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Does your lack of self belief hold you back?

by | May 21, 2018 | Mindfulness

Self belief

Self belief is something I have struggled with throughout my life.

I have never believed that I was as good as everyone else. Always felt that I had to prove myself more than others. Always needed a certificate to tell me I was capable of doing something new.  

It took my many years to realise that some skills can’t be taught and some skills we come pre-loaded with. No-one taught me how to be a teacher. yes I spent 4 years doing a degree so that I had the qualification I needed , but I was born with the ability to teach. Teaching is such an intrinsic part of who I am that I can’t not teach. When I spend time with children I can’t help guiding their experiences so that they learn something new. Even when I spend time with adults I love passing on knowledge I have gleaned from something I have read or heard that might be of interest.

I thought everyone could teach. I genuinely did. Then I went on some training courses when I started learning holistic therapies and realised that not everyone can teach!

I sat through a three day course where having been given a beautifully printed workbook the “teacher” hopped from page 52 to page 3 then page 87 and back to page 12, while writing in virtually illegible writing up the edges of a flip chart and talking in a monotonous voice.

At that point I had an epiphany!

Teaching is one of my superpowers.

This person was clearly making a good living delivering training and yet they were disorganised, there was no flow to the sessions and even as a sympathetic and interested student I was bored and knew I wasn’t taking as much information in as I wanted to. This person was teaching adults. In a classroom full of children or teenagers they would have been eaten alive.

For years I had allowed my inner voice to prevent me from taking chances, from putting myself out there and taking on new challenges because my inner critic would shout: “Who do you think you are? Do you really think you could do that? Other people can do that but you can’t” 

Since that day I have acknowledged that my ability to impart wisdom is a gift, and probably my most valuable skill. I allow myself to say out loud that I am a teacher and a good teacher, for years I saw this as a job description, but it is so much more than that.

I have also realised that it isn’t my only super power. I have loads!

Do I always radiate self belief? No.

Do I sometimes allow self doubt to flood my body and paralyse me? Occasionally, but not very often these days.

Am I making progress every day? Oh yes!

Every single day I try to make myself do something I think I can’t do. Whether it is digging the garden when I know I’m tired or saying yes to a business opportunity that scares me, I make myself do it and prove to myself that I can.

The Yes Woman!

Do you remember Danny Wallace’s project (and subsequent book and film) “The Yes Man”. “Wallace vowed to say yes to every offer, invitation, challenge, and chance” (credit: Amazon.co.uk). This one change totally transformed his life. I may not be in a position to say yes to every opportunity, I have my family to consider, but I decided a few years ago that I would say yes to every business offer that came my way and work out how to make it happen after. It has brought so many amazing opportunities into my life. 

Like so many things, self belief is something that only you can change. 

[bctt tweet=”You have to make a decision to change, to start believing in your own ability more, no-one can do it for you. ” username=”KateBeddowUK”]

It isn’t easy and there certainly isn’t a quick fix.

“Believe in your infinite potential. Your only limitations are those you set upon yourself.”

Roy T. Bennett

Author, The Light in the Heart

What can you do to improve your self belief?

Use your Superpowers

My superpowers are teaching, learning, caring and overcoming adversity. These are just the first few that popped into my head, I know now that I have many more. Sit and think about what your superpowers are, make a list of all your gifts. If you genuinely can’t think of any, ask someone you trust, they will tell you in a heartbeat. 

Use power poses

Power poses have been proven to make you act and feel more confident. Standing with your shoulders back and your head high automatically makes you feel more confident.

Use Visualisation

See yourself looking and feeling confident in your minds eye. Close your eyes, picture a situation that you find intimidating and see yourself looking happy, calm and confident. Keep using the same visualisation until you believe that it can be no other way.

Do one thing that scares you every day?

It doesn’t have to be something big. It might be that you don’t like using the phone and you make yourself ring the dentist. You might not like being in busy places and decide to go to a shopping centre. Perhaps you are scared of driving in unfamiliar areas, make yourself take a trip somewhere new. Whatever it is for you, just do something little every day. Flex your self confidence muscles.

Challenge your inner voice

We all have an inner critic who tells us we can’t do things, and makes us doubt our ability. However much that inner critic thinks it is helping us, it is often holding us back. Evolution taught us to be wary of situations that have caused us to be scared or anxious as a way of keeping us safe, most of the things we are scared of now are not physically dangerous though so we need to find ways to shut that inner voice up. The quickest way I have found is to question what the voice is saying; Is this true? Is it definitely true? How do I know? Can I prove it? Really challenge your inner voice and make it prove itself.

Read about others who have built their self belief

There is no better teacher than someone who has experienced what you are going through. The reason I teach relaxation and mindfulness is because I suffered from crippling anxiety in my late teens and early twenties then went on to suffer from depression when I started teaching. I don’t want anyone to go through what I went through without strategies and support. By learning about other people who have overcome the challenges you face it enables you to learn from them and also reminds you that it is possible. A quick search on Amazon will bring up lots of self belief books, choose one that looks appealing.

