a Crisis

by | May 14, 2018 | Mindfulness

Mindful crisis

There are times when life really challenges us. When it asks us to use every drop of strength and courage we have to cope with a situation or crisis. 

Whether it is a short term upheaval like an accident or a long term challenge such as a bereavement, we have to gather all our tools, all our strength and find a way to get through.

If you are above school age, chances are life has challenged you at some point. It may have been the loss of a loved or beloved pet. It may have been a serious illness you had to battle against. Perhaps you lost your job and been worried about your financial future and security.

Whatever challenges life has thrown at you, you have survived. I know that because you are reading this.

Why am I mentioning this?

Well, this weekend my family had their coping strategies challenged and it was fascinating watching the range of responses to the situation.

 

To give you some background we were having a day out; my husband and children, my parents, my sister and her family and her in laws. Everyone was having a lovely time, enjoying the weather and each other’s company when something happened which changed the entire course of the day.

There was an accident involving one of the children. I feel able to talk about this now because they are ok, but I won’t go into details.

Everyone present loves that little bundle of joy so much, and we are all equally besotted with her.

The range of reactions was interesting though.

The parents jumped into action and doing what needed to be done along with one grandparent who was driving – the rest of us had walked. The remaining adults comforted the children and each other. There was a brief period of panic and, in some cases, hysteria and then there was nothing further we could do. 

Some of the adults, and older children, were clearly reliving the experience and trying to predict the outcome – impossible.

The youngest child, once recovered from the drama, carried on as normal, playing, chatting and eating ice lollies. 

The remaining adults, for a variety of reasons, just carried on until there was news and something to be done, practically to help.

This is the very essence of mindfulness.

Living in the moment. Reacting to what is happening, not what we imagine might happen. 

When life challenges us it is easy to get lost in a sea of “what ifs” and “if onlys” but it is only what we can do differently now that matters.

Even at the most desperate times we always have a choice about what we think and how we react.

We could have chosen to abandon the day out and sit panicking in a tea room somewhere but we chose to entertain the children and keep ourselves busy to pass the time until there was more news.

“Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor”

Thich Nhat Nanh

Author

Passing the time and focusing on what we could change was the only option we had. The children were already upset and distraction is a powerful tool for young minds.

It is important that when life presents us with obstacles and situations to deal with which feel like they might break us, that we take a deep breath and use that time to make some choices. We can choose to be a victim of circumstance or we can choose to be the captain of our own ship.

Even at the most challenging moments we can ask ourselves; what is the most beneficial thing I can do for myself right now? It may be to have a cup of sweet tea and a piece of cake (we did that on Saturday too!), sometimes that is enough to steady our nerves and give us the energy to carry on. It may be to create an action plan to get us out of the crisis we have found ourselves in. Or it may be to sit in self care; have a bath, go for a run, treat ourselves to whatever our soul needs right now.

[bctt tweet=”Life is precious and if we don’t live every minute as though we mean it, we’re wasting the most valuable commodity we have, time. ” username=”KateBeddowUK”]

When we take time to breath and really think about what the best course of action is, we can amaze ourselves with the resilience and strength we have within us. We all have it, we just have to find it and mindfulness is a great map to help us find it.

 

What do I mean by mindfulness?

Well, I have already said that in essence it is just being present but I appreciate that that is an abstract concept. Why not try this easy mindful breathing exercise next time you are under pressure.

 

Calming breath

Close your eyes and relax your shoulders.

Take a deep breath in through your nose and feel the breath entering your nose. Does it feel warm or cold? Did you feel your breath anywhere else as you took the breath in, maybe the back of your throat or your chest?

As you breathe out pay attention to your breath again.

This time as you breathe in imagine the air entering your body is a beautiful calming blue and it makes you feel so relaxed as it enters your body.

When you breathe out imagine that calming blue breath is removing any stress and tension from your body.

Repeat this 3-5 times or as many as you need to begin to feel more calm and relaxed. 

 

The Restorative Benefits of Nature

by | May 7, 2018 | Mindfulness

Healing nature

This is not what I was intending to write about today but after three days of glorious sunshine I couldn’t resist basking in the beauty of nature for just a little longer.

It was May Bank Holiday weekend here in the UK this weekend and miraculously the weather has been amazing! The sun has shone for three days straight. There hasn’t been a cloud in the sky, the birds have sung and the shops sold out of ice cream and barbecue food.

We have had my sister and her children staying for the weekend, escaping their building work and we have made the most of every minute of sunshine. We have spent time at the park, been for a walk and a picnic on Cannock Chase (a beautiful woodland), had another picnic and a walk at Stafford Castle and spent time in the garden. 

 The benefits of being out in nature 

I’m sure I don’t need to tell any of you how lovely it is to be outside in the sunshine. The healing properties of that big ball of gas in the sky are powerful indeed. My children and I were discussing the fact that just the smell of suncream puts us in a good mood because you know that if you need suncream then it’s a beautiful day.  There are so many smells of spring sunshine; blossom on the trees, fresh cut grass, barbecue smoke and washing on the line.

