Difficult Decisions

by Kate Beddow | Oct 12, 2024 | Uncategorised

How many decisions do you make a day?

It is thought that an average adult makes between 33,000 and 35,000 decisions a day. This is an average, some people have to make many more. Some decisions may be small and simple to make; What socks shall I wear? Do I need to have a shower? What shall I have for breakfast? You can see how that number is so large when you break your day down into decisions like this, can’t you?

These decisions are simple and often immaterial. Rarely will wearing the wrong socks have an impact on your day. Sometimes though, those big decisions come along; Should I accept the job? Which school should I send my child to? Should I have this medical procedure?

How do you cope when you have a big decision to make? Are you good at decision making? I would consider myself to be quite good at making decisions in an emergency situation, I am pretty good at keeping my cool and doing what needs to be done.

The times when I find it hardest are when I have more time to think about big decisions. Being a parent and business owner, most of the big decisions I have to make, aren’t urgent decisions, but sometimes they feel really big. As a parent for example, I know that many of the most valuable lessons we learn are through challenges we face. That’s when we really find out who we are, I know that this is the case because I have lived through my own series of difficult decisions. Watching your toddler struggle to get the shape in the shape sorter and get frustrated is one thing. Watching your grown up child make decisions about relationships. friendships, jobs, their life away from you, is a whole other level. The temptation to jump in an help is huge in both situations, but it is important to step back and let them work things out, otherwise they don’t learn the life skills they need to survive away from you.

Analysis Paralysis

When we have too many things to think about we can struggle to process anything. We often go round and round on the same thoughts without making any progress.

We need help to break out of this pattern. The first thing to do is to take some big, slow deep breaths. The first thing that happens when we are worried or scared is that our heart rate increases and we go into fight, flight or freeze. When this happens all our problem solving and decision making skills are abandoned in favour of survival functions like running and hitting. Stop, and breathe. This being to calm the body and makes problem solving and decision making slightly easier again. I would always recommend talking to loved ones. Just talking through things is so helpful, getting other trusted opinions, other perspectives, reassurance.

This is where journaling can really be beneficial. By writing all these thoughts out our brain can’t distinguish between those things which we have written to say to someone and those that we have just written down for ourselves. We work through things and discover answers to questions.

Writing to make decisions is instinctive

As a teenager, and we all know how challenging those years can be, I instinctively wrote out my challenges and decisions. It didn’t dawn on me what I was doing until years later. Not only did I keep a diary, but I had several trusted pen friends who I wrote to weekly. These letters to my friends were my very simple juvenile journaling and counselling combined. Have you ever unconsciously used writing to help you make decisions or process difficult times?

How do you journal?

Just start writing about the situation you have to make a decision about, and see what appears on the page. You may be surprised what appears. Keep writing and writing and find out what you really think. You may discover that there are considerations you hadn’t thought of yet, or that there are things you haven’t take into account until now.

Pick up a pen and notebook or piece of paper and start writing.

The benefits of journaling are huge and you will reduce your anxiety around the issue you are writing about and even lower your blood pressure as you write. It really is an incredibly beneficial habit to form.

Just give it a try, you might be surprised by the results.

If you haven’t tried journaling before and don’t know how to start, you can find out more.

All that glitters…

by Kate Beddow | Jul 1, 2024 | Uncategorised

All that glitters isn’t gold…

This week I have been reminded that often things aren’t quite what they seem. Often we see a shiny object and go chasing after it, how often does it deliver the way we want it to? Not very many in ny experience.

However, when it comes to writing does your writing have to glitter to have value?

Well, it depends on the purpose of your writing. If you want to write a bestselling novel then your writing probably has to glitter and be eye catching. If you are writing for your own purposes though, it definitely doesn’t need to glitter to have a deep and meaningful impact.

The last few weeks I have been working through some issues and after many, many hours of journaling I am starting to realise that they are rooted in a time long gone.

About twenty five years ago I had a very challenging few years, and, partly because I was dealing with some huge emotions but mostly because life was so busy, it is the only time in my life that I haven’t written.

Throughout my life I have always written as a way of processing my thoughts and emotions. I have written diaries, letters to pen friends and even used blogs to work out my feelings and problem solve. For these few years thought I didn’t. So now, I have emotions popping up that at first I couldn’t process because they seemed unrelated to anything that I was experiencing at the moment. It turns out, they have been triggered by innocent and insignificant things that have happened recently. These issues have reappeared without warning. Now I am struggling to unpack them because the emotions twisted around these challenges are now so distant that it is hard to work through them effectively.