Be kind to yourself

It is so important not to beat yourself up for feeling self doubt because that isn’t helpful. Challenge yourself and reward yourself for taking baby steps in the right direction. If you don’t achieve your target, take a deep breath and decide to do it tomorrow. Make time to relax and look after yourself. If you aren’t getting enough rest you can’t function at the level you need to to make real progress. 

Final word

The most important thing to remember is that nothing is permanent. Nothing. You can change anything if you decide you want to. Making that choice is the hardest part, if you are reading this, you’ve already taken that step.

 

 

 

Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. This means that if you click the link and buy the product/service associated I will receive a small payment in return. The product/service will not cost you any more. I never recommend anything I have not experienced myself. I always appreciate any purchases made using my links as they enable me to continue writing and helping more people. Find out more in my Terms of Service.

Being Mindful in a Crisis

by | May 14, 2018 | Mindfulness

Mindful crisis

There are times when life really challenges us. When it asks us to use every drop of strength and courage we have to cope with a situation or crisis. 

Whether it is a short term upheaval like an accident or a long term challenge such as a bereavement, we have to gather all our tools, all our strength and find a way to get through.

If you are above school age, chances are life has challenged you at some point. It may have been the loss of a loved or beloved pet. It may have been a serious illness you had to battle against. Perhaps you lost your job and been worried about your financial future and security.

Whatever challenges life has thrown at you, you have survived. I know that because you are reading this.

Why am I mentioning this?

Well, this weekend my family had their coping strategies challenged and it was fascinating watching the range of responses to the situation.

 

To give you some background we were having a day out; my husband and children, my parents, my sister and her family and her in laws. Everyone was having a lovely time, enjoying the weather and each other’s company when something happened which changed the entire course of the day.

There was an accident involving one of the children. I feel able to talk about this now because they are ok, but I won’t go into details.

Everyone present loves that little bundle of joy so much, and we are all equally besotted with her.

The range of reactions was interesting though.

The parents jumped into action and doing what needed to be done along with one grandparent who was driving – the rest of us had walked. The remaining adults comforted the children and each other. There was a brief period of panic and, in some cases, hysteria and then there was nothing further we could do. 

Some of the adults, and older children, were clearly reliving the experience and trying to predict the outcome – impossible.

The youngest child, once recovered from the drama, carried on as normal, playing, chatting and eating ice lollies. 

The remaining adults, for a variety of reasons, just carried on until there was news and something to be done, practically to help.

This is the very essence of mindfulness.

Living in the moment. Reacting to what is happening, not what we imagine might happen. 

When life challenges us it is easy to get lost in a sea of “what ifs” and “if onlys” but it is only what we can do differently now that matters.

Even at the most desperate times we always have a choice about what we think and how we react.

We could have chosen to abandon the day out and sit panicking in a tea room somewhere but we chose to entertain the children and keep ourselves busy to pass the time until there was more news.

“Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor”

Thich Nhat Nanh

Author

Passing the time and focusing on what we could change was the only option we had. The children were already upset and distraction is a powerful tool for young minds.

It is important that when life presents us with obstacles and situations to deal with which feel like they might break us, that we take a deep breath and use that time to make some choices. We can choose to be a victim of circumstance or we can choose to be the captain of our own ship.

Even at the most challenging moments we can ask ourselves; what is the most beneficial thing I can do for myself right now? It may be to have a cup of sweet tea and a piece of cake (we did that on Saturday too!), sometimes that is enough to steady our nerves and give us the energy to carry on. It may be to create an action plan to get us out of the crisis we have found ourselves in. Or it may be to sit in self care; have a bath, go for a run, treat ourselves to whatever our soul needs right now.

[bctt tweet=”Life is precious and if we don’t live every minute as though we mean it, we’re wasting the most valuable commodity we have, time. ” username=”KateBeddowUK”]

When we take time to breath and really think about what the best course of action is, we can amaze ourselves with the resilience and strength we have within us. We all have it, we just have to find it and mindfulness is a great map to help us find it.

 

What do I mean by mindfulness?

Well, I have already said that in essence it is just being present but I appreciate that that is an abstract concept. Why not try this easy mindful breathing exercise next time you are under pressure.

 

Calming breath

Close your eyes and relax your shoulders.

Take a deep breath in through your nose and feel the breath entering your nose. Does it feel warm or cold? Did you feel your breath anywhere else as you took the breath in, maybe the back of your throat or your chest?

As you breathe out pay attention to your breath again.

This time as you breathe in imagine the air entering your body is a beautiful calming blue and it makes you feel so relaxed as it enters your body.

When you breathe out imagine that calming blue breath is removing any stress and tension from your body.

Repeat this 3-5 times or as many as you need to begin to feel more calm and relaxed. 

 

The Restorative Benefits of Nature

by | May 7, 2018 | Mindfulness

Healing nature

This is not what I was intending to write about today but after three days of glorious sunshine I couldn’t resist basking in the beauty of nature for just a little longer.

It was May Bank Holiday weekend here in the UK this weekend and miraculously the weather has been amazing! The sun has shone for three days straight. There hasn’t been a cloud in the sky, the birds have sung and the shops sold out of ice cream and barbecue food.