Then there are colours. The bright green of new foliage, the blue of the sky, the pink and white of blossom on the trees. The feel of the breeze on your skin, the sound of the birds in the trees, lawnmowers buzzing and of children playing. The senses are truly brought to life in this weather. 

The science bit…

It isn’t just the mindful, sensory experience of being in nature that is so beneficial though – although that is wonderful for our well being. There are sound medical and scientific reasons why being in nature is beneficial too.

When we visit the seaside the air is full of negative ions, which despite how it sounds is really beneficial in helping us feel more positive.

When we spend time in trees we feel happier, the air is cleaner because the trees are natures air purifiers, the green colour is even believed to make you live longer, trees are natural healers.  

When we go paddling the pebbles massage our feet and the water cools and washes them. Our feet feel instantly revived.

Just to add to the list of benefits, when we spend time outdoors we aren’t inside staring at a screen, we are usually walking or paddling or playing. 

You don’t really need me to tell you that being in nature is good for you though do you?

You only need to do it, to feel it, to remember it to know that its calming, magical powers can take away even the heaviest of burdens and make you feel calm and happy again. If you are fortunate enough for that time in nature to be with loved ones then the benefits are ten fold. 

“In every walk with nature one receives far more than he seeks”

John Muir

American Naturalist and Author

When was the last time you took time to be in nature? To sit and relax in the garden, to walk through the woods, to paddle in a stream or in the sea?

If you can’t remember, then it’s time to get out there again. Go for a walk during your lunch break, walk to the shop instead of driving. Take time to visit your favourite garden, woodland or seaside spot. Your body and your well being will be glad you did.

 

Are you achieving your potential?

by | Apr 29, 2018 | Mindfulness

Potential

Are you achieving your potential?

This is a question I ask myself all the time. We are being told all the time that life is short and we have to live every minute to the fullest. I know deep in my soul that that is important, really important. It was one of my most fundamental shifts after I was so ill. I felt deeply that I needed to live and be fully present every day.

I do… most of the time!

But I’m human. Sometimes I am tired and I have to allow myself to rest. Occasionally my family life takes over and I have to be there to care for my children and my work takes a back seat a little bit. At times I have to put self care first. When I have my 6 weekly injection it can really wipe me out for a day and there is little I can do about that.

Should I beat myself up at these times?

Absolutely not!

Is it frustrating at times? Yes!

Do I have to accept that that is life? Yes!

Would I be happy, healthy and walking my talk if I pushed through and chained myself to work every time something came up to derail me a little? Of course not!  

Could I stand up and talk about the importance of giving our children the love and support they need, and preach about how vital they are to the future, if I locked myself in my office every time my own children needed me? Well, I could try but it would be inauthentic and you would see through me in no time.

Would I be able to tell you how important self care is, and how crucial it is to look after yourself, if I didn’t stop and allow my body to rest when it is being challenged? You’re getting the idea aren’t you?

If I don’t listen to my own advice, then how can I give it?

Do I always rest when I’m tired? Honestly no, but do I make sure I rest as soon as I can? Yes I do. Because I have learned the hard way that if I don’t my body takes matters into its own hands and forces me to.

Does the fact that I am giving myself time out from my work mean that I am not achieving my potential? 

No! If I pushed through and worked 24/7 I would burn out really quickly and then I wouldn’t be any use to anyone.

Are there times when I could do more?

Yes there are. I work hard to create the best resources and provide the most helpful information possible, but I am phenomenally bad at shouting about it once I have finished creating. I am learning that it’s all very well working hard and creating brilliant resources, but if no-one ever knows they are there, then there is really no point.

It’s all well and good being knowledgeable, but if you can’t share that with other people it has no value at all.

So what am I going to do about it?

Well, I’ve already started. I am putting myself out there more. I am more active on social media, I’m writing for new audiences, I am responding to journalist requests, I even applied to be on a TV show! I know!

I truly believe that I have a lot to share with the world, and I am trying to be brave and tell everyone about the amazing work I do.

Is it easy? NO!

Not even a little bit! Would I be happier hiding in a cave writing and making beautiful resources?

Yes, most days!

But knowing that the people who need my work most will never see it or being able to benefit from it if I don’t tell someone and learn to step into my own power and achieve my own potential definitely drives me forward.

Every day when we wake up we have a decision to make about whether we make the day count or we allow it to wash over us. If you decide to read a book or go for a walk is that making the most of your day? Yes if it makes you happy and if you really benefit from it. If you sit watching TV all day? Well, if your body needs total rest then yes, in some circumstances that might be the best use of your time. If you are watching brain chewing gum and just distracting yourself from all the things you know you should be doing, then it really isn’t helping you to build the life you want to live is it?

“The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.” 

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Philosopher

So why am I sharing all this with you?

Well, partly because I think it’s important for you to know that I too am a work in progress. We all are, forever, so get used to it. But I also want you to stop and think about your own life. That’s what this is about. It doesn’t matter to you whether I achieve my potential.