I spent 3 hours journaling last week tryibg to get to the bottom of what was going on in my head. Then I wrote a Substack article in an attempt to gain more clarity.

None of this writing was neat, accurately written, some of it was barely legible. It was a stream of consciousness from brain to page. That is why journaling works so well. It helps you to connect to your unconscious in a unique way.

Was any of it written in a way that other people would enjoy reading?

Certainly not the journaling! The article I wrote, was far frmo my best work, and i definitely wouldn’t want it in print in that form, but it was slightly more polished.

Did any of it glitter?

Not in a literary sense, no, but perhaps it would attract someone’s attention. Maybe even help someone who had experienced a similar time of trauma which they didn’t fully process. I didn’t share any of the issues or circumstances in the article, despite digging really deep into my mental archive in my journaling. Despite that, the message was hopefully clear; Always write.

I made myyself a promise in that article to never ever go so long without writing about my feelings truthfully and deeply again. I don;t ever want to have to pick through such old emotions and try to make sense of them again.

Now perhaps I would hae struggled to process them fully at the time. Maybe they were too raw. But I wish I had been brave enough, and with the benefit of hindsight and maturity I would urge my younger self to find the right moment and just be brave.

Woman in navy jumper journaling on the floor

Writing in this way does take bravery too. To allow your absolute truth out of your mind and onto the page takes real courage and vulnerability.

If you are worried that someone will read what you have written, you can destroy the writing once you have finished it, but the process of writing it down can really help you understand your inner workings in a deeper way.

Some of the most valuable and significant writing I have ever written is illegible scrawl. It has helped me process some huge emotions though and that makes it more precious than gold.

How do you do it?

Grab some paper and a pen and write.

It’s really that simple. The important thing though is not to filter what you are writing and to keep writing past the point that you thin you have anything important to say. Keep writing even if you aren’t saying anything important, and eventually things you had no idea were lurking in your brain will start to appear on the page. They might not be what you are expecting to see, they might not be what you are hoping to work through, but they will be important and need you to acknowledge them.

If you are worried that to be a writer, and write consistently means that you have to write something perfect and sparkly. What is important is that you write, not how you write, or where you write.

If I was to give one piece of advice I would recommend everyone write as often as they possibly can. Every day might not be realistic for you, but maybe you can write three times a week? or even once a week for a longer amount of time. Whatever works for you is great and any writing is better than none.

Write from your heart, don’t filter and see what appears for you.

Remember: If you need any support in your writing I am on hand to guide you, to support you with the process or to hold your hand through any really challenging issues that you can’t face working through alone. Work with me.

Does what you are saying strike a chord?

by Kate Beddow | Jun 10, 2024 | Uncategorised

does what you're saying strike a chord blog

Last week I gave a talk for a local children’s cancer charity. It was at a fundraising lunch and, as I always do, I walked in and looked around the room, taking in as much as I could about the audience I was about to address. I don’t know whether this is a throwback to my teaching days, when I used to assess what mood the children were in before I approached the subject I was teaching, or whether it is just an instinctive thing I do in life generally, probably a bit of both. I just find it helpful to know who I am talking to before I begin.

I had been asked to talk about storytelling, I wanted to pitch what I was saying just right, so that I wasn’t just talking to a room full of hungry, bored people.

I started talking about my Grandad Joe. I had taken his flat cap and one of his woodworking tools as props. I explained how when my Dad had lost his Dad quite suddenly he had asked all my other grandparents to write their life stories and how I had with me a document, which was 20 sides of A4, typed, containing the first 26 years of Grandad Joe’s life. I went on to explain that there also exists a similar document for my Grandma and that they then wrote an even longer document about their life together.

These writings are so precious to our family because they contain information and stories that we would never have discussed, despite being a very close family and spending a lot of time together talking about all manner of things. I then encouraged everyone to consider writing their life stories as a legacy document for their families. I asked them how much they would value such documents written by their grandparents and explained that if they had grandchildren, they might not realise how precious these stories are yet, but in the future they would treasure these memories.

The response was wonderful. Why? Well, they understood what I was saying. This theme is universally understood, but also because it was a room full of lovely people, mostly of retirement age. Most of whom had grandchildren so could relate not just to my perspective as a grandchild, but they could also see the value of sharing their lives with future generations and keeping their memories and stories alive.