We have had my sister and her children staying for the weekend, escaping their building work and we have made the most of every minute of sunshine. We have spent time at the park, been for a walk and a picnic on Cannock Chase (a beautiful woodland), had another picnic and a walk at Stafford Castle and spent time in the garden. 

 The benefits of being out in nature 

I’m sure I don’t need to tell any of you how lovely it is to be outside in the sunshine. The healing properties of that big ball of gas in the sky are powerful indeed. My children and I were discussing the fact that just the smell of suncream puts us in a good mood because you know that if you need suncream then it’s a beautiful day.  There are so many smells of spring sunshine; blossom on the trees, fresh cut grass, barbecue smoke and washing on the line.

Then there are colours. The bright green of new foliage, the blue of the sky, the pink and white of blossom on the trees. The feel of the breeze on your skin, the sound of the birds in the trees, lawnmowers buzzing and of children playing. The senses are truly brought to life in this weather. 

The science bit…

It isn’t just the mindful, sensory experience of being in nature that is so beneficial though – although that is wonderful for our well being. There are sound medical and scientific reasons why being in nature is beneficial too.

When we visit the seaside the air is full of negative ions, which despite how it sounds is really beneficial in helping us feel more positive.

When we spend time in trees we feel happier, the air is cleaner because the trees are natures air purifiers, the green colour is even believed to make you live longer, trees are natural healers.  

When we go paddling the pebbles massage our feet and the water cools and washes them. Our feet feel instantly revived.

Just to add to the list of benefits, when we spend time outdoors we aren’t inside staring at a screen, we are usually walking or paddling or playing. 

You don’t really need me to tell you that being in nature is good for you though do you?

You only need to do it, to feel it, to remember it to know that its calming, magical powers can take away even the heaviest of burdens and make you feel calm and happy again. If you are fortunate enough for that time in nature to be with loved ones then the benefits are ten fold. 

“In every walk with nature one receives far more than he seeks”

John Muir

American Naturalist and Author

When was the last time you took time to be in nature? To sit and relax in the garden, to walk through the woods, to paddle in a stream or in the sea?

If you can’t remember, then it’s time to get out there again. Go for a walk during your lunch break, walk to the shop instead of driving. Take time to visit your favourite garden, woodland or seaside spot. Your body and your well being will be glad you did.

 

Are you achieving your potential?

by | Apr 29, 2018 | Mindfulness

Potential

Are you achieving your potential?

This is a question I ask myself all the time. We are being told all the time that life is short and we have to live every minute to the fullest. I know deep in my soul that that is important, really important. It was one of my most fundamental shifts after I was so ill. I felt deeply that I needed to live and be fully present every day.

I do… most of the time!

But I’m human. Sometimes I am tired and I have to allow myself to rest. Occasionally my family life takes over and I have to be there to care for my children and my work takes a back seat a little bit. At times I have to put self care first. When I have my 6 weekly injection it can really wipe me out for a day and there is little I can do about that.

Should I beat myself up at these times?

Absolutely not!

Is it frustrating at times? Yes!

Do I have to accept that that is life? Yes!

Would I be happy, healthy and walking my talk if I pushed through and chained myself to work every time something came up to derail me a little? Of course not!  

Could I stand up and talk about the importance of giving our children the love and support they need, and preach about how vital they are to the future, if I locked myself in my office every time my own children needed me? Well, I could try but it would be inauthentic and you would see through me in no time.

Would I be able to tell you how important self care is, and how crucial it is to look after yourself, if I didn’t stop and allow my body to rest when it is being challenged? You’re getting the idea aren’t you?

If I don’t listen to my own advice, then how can I give it?

Do I always rest when I’m tired? Honestly no, but do I make sure I rest as soon as I can? Yes I do. Because I have learned the hard way that if I don’t my body takes matters into its own hands and forces me to.

Does the fact that I am giving myself time out from my work mean that I am not achieving my potential? 

No! If I pushed through and worked 24/7 I would burn out really quickly and then I wouldn’t be any use to anyone.

Are there times when I could do more?

Yes there are. I work hard to create the best resources and provide the most helpful information possible, but I am phenomenally bad at shouting about it once I have finished creating. I am learning that it’s all very well working hard and creating brilliant resources, but if no-one ever knows they are there, then there is really no point.

It’s all well and good being knowledgeable, but if you can’t share that with other people it has no value at all.

So what am I going to do about it?

Well, I’ve already started. I am putting myself out there more. I am more active on social media, I’m writing for new audiences, I am responding to journalist requests, I even applied to be on a TV show! I know!

I truly believe that I have a lot to share with the world, and I am trying to be brave and tell everyone about the amazing work I do.

Is it easy? NO!

Not even a little bit! Would I be happier hiding in a cave writing and making beautiful resources?

Yes, most days!

But knowing that the people who need my work most will never see it or being able to benefit from it if I don’t tell someone and learn to step into my own power and achieve my own potential definitely drives me forward.

Every day when we wake up we have a decision to make about whether we make the day count or we allow it to wash over us. If you decide to read a book or go for a walk is that making the most of your day? Yes if it makes you happy and if you really benefit from it. If you sit watching TV all day? Well, if your body needs total rest then yes, in some circumstances that might be the best use of your time. If you are watching brain chewing gum and just distracting yourself from all the things you know you should be doing, then it really isn’t helping you to build the life you want to live is it?

