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“Change: has been the topic of the month in The Super Woman Life club for October.

Change is probably the word I associate most with Autumn. The changes seem so apparent at this time of year. The leaves on the trees turn from green to gold and then fall to the ground. The days get shorter and the nights longer. We all reach for our jumpers and boots and huddle round the fire with a hot drink. 

Everything about life seems to change in the Autumn. 

I don’t know about you, but I love it. I love getting under a wamr blanket with a cuppa or a hot chocolate and watching a film with the family, or reading a book, or even doing some work. Everything feels happier and more acceptable with a blanket and tea.

Changes in nature are out of our control. We can’t decide that we want it to be Spring, or that we would like it to snow today and make that happen. We accept the changes and we often embrace them. They are predictable to a degree. We don’t often get weather that is completely unexpected. We grow used to what weather we should expect depending on the season we are in (and I am saying this as a resident of the UK, where the weather can seem really unpredictable at times!).

There are other changes that we accept. We know we will grow older every year, every day actually. With that ageing comes a string of changes; growth, learning, changes in hair colour, number of teeth, height. We may not necessarily embrace all the changes as we head into old age, but we can pretty much predict what they will be. Just as when we are children we know we will get taller, stronger, learn to talk. We know that our hair and nails will grow and that will will learn something every day. It is expected and because of that it feels safe.

Changes we create…

Some changes we create, such as deciding to get fit or lose weight. Perhaps we make the decision to work on our mental wellbeing by meditating every day or doing more gardening. Perhaps we decide to make more effort to change our outside world by decorating, rearranging a cupboard, tidying up more often or recycling more. These are all changes we consciously make. These are the most amazing changes. This type of change empowers us. It helps us grow. It makes us a better version of ourselves and fills us with a sense of achievement or pride. This change is magical. We are in control and we embrace it.

Some change though, catches us out.

Redundancy, illness, bereavement… the list goes on. Changes over which will have no control but that we aren’t prepared for can derail us.

Any change in our outside world which is outside our control can have a huge impact on our internal world and, as a consequance, our mental health.

How can we stop ourselves from being floored by unexpected change?

It is important to remember that feeling anxious about change is normal. We are pre-programmed to feel safe when things stay the same. New things may be dangerous so we instinctively avoid anything which has the potential to cause us harm. We are often scared of failing too. Perhaps the change means we have to do something we have never done before, it may be a new job which has different demands or moving to a new area where you have to make new friends. We often convince ourselves that we are not capable of these challenges and as a result we stay in the safety of our familiar life and routines.

However, if we never change, and everything always stays the same, we never experience anything new. We never learn anything and we can never discover new pleasures either.

What can you do to overcome your fear of change?

Accept that being imperfect is exactly what is required of youYou don’t have to be the best. You might have a quiver in your voice when you do your first presentation for your boss, that’s ok. Just by standing up and speaking you have learned to overcome that fear. You have grown and achieved something amazing.

Accept what you can control. All too often the changes that make us most uncomfortable and afraid are caused by someone else’s decisions. We have to accept that sometimes these decisions are signs that we aren’t supposed to spending as much time with them, or even that we shouldn’t have them in our lives at all. We can only control our rection to changes that occur, we can’t always change the decision.

Your life is your choices. Your life isn’t pre-destined. It is a collection of choices and changes. By choosing whether to embrace the changes that occur or reject them you are writing your life story. Sometimes we have to make that big scary decision to embrace a change in order to create the life that we know we are meant to be living. Grab that opportunity with both hands and hold it close, if you run away who knows when it might present itself again.

Take control of the situation. This may sound silly but if you make the decision to accept the change and convince yourself that it is something you want to happen, it suddenly becomes something you can cope with. This isn’t possible with every change, for example it wouldn’t work with grief, but even with illness, you can decide that it is a necessary rest and reminder of your own mortality. Appreciate the lesson in the situation and be grateful for the opportunities it presents. Harness the energy of the change rather than letting it control you. Make the most of what life has given you.

Burn your script. So often our resistance to change comes from a belief that we are not living up to the life we always thought we would be living. We have created a story of what our life will be like, often from an early age, and any deviation feels like failure. It isn’t failure, it is just another choice, another path you can decide to take. Stop and really think about why you feel that your script it the right story. Often we are trying to live our life according to a very outdated idea of what we sould or shouldn’t be doing. Burn that script and enjoy living the life you have been given. Everything will feel so much better.

So, as you are huddled up under your blanket this Autumn,take a moment to reflect on your relationship to change. Do you embrace it or does it fill you with dread? What can you do to make it more manageable?

If you would like to know more about The Super Woman Life  and the many and how it can help you to feel more empowered and calm, you can find out more here.

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