When we speak it is so important to connect with the people we are speaking to, whether that is one to one or to a huge audience. The same is true when we write. Whether we are sending a text message to a loved one, or writing a book, it is important to think about who we are writing for and make sure we use the right language to engage them. We must think about the subjects we talk about and ensure that our words cannot be misinterpreted. It is important that what we are saying and how we are phrasing it conveys the intended meaning, and that that is what our reader absorbs.

When you write do you write for yourself or for others?

I know I do both. My journaling and note making is just for me. As long as I know what I am saying that’s all that matters. When I journal it is more about the process of getting things out of my head and organising them so they make sense and I can work through all the emotions and thoughts I am experiencing. When I am writing for others I have to be aware of who I am writing for. When I was a primary school teacher it was vital that I only used words and phrases that were easily understood and appropriate for the age group I was working with at the time.

Writing for adults is no different.

If you are writing for a national newspaper in the UK you should write as though you are writing for a 7-9 year old as it is believed that that is the reading level of most newspaper readers. Writing here I dare to extend that quite a lot because many people reading on Substack are themselves writers, so they have a good grasp of language. Even so, you want your writing to be accessible, and if you make it too complicated, and use too many unnecessarily long words, you will lose your reader.

Are you striking a chord with your writing? Perhaps you give talks and have strategies for keeping your audience engaged, I would love to hear your tips and experiences.

5 Ways to make your blog hit the spot

Don’t be afraid to change

by Kate Beddow | May 2, 2024 | Uncategorised

Are you afraid to change your life?

Change can be really scary. None of us likes the unknown, familiar is always more comforting. Unfortunately “everything you want is on the other side of fear”, as Jack Canfield said.

I love change.

I know that is strange, and I should qualify that I love change that I instigate. I think that is a distinction that needs to be made when we talk about change. When change happens to us, rather than us taking the reins, it isn’t as easy to accept.

From being very young I have loved changing my environment, I love changing my hair and my look, and I have always been able to change my circumstances if something felt wrong or wasn’t making me happy. I firmly believe that we change continually throughout our lives and as a result many other aspects of our lives must change too.

I have changed university courses because the first one I started didn’t feel right. I have moved house, ended relationships and had many different careers over the years because as I changed and grew, things just didn’t feel right anymore.

When I started teaching I thought I would be a teacher all my life, like my mum, and in a way I will always be a teacher, but it wasn’t the right career for me once I became ill. Over the years I have had many businesses and they have all taught me so much. Some have taught me practical business skills, some have taught me techniques and they have all taught me a lot about myself and what I need to be happy.

I have been afraid

When I was younger I was very aware of what other people’s perceptions were. Teaching is a respected profession, and when I left there were so many questions. People couldn’t understand why I didn’t want to go back.

When I started working as a therapist I felt a joy I had never experienced before. Helping people feel better, physically and mentally is the greatest gift.

I always dreamed of writing, but as I wrote about in a recent blog for Booksmith Academy, I didn’t believe a career in writing for for people like me. As for writing therapy, there was no way for me to choose that career straight from school, because it didn’t exist!

It is always better to be brave and make a change, than to stay put and be miserable. My latest big change is not about my career, I have never been more passionate about anything I have ever done. I had no idea everything I love could be combined so perfectly into a job. No, this change is about my own writing. As you may know, I have been writing my memoir, and I really believed that was going to be my first book. I am more than half way through my second draft, so it has been a considerable committment. I realise now that, for now at least, this book was just for my own therapeutic purposes. One long writing therapy project.

So, this week I have started my new book. I’m not going to share what it’s about yet, but it is something I am incredibly passionate about and I am so excited to be starting this new writing project and will take you on this adventure with me.

I have put years of my life into my memoir, but it doesn’t excite me anymore, and although I can’t rule out publishing it one day, it doesn’t feel right at the moment. So, I am making a change and, as I have always done, starting something new. Something that combines all my passions and makes my heart sing.

If there is an aspect of your life that doesn’t feel right anymore, it might be a job, a location, a friendship, even a relationship, you have two choices: you can be brave and make a change, or you can stay still and face the consequences. What choice will you make?

Build a Daily Writing Routine That Aligns with Your Unique Needs

by Kate Beddow | Apr 8, 2024 | Uncategorised

Routine is key with any new habit

Writing is like any new habit, you need tobe consistent to see the benefits. Making your writing part of your daily routine is a great way to be more consistent, more productive and achieve better results.