“The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.” 

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Philosopher

So why am I sharing all this with you?

Well, partly because I think it’s important for you to know that I too am a work in progress. We all are, forever, so get used to it. But I also want you to stop and think about your own life. That’s what this is about. It doesn’t matter to you whether I achieve my potential.

[bctt tweet=”It makes no difference to anyone but you if you achieve your potential.” username=”KateBeddowUK”]

There was a study done many years ago where end of life carers were asked what they were most often told by patients on their death beds. It was always things they wish they had done, people they wanted to have had more time with.

According to the Independent the most common regret was:

“I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me”

Achieving our own potential, isn’t always about earning the most money, having the biggest house or the most expensive car, it may be knowing that you have really helped someone every day or that you were the best mum/dad/nurse/teacher/plumber you could be. Whatever you need to do to really feel that you have given it your all and you will have no regrets when it is your turn to lie in that bed and look back over your life.

Live in the moment. Be your best self every minute. Be aware of your impact in the world. Make sure you are changing the world for the better – not someone else’s idea of better, your idea of better.  

What are you waiting for? Take a deep cleansing breath and step out of your comfort zone and into you creative arena!

I can’t wait to see you shine!

The Power of Working from the Heart

by | Apr 20, 2018 | Mindfulness

Heart work

I am a teacher. 

If you know me that might sound like an obvious thing to say. I spent most of my childhood playing at being a teacher, 4 years training to be a teacher. After which I began working in as a teacher in many schools. But for a long time I couldn’t say it.

In my mind, calling myself a teacher had to mean that I was working in a school teaching classes from 9-3 and working crazy hours planning and marking. A combination of my early experiences of teaching in the inner city with an unsupportive Headteacher and my illness later on in life meant that I knew I couldn’t return to that life. My body wouldn’t allow me to and I didn’t feel like it was the right choice for me.

In my heart I still felt like a teacher though. I wanted to impart wisdom. I still felt drawn to teachers at social gatherings. I felt like I belonged every time I went into my children’s school. Going into schools felt safe and like coming home. 

By the time my daughter was at school and settled I had done all my training in holistic therapies and mindfulness. Every time I visited her school I wanted to offer to do some training or teach the children some relaxation techniques, but something held me back.

When I was teaching full time, only a few years before, it would never have been acceptable to teach the children anything so “new age”, so I suppose I hadn’t picked up on the changing attitudes.

I was delighted when I was chatting to her teacher one day and we were talking about what I was doing now, she knew I had been a teacher because we qualified the same year and had discussed it previously. I explained that I was teaching relaxation and mindfulness and, at that time, still doing treatments. She asked whether I could come in and lead an INSET session for the staff. I was delighted and jumped at the chance. That led to me going in and teaching a lesson the the Y6 class before their SATs and at that moment I realised that I could create the job of my dreams.

Teaching relaxation in schools.

I immediately started creating Calmer Classrooms as a concept. I formalised the lesson I had created for the Y6 class and added it to my website and created a few lesson plans which I offered for free on my blog. The one day I decided to just do it and make the switch from being a therapist who did some work in schools to focusing all my energy on Calmer Classrooms.

I created a downloadable ebook and set up a new newsletter list. Changed the name of my Facebook page and joined a few teacher Facebook groups. Knowing that many teachers get up early to plan on a weekend I woke at 6:30am and shared a link to my free ebook and resources in the biggest teaching group I could find.

I waited.

Would anyone even notice my post?

No-one replied. No-one liked it. I turned over in bed and decided to see what had happened in a little while.

I fell asleep.

When I woke up an hour later I checked the post. Still no-one had liked or commented but I decided to check my newsletter list.

I had 400+ subscribers!

I’d like to put this into perspective for anyone who doesn’t have a newsletter list. I know we hear about people with thousands, even millions of subscribers, but I had just spent 4+ years building my therapy and natural parenting list and I had 273 subscribers!

By the end of the weekend I had over 2000 subscribers. At one point I was literally watching the numbers roll round. It was like magic.

I knew there and then that I was doing the right thing.

Since then I have put all my energy into helping teachers. To say it is my passion would be an understatement. I love doing the other aspects of my work; giving talks, my work with Become the Force, writing etc but helping teachers and helping them to help our children is my raison d’être.

It is my everything.

It gives me so much joy to hear from teachers who have seen their class transform before their eyes from using my resources. Or hear how a class have breezed through their SATs using the breathing techniques I taught them. There is no greater joy than helping people achieve their potential, and staying calm and focused is the quickest way to ensure they do just that.

When you find your life’s purpose. When you really love what you do. When you genuinely care about the people you are working with, it isn’t work. I don’t work, I create and I nurture and I share. I was asked by someone yesterday what I want to achieve. It’s simple. I want to change the education system. I want to be seen by enough people to have the authority to change the current climate in education and really make a difference to teachers and children. Not just in this country but globally. 

“If you do what you love, it’s the best way to relax”

Christian Louboutin

Designer

Today I want to ask you, what do you want to achieve?