[bctt tweet=”It makes no difference to anyone but you if you achieve your potential.” username=”KateBeddowUK”]

There was a study done many years ago where end of life carers were asked what they were most often told by patients on their death beds. It was always things they wish they had done, people they wanted to have had more time with.

According to the Independent the most common regret was:

“I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me”

Achieving our own potential, isn’t always about earning the most money, having the biggest house or the most expensive car, it may be knowing that you have really helped someone every day or that you were the best mum/dad/nurse/teacher/plumber you could be. Whatever you need to do to really feel that you have given it your all and you will have no regrets when it is your turn to lie in that bed and look back over your life.

Live in the moment. Be your best self every minute. Be aware of your impact in the world. Make sure you are changing the world for the better – not someone else’s idea of better, your idea of better.  

What are you waiting for? Take a deep cleansing breath and step out of your comfort zone and into you creative arena!

I can’t wait to see you shine!

The Power of Working from the Heart

by | Apr 20, 2018 | Mindfulness

Heart work

I am a teacher. 

If you know me that might sound like an obvious thing to say. I spent most of my childhood playing at being a teacher, 4 years training to be a teacher. After which I began working in as a teacher in many schools. But for a long time I couldn’t say it.

In my mind, calling myself a teacher had to mean that I was working in a school teaching classes from 9-3 and working crazy hours planning and marking. A combination of my early experiences of teaching in the inner city with an unsupportive Headteacher and my illness later on in life meant that I knew I couldn’t return to that life. My body wouldn’t allow me to and I didn’t feel like it was the right choice for me.

In my heart I still felt like a teacher though. I wanted to impart wisdom. I still felt drawn to teachers at social gatherings. I felt like I belonged every time I went into my children’s school. Going into schools felt safe and like coming home. 

By the time my daughter was at school and settled I had done all my training in holistic therapies and mindfulness. Every time I visited her school I wanted to offer to do some training or teach the children some relaxation techniques, but something held me back.

When I was teaching full time, only a few years before, it would never have been acceptable to teach the children anything so “new age”, so I suppose I hadn’t picked up on the changing attitudes.

I was delighted when I was chatting to her teacher one day and we were talking about what I was doing now, she knew I had been a teacher because we qualified the same year and had discussed it previously. I explained that I was teaching relaxation and mindfulness and, at that time, still doing treatments. She asked whether I could come in and lead an INSET session for the staff. I was delighted and jumped at the chance. That led to me going in and teaching a lesson the the Y6 class before their SATs and at that moment I realised that I could create the job of my dreams.

Teaching relaxation in schools.

I immediately started creating Calmer Classrooms as a concept. I formalised the lesson I had created for the Y6 class and added it to my website and created a few lesson plans which I offered for free on my blog. The one day I decided to just do it and make the switch from being a therapist who did some work in schools to focusing all my energy on Calmer Classrooms.

I created a downloadable ebook and set up a new newsletter list. Changed the name of my Facebook page and joined a few teacher Facebook groups. Knowing that many teachers get up early to plan on a weekend I woke at 6:30am and shared a link to my free ebook and resources in the biggest teaching group I could find.

I waited.

Would anyone even notice my post?

No-one replied. No-one liked it. I turned over in bed and decided to see what had happened in a little while.

I fell asleep.

When I woke up an hour later I checked the post. Still no-one had liked or commented but I decided to check my newsletter list.

I had 400+ subscribers!

I’d like to put this into perspective for anyone who doesn’t have a newsletter list. I know we hear about people with thousands, even millions of subscribers, but I had just spent 4+ years building my therapy and natural parenting list and I had 273 subscribers!

By the end of the weekend I had over 2000 subscribers. At one point I was literally watching the numbers roll round. It was like magic.

I knew there and then that I was doing the right thing.

Since then I have put all my energy into helping teachers. To say it is my passion would be an understatement. I love doing the other aspects of my work; giving talks, my work with Become the Force, writing etc but helping teachers and helping them to help our children is my raison d’être.

It is my everything.

It gives me so much joy to hear from teachers who have seen their class transform before their eyes from using my resources. Or hear how a class have breezed through their SATs using the breathing techniques I taught them. There is no greater joy than helping people achieve their potential, and staying calm and focused is the quickest way to ensure they do just that.

When you find your life’s purpose. When you really love what you do. When you genuinely care about the people you are working with, it isn’t work. I don’t work, I create and I nurture and I share. I was asked by someone yesterday what I want to achieve. It’s simple. I want to change the education system. I want to be seen by enough people to have the authority to change the current climate in education and really make a difference to teachers and children. Not just in this country but globally. 

“If you do what you love, it’s the best way to relax”

Christian Louboutin

Designer

Today I want to ask you, what do you want to achieve?

Who do you want to help? What can you do to ensure that you are working from your heart?

Christian Louboutin said: “When you do what you love, it’s the best way to relax” so find what you love, and do it every day. You will feel happier and more calm than ever before.

 

If you want to know more about my work in schools please go to www.calmerclassrooms.co.uk.

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