Although the commonly held belief is that it takes 21 days to form a habit, that has been disproved, it is now understood that it depends on many different factors and can be anything from 18 days to almost a year. This makes finding a routine that works for you even more important.

There is no point in me telling you that the best time to write is in the morning if you have small children who wake you up at the crack of dawn. Equally if I suggest you write in the evening and you work nights, that might not work for you. So instead of getting preachy about the best times to write and I am going to help you think about your life and find the best routine for your unique needs.

Things to think about when trying to start writing…

Do you have a regular routine?

Some people have a very rigid routine, they get up at the same time every day, leave for work at the same time, get home at the same time etc. Others have no semblence of a routine and that can make creating a writing habit more challenging, but not impossible. The key is finding a trigger that will remind you to write.

If you always get up and do certain jobs, maybe empty the dishwasher, make a coffee, walk the dog then sit down to work, could you write while you have your coffee? Maybe you could leave your journal out on your desk so it is the first thing you do before you start work?

If you are starting a journaling habit you don’t need hours, just 5-10 mins is more than enough to have an impact. If you are writing a book, then you may need to find longer stretches of time, but be realistic about the demands on your time.

When my children were little people kept suggesting I got up an hour earlier to meditate and journal. My son was already waking me up at 4:30am so the last thing I needed was to be waking up any earlier. So I started making my “self care time” the hour after the children went to bed. I would journal, meditate and then sleep. It has to work for you and your life.

What time works best for you?

Are you an early bird or a night owl? Perhaps your most creative time is the middle of the day? Understanding your own energetic and creative fluctuations is important when you are thinking about creating a writing routine. If you work best in the morning, perhaps you can write before everyone wakes up. If you find it easier to create later at night, maybe your writing time will be when everyone has gone to bed?

For women, you may notice that you are feeling more creative around the mid-point in your cycle. Perhaps what will work best for you is writing for hours during this week and just doing little bits for the rest of the month? Pay attention to how you feel throughout the month. There is no point fighting nature.

Be realistic

There is no point in creating a routine that involves you writing for 2 hours a day in the evening, if your evening is often disrupted by helping the children with homework, housework, calls from your parents because they need help…

Write down everything that impacts your ability to write and then create a writing routine around those factors.

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Eliminate distractions

Leave your phone in another room or put it on silent and face down. Tell everyone this is your writing time and only to disturb you in an emergency. Shut down all other windows on your screen, or write on paper. Give yourself the best possible chance to focus.

Don’t be too rigid

Life is always going to happen, if something comes up which stops you from writing, try to find an alternative time to write or just accept that it happens sometimes. DON’T LET IT UNDO ALL YOUR GOOD WORK! Miss that session but get back in the saddle ready to focus for your next session.

Find the best space to write

If you don’t have an office, create a little area where you can write. Perhaps you have a bureau or kitchen table where you like writing. If you can’t have a permanent writing space, create a writing kit in a bag that you can easily take with you wherever you are writing that day. Make sure you make your writing space somewhere you want to spend time. Have a candle you light when you start writing, create a writing playlist, maybe have a photo you love out to inspire you. Make sure you are using stationery you like if you are writing by hand, or that your screen is at the right height if you are working on a laptop/computer. Think about what chair you are sitting on because you may be sitting there for a while, you want to be comfy. Create a really appealing writing space, however permanent it may be, that way you will want to escape to your writing every chance you get!

Track your progress

Make a note of how many days you have managed to journal, or how many words you have written each day if you are writing a book. When you reach a milestone, perhaps 50 days journaling in a row or reaching 50000 words, celebrate your achievement. Perhaps you go to your favourite cafe for a coffee and a cake, or you buy yourself a book related candle for your writing space. Whatever it is that makes you happy. Acknowledging your achievements will help you stay enthusiastic and spur you on to keep going with your writing habit.

Most importantly, enjoy yourself!

If you don’t make your writing time something you look forward to you won’t keep it up. Your writing time should be something you treasure, creating a routine that works for you is so important because it will stop you from constantly fighting against your own intentions. If you create a routine that doesn’t suit your life, you will waste so much energy being frustrated because you aren’t finding time to write. Find the write routine and it will be effortless and enjoyable.

Get in touch and let me know when you write and what your routine looks like.

Find out more about writing routines:

I wrote the blog Daily Rituals to Change your Life a while ago, If you want to know why routine is important for our wellbeing this is a great starting point.

I love listening to the Writer’s Routine podcast, if you enjoy finding out about other writer’s habits, why not give it a listen?