Who do you want to help? What can you do to ensure that you are working from your heart?

Christian Louboutin said: “When you do what you love, it’s the best way to relax” so find what you love, and do it every day. You will feel happier and more calm than ever before.

 

If you want to know more about my work in schools please go to www.calmerclassrooms.co.uk.

I don’t have time to be mindful…

by | Apr 12, 2018 | Mindfulness

Time to be Mindful

There is no doubt that we are living at a busy time. We dash from work to housework to activities to social gatherings with barely time to breathe.

Don’t we?

We have no choice.

Life is busy.

Working hours are no longer just 9-5, Monday-Friday, as they were when our parents were working. Now we work longer days, more days and between that and juggling family and trying to get enough steps on our Fitbit is killing us. 

Literally killing us.

When we live in our heads and don’t give ourselves time to stop and just be we are causing so much stress to our bodies and our brains. 

 

What can we do about it?

Mindfulness. (I know, isn’t it the solution to everything?) 

By being more mindful as we go about our busy lives we allow our brains to rest, our physiological stress reactions to calm, and we become happier and more present. 

I know what you are going to say. 

“But Kate, you have just agreed that we are all busy. How on earth am I supposed to find time to be mindful too”  

Well, it’s easy. You’re not! 

The beauty of mindfulness is that you don’t have to do anything more than you are already doing. You just have to do it a little differently.

Instead of thinking about the presentation you have at work tomorrow while you are doing the washing up, you think about the washing up. How does the water feel on your skin? Are your fingers going pruny yet? Aren’t our plates pretty? Oh look there’s a robin in the garden, how lovely. I can hear the birds singing.

Instead of dashing about doing the weeding and cutting the grass, thinking about whether the kids have tidied their rooms yet, you think about the weeding and cutting the grass. How does the grass smell? Is pushing the lawnmower making any of your muscles feel sore? How does the grass feel under your feet? Can you hear the neighbours dog barking? The soil is lovely and soft today. Look how beautiful those flowers are looking.  

Be present. 

Do one job at a time and put all your energy and attention into that job. I have compiled a little list of jobs I do mindfully, maybe you can too:

  • baking
  • cooking
  • cleaning
  • gardening
  • making a hot drink
  • brushing my teeth
  • decorating
  • knitting/crocheting
  • washing the car
  • jigsaws
  • colouring/painting
  • singing 

What would your list look like? Grab a pen and write it now. 

So now you have your list all you have to do is choose one thing and start doing that one thing mindfully. Try to choose something you do regularly, preferably every day. Maybe making a hot drink. Maybe washing up, brushing your teeth. Whatever it is, commit to doing that mindfully for a week, then add another habit and keep going until you don’t even notice all the activities you are doing mindfully.

“Life is a dance. Mindfulness is witnessing that dance.”

Amit Ray

Author

Becoming more mindful is a process. It isn’t something you just wake up one morning and decide. Like anything it takes time.

Apparently we have to do something for 21 days for it to become a habit. Of course that is a what research has decided, it may only take you 5 days, or it may take 45 days. I know that if I make something part of my morning routine I am much more likely to keep it up. Mornings are fairly consistent in my life at the moment so that is the easiest time to add in new habits. But whatever you decide, if you do it every day for 21 days you will keep doing it forever.

Whatever you choose, really work hard at being as present as you can. Really focus on what you are doing and all the senses associated with it. As you make your morning coffee watch the steam curl, smell the coffee, see the milk disperse in the mug, feel the heat as it approaches your lips. Really savour it.

Research shows that when we eat and drink more mindfully we lose weight because we notice when we are full and we don’t just keep mindlessly putting food in our mouths. The benefits to living more mindfully are pretty extensive but for me the most important benefit is the feeling of calm and the appreciation it gives me of the amazing things I am fortunate enough to have in my life. Whether it is really being present when my son gives me a hug in the morning, or being present as I scrub the tiles in the bathroom, I am grateful for all the blessings in my life.

Feeling calm and feeling thankful, are two of the most amazing feelings in the world.

If the traffic is busy, can I change it by getting frustrated and angry? Will I get there any quicker if I huff and puff and sigh?

No of course I won’t. If I stay calm and arrive a little late but safe and grateful that I wasn’t involved in the incident that caused the hold up, that is a blessing. Being present and reminding yourself that there is no need to react the way society has taught you that you ought to, leads to a happier and more contented life. When this situation arises, take a few deep breaths and be grateful you are safe.

If all you do is change how you react to these minor frustrations you will see such a change in your life.

How often does one thing happen early in the day which puts you in a bad mood for the rest of the day? Do you really think that everything is against you today? Is today really any better or worse than any other day? Of course not, but you have already told your brain to focus on the negatives because it is going to be “one of those days” because you spilt the milk when you made your morning coffee, or you couldn’t find your keys and left the house 5 minutes late. Focus on the positives, take a deep breath and reset. You might surprise yourself with the results.

The more you focus on being present, the more you will notice your reactions shifting away from knee jerk responses of anger and frustration and towards compassion and calm. You are training your brain to respond to what is really happening, not what you perceive to be happening.

 

If you feel that you would benefit from some guidance as you take your first few mindful steps why not sign up for my 8 week daily email course, “and breathe…”. It has helped so many people to be more mindful in only a few minutes a day and it teaches you to build your practice gradually.

You only get one life, live it!

by | Apr 2, 2018 | Mindfulness

Live

You only get one life.

We are told, all the time; “life isn’t a dress rehearsal”, “live every moment as though it was your last”…

Today is Easter Monday. We were supposed to be having a family trip to Oxford. Visiting the Ashmolean Museum, wandering round the beautiful streets of Oxford, stay over night and then tomorrow visit the Road Dahl Museum. We had it all planned.

Then our plans changed. Something came up, and to be honest the weather forecast was horrendous. Instead I woke up this morning. Fed the hens. Put some washing on. Cleaned the bathrooms. Did several other little jobs and then made a comforting lunch for the family.

This afternoon we decided to snuggle up and watch a film. 

The children have been wanting to watch Jumanji 2, so today seemed like the perfect day.

Out came the popcorn, crack went the Easter eggs and we sat under blankets watching the rain pouring down the window.

It was a great film. There aren’t many films that we all enjoy because we all have such different tastes, but this one was great. 

The thing that I took away from it though was the life tattoos that the characters had when they were in the computer game.

If you haven’t seen the film, when the characters are transported into the computer game they realise that they have three black bars tattooed on their inner arm. They soon realise that these are their lives in the computer game. When they regenerate a bar vanishes.

At one point the characters discuss this, and one points out that in the real world they all only have one life, so what difference does it make that they are down to their last life?

It got me thinking.

My theme for this year seems to be “you only live once, so just do it” or as my friend Emilio would say JFDI!

I am constantly being pushed out of my comfort zone and feeling the fear, but doing it anyway. Last week I went on a course with my lovely friends Taz and Asha; “Awesome PR and Social Media”. What a great day!

As always these two not only filled the day with fun and fabulous information, they also pushed us way out of our comfort zones – for the whole day.

We don’t get to see each other very often so we went for a cuppa and a chat after. Typically, their mentoring didn’t end at the end of the day. They continued to push me until the moment we said goodbye – including having me do a Facebook Live in the middle of McDonalds to overcome my fear of video! 

One of the things I promised myself after my tumour, and honestly, one of the most natural side effects of my illness, was that I decided to live for today. To be brave and face my fears.

But that was 10 years ago now and it’s amazing how those side effect begin to wear off, to dilute over time.

 

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”

Winston Churchill

So now, I’m working on it. Really working on it. 

I’m reading and learning. I’m flexing my comfort zone muscles. I am planning the live videos I will be doing. I have recorded a podcast which will be released very soon, and I am putting myself out there.

I’m terrified. I really am. But I’m more scared that I won’t do it. That I’ll be sitting one day with a long list of “should’ves” and “could’ves” and I’ll regret the chances I didn’t take and the brave, bold steps I never made. I have never had any real desire to have a tattoo, but the idea of having one black bar on my wrist to remind me that I only have one life, is very tempting. I will certainly internally carry that message with me.

So I’m going to take a deep breath. Write it in my planner and JFDI, because the thought of not doing it is much more terrifying than the thought of doing it. 

Are you being true to yourself?

by | Mar 26, 2018 | Mindfulness

Be you

Are you being true to yourself? What does that even mean? 

Well, being true to yourself, I believe, is living in alignment with your beliefs. Is that any clearer? Not really!

Living in a way that is true to yourself in a world where you are bombarded with images and ideas of what your life should be; how you should look, what you should wear and what your lifestyle should be is a challenge.

What does “living in alignment with your beliefs” even mean? It all sounds a bit like woo woo hogwash if we’re not careful doesn’t it? But however you describe it, living in a way that is true to you is the fastest way to happiness and contentment I know, so it’s pretty important. 

Living in a way that is true to yourself in a world where you are bombarded with images and ideas of what your life should be; how you should look, what you should wear and what your lifestyle should be is a challenge.

Are you being true to yourself? What does that even mean? 

Well, being true to yourself, I believe, is living in alignment with your beliefs. Is that any clearer? Not really!

What does “living in alignment with your beliefs” even mean? It all sounds a bit like woo woo hogwash if we’re not careful doesn’t it? But however you describe it, living in a way that is true to you is the fastest way to happiness and contentment I know, so it’s pretty important.

 

 

How do we go about it then?

Let’s take a look at what it looks like and how it feels when you are not being true to yourself. Unfortunately I see it every day.

Are you…

  • making decisions which go against your beliefs
  • buying things because “everyone else has one”
  • doing a job you hate
  • agreeing to do things that you don’t want to do
  • dressing in a way you think you should
  • and so on.

If you are doing these things, and if we’re honest we all do sometimes at least, how does it make you feel?

Often we do these things because we think it will make someone else happy. We agree to go somewhere or do something to help someone else out. We dress in a certain way because we think it pleases our Mum/hubby/friends.

If that is the reason we are doing it though we need to take a moment.

If someone needs you to behave or dress in a particular way to admire you, or be friends with you, then we need to take a moment and work out what their real intentions are.

As Bernard Baruch said, in a quote often attributed to Dr Seuss, “I never bother about that. Those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter.” If someone is going to think differently of you because of the clothes you wear, the car you drive, or the fact that you aren’t able to spend your weekend helping them move house then how much do they really value you? 

I am writing this as a work in progress. I am occasionally guilty of a couple of the items on the list above. Most often agreeing to help when I am busy/tired/have other things planned! However, there are conditions now. Once upon a time if anyone asked me to do anything, if I possibly could, I would. If it meant rearranging my plans, spending money I didn’t have, doing something I didn’t want to do… I just wanted to help. Nowadays I am a little more discerning.

“I never bother about that. Those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter.“

Bernard Baruch

American Financier

Now, it has to be something that:

  • won’t cause me any anxiety in the build up
  • it has to not cause me any physical issues
  • I have to know that if I asked you to do the same, you would be there for me.

 

I don’t think this is unreasonable.

If you fulfil these conditions you can pretty much ask me anything and I will move heaven and earth.

The difference is, I am doing it because I genuinely want to help you, not because I want you to think I’m a good person.

There have been times in my life when I dressed the way I thought I should, did things I felt I should, took jobs I thought I should and generally ignored everything that made me me.

Looking back it makes me sad. I deserve to be allowed to be me, without trying to please someone else. Without fulfilling someone else’s checklist of what I should be, do wear, have…

As soon as I stopped worrying about what other people thought, I was immediately happier. I started making all my decisions based around how it made me feel.

I listen to my heart, to my gut instinct and it feels great.

Instead of spending two weeks dreading something that I have agreed to do, I only do things I will enjoy, or that feel amazing because I am helping someone I really care about, and who cares about me. Instead of wearing shoes that hurt my feet and clothes that don’t make me feel confident because it feels like I’m wearing a costume, I wear clothes that reflect my personality and that I feel comfortable in. (I am currently trying to decide whether I can wear silver pumps under a long sequinned dress for my friends wedding – I know I can but will it make me feel the best I can?).

I show up every day as the best me I can be on that day.

Some days that means exhausted with no make up, jeans and a hoodie. Others it means bouncing into the room with my hair done, nails painted, smart trousers and a shirt.

I am human. I am imperfectly perfect but I am happy in the knowledge that people know who I am and what I believe in. And yes, there are still times when I talk to people I don’t really want to, that’s life. There are still days I have to get all dressed up for an event which demands a particular dress code and all I want to do is stay in my pjs, but I will adapt my outfit so that I am comfortable and confident. I might wear flat shoes where once I would have felt pressured to wear heels (ridiculous when I’m already nearly 6ft!).

I compromise but I don’t sacrifice myself in the process.

This is not an easy path, but it is one which is well worth trying. Take a few steps and see how it makes you feel.

Make a commitment to yourself that you will stop doing just one of the things you are doing which are inauthentic. Your stress levels will lower and you will immediately feel happier. 

 

You deserve to be living your life, not someone else’s!

 

The Importance of Caring for your Energetic Self – pt 2 Cleansing your energy

by | Mar 16, 2018 | Mindfulness

Energy care pt 2

Cleansing your energetic self

In my last blog I talked about the importance of caring for your energetic self and how to protect yourself from other people’s energy.

What if you have already gathered other people’s negative energy though, can you cleanse yourself of it?

Of course the answer is yes. Otherwise we would all be carrying round other people’s energetic baggage from our childhoods. But how can you begin cleansing your energy?

Well, there are several methods, but these are my favourite techniques.  

Having a cleansing bath

Having a bath or shower is a great way to cleanse your energetic self. Someone once told me when my children were very young that to calm children down when they were tired, angry or over excited “just add water”. Whether it is a bath, paddling in a stream or going swimming, being in or near water calms our nervous and energetic system.

A shower is better as it washes the energy away from you, however, there are magical things you can add to your bath to help it cleanse your energy more effectively.

Having a cleansing bath

Having a bath or shower is a great way to cleanse your energetic self. Someone once told me when my children were very young that to calm children down when they were tired, angry or over excited “just add water”. Whether it is a bath, paddling in a stream or going swimming, being in or near water calms our nervous and energetic system.

A shower is better as it washes the energy away from you, however, there are magical things you can add to your bath to help it cleanse your energy more effectively.

 

Adding sea salt to your bath makes it more cleansing. There is a reason we always feel revived when we have been to the seaside, the sea air and salt water are incredibly cleansing.

You can add a few drops of lavender essential oil, or whatever your favourite calming oil is, and this will make the bath even more calming.

 

You can also use energy healing to cleanse your aura.

Lie somewhere comfortable and close your eyes. I like to place my hands on my stomach but as long as you are comfortable.

Imagine that your body is filled with a beautiful light. It can be any colour you like but white, gold and silver work best for me.

Imagine that the light is filling your body and shining out of you and reaching out around your body cleaning and cleansing as it does.

Just relax and enjoy this feeling of love and safety.

 

Using crystals to cleanse 

You can also use crystals to cleanse your aura (aura is just another word for your energetic self). The crystals which have cleansing properties are obsidian, selenite, black tourmaline and smokey quartz.

You can wear these crystals, carry them in your pocket, hold them while you relax (or as you do the light body cleanse), however you feel you want to use them.

 

Cleansing breath

You can use your breath to cleanse your energy too.

Have you every noticed that when something difficult has happened or you have had an unpleasant encounter with someone you take a big deep breath?

When you breathe deep into your lungs and breathe out with a sigh you are releasing any negative energy from your body. You can add power to this by imagining as you breathe in you are breathing in cleansing, light filled air, and as you breathe out imagine you are releasing all your negativity and worries.

 

These are my favourite ways to cleanse your energy system.

If you combine the protection and the cleansing that you have learned you should be feeling great.

Many of us don’t realise that when we feel tired or frustrated it is often our subtle energy system that is out of balance. These simple tips could make a big difference.

 

The Importance of Caring for your Energetic Self

by | Mar 12, 2018 | Mindfulness

Energy care

Do you now how to care for your energy?

We are all aware of the importance of caring for our physical body; eating well, sleeping enough, exercising etc.

Most of us are increasingly aware of the importance of caring for our emotional self, but how may of us understand how to care for our energetic self. 

How many of us even know we have an energetic self?

As an energy healer I am more aware than most of the energetic level that we exist on. I have always been able to sense things that others seemed to be unaware of, but this became even more apparent when I completed my Reiki training in order to keep myself well after my brain surgery in 2007. At this point I really began to understand what it was I had been tuning into. 

 

Our human energy system is complex

We have energy which we take in as food and release as movement, breathing, etc, but we also have a more subtle energy system. This diagram gives you an incredibly simple version of our energy structure.

We have seven chakras, which run through the centre of our bodies and a complex, layered aura which is our external energy system. It is this energy which we detect with out even really being aware of it when we first meet someone and we instantly like or dislike them. It can tell us much more than that though.

It is our own energy system which detects when others are feeling tired/happy/angry/frustrated and also how we pick up on an atmosphere in a room or building.

Most of us use this incredibly complex energetic structure all day every day and we never even realise.

It would take much more than a quick blog to teach your about the workings of your energy system, and I couldn’t teach you all about it any way because there are so many intricacies that I don’t understand.

What I can do though is to teach you to look after it, using a couple of very simple techniques.

There are two very simple techniques which I use to keep my energy system healthy and clean, yes you have to keep it clean! 

The first thing I do is to protect my energy.

Why do I need to protect my energy?

Well, I am very sensitive to energy so if I pick up other people’s energy or they take too much of mine, it can affect me quite dramatically. The same is true for you, but you may not have realised that that is what is causing your symptoms.

[bctt tweet=”Have you ever spent time in someone’s company and come away feeling exhausted? They may have been draining your energy. Learning how to protect yourself will change your life.” username=”KateBeddowUK”]

Perhaps they were having a difficult time or had been ill? Chances are they were unknowingly draining your energy. Often with loved ones they don’t even have to take it, we give it freely. But it can leave us feeling tired.

What can we do to help protect our energy?

One thing we can do is to put on a suit of armour.

Let me talk you through it, this is a script I use with children:

We are going to put on a very special suit of armour. Your armour is going to protect you from energy. When someone is feeling sad, angry or tired they can make us feel sad, angry or tired if we spend time with them so it is important to put on our energy armour every morning so that we can feel happy all the time, no matter how everyone else is feeling.

Ok we are going to imagine that we are pulling on some very strong very thick trousers, as we pull them on imagine that they are going to keep all your happiness and love inside and not let anything sad or angry get to you. Once you have put on your trousers, pull on your boots and grab your top. As you put on your top imagine that this is protecting your heart and your stomach from all those sad feelings that you get sometimes. Pull on your gloves, and find your protective helmet. Once you have put on your helmet you are completely protected from other people’s feelings which might make you feel sad or upset. We’re going to just do the final preparation. Ok, close your eyes and think about how strong your armour is. Nothing can get through your armour. Anything that touches your armour is immediately turned into love and bounces back off the armour. If you feel sad or angry while you are wearing your magical suit of armour don’t worry, the sad feelings can get out. Negative feelings can only leave the armour, they can’t get in but happy, loving feelings can move through the armour in any direction and make everyone feel happy. You are now completely safe and ready for battle). 

It may seem silly at first but simply performing an energy protection ritual can make a huge difference. You don’t have to use armour, you can protect yourself in a bubble, a pyramid, even a jelly baby. We long as you set your intention that nothing negative can get out and your energy will be protected it will be.

You may read some people suggesting that you create a mirrored surface and bounce any negativity back to the person who sent it. Please don’t do that. I always set my intention that anything that isn’t able to get through my energy shield is turned into love and bounced back. There is enough negativity in the world.

“Energy cannot be created or destroyed, it can only be changed from one form to another.”

Albert Einstein

Genius

Now when you have to go to the supermarket or a shopping centre and you are surrounded by stressed parents shouting at their children and impatient adults whose only thought is what they need to get done, you won’t be affected by their negativity, it will just bounce off you instead of clinging to your energy system and making you feel tired or angry too.

In my next blog I will explain how easy it is to cleanse your energy system and teach you some simple energy healing techniques to help you strengthen your energy.