Mindful Being

by Kate Beddow | Jul 1, 2019 | Mindfulness

Mindful being for me is a daily state.

It is my nirvana, my end goal. When we are living totally mindfully we are present all the time and in complete control of all our emotions and senses.

In reaction it is far from a daily state for me at the moment.

My brain is currently being hijacked by hormones. My emotions are all over the place. One minute I am crying with joy, the next I am crying with fear and then every so often insecurity pops in for a cuppa.

I have been here several times before. When I was in my teens my hormones ruled the roost. I all alone battling the sea of adversity.

The reality of course was very different, and for the most part I was fully aware how lucky I was, but there were times when it felt that no-one understood what I was going through.

Then there was the time in my early thirties before my acromegaly was diagnosed when I was once again returned to a hormonal, eating sleeping bag of nerves. It was like going through a second puberty.

Hormones have a lot to answer for!

Many, in fact I think MOST, women have a complicated relationship with hormones. Mine has been particularly interesting though. It might sound like I’m complaining. I’m not. I’m actually very grateful (most of the time!) for the amazing insights that my illness have given me. It has made me much more compassionate towards my children when they have had hormone related challenges from potty training to puberty.

What it has done though is made this latest rollercoaster a little harder to ride.

You see because my condition is hormone based a lot of the symptoms I had when I was ill; fatigue, short temperedness, aching joints, headaches, night sweats, sugar cravings, weight gain, irregular periods… are also the most common symptoms of peri menopause.

I was managing to keep a lid on my fears really well until I had a migraine last week.

I have only ever had one migraine before and that was when I was pregnant with my daughter (before my diagnosis but I suspect around the time that my symptoms really started to be evident). Most of my family suffer from migraines so I knew what it was, and thankfully it wasn’t a bad one, but it did take me 3 days to shift the headache. Not helped by the niggling fear that all these symptoms were just too similar to my pituitary tumour returning. The tension in my shoulders and neck resulting from these fears was giving me a secondary headache and just adding to my worries.

Was I able to find a state of mindful being?

Yes, well, most of the time.

Honestly though my heart was starting to rule my head and I was getting more and more panic stricken until I had to turn round half way to taking my son to school because I had a strange sensation in my head and ears and it all just got too much. I broke down in tears and rang the doctor.

The doctor of course confirmed my peri menopausal symptoms and she completely understood my fears. She was very patient and looked back through my most recent MRI results and blood tests, which I have so regularly that she was able to set my mind at ease about my tumour. As always though she daren’t prescribe anything to ease any of my symptoms without checking with the doctor.

Now I am determined not to be ruled by my hormones any more than is necessary but as much as I would probably have wrestled her to the floor for HRT last week, I’m glad for this cooling off period to look at other alternatives. So I am reading Andrea Maclean’s book “Confessions of a Menopausal Woman” (which I highly recommend if you are in the same place as me!). I am going for an acupuncture session this morning, am looking into essential oils, magnets, diet… you name it!

I will rediscover my mindful being.

It is important to remember when we are being hijacked by our hormones that we can regain control.

We also mustn’t beat ourselves up for giving in to those very basic urges sometimes. We cry, we shout, we eat a whole packet of biscuits or drink a whole bottle of wine.

It is good?

Not really.

Do we feel proud of ourselves?

Not usually.

But sometimes it happens. Just by being aware that we feeling this way and acknowledging why puts us ahead of many people. Having the ability to stop, take a deep breath, acknowledge our thoughts and feelings and keep doing is a powerful and liberating thing.

So until I have ridden out this hormone storm I will continue to be imperfectly perfect. I will do everything in my power to keep in control of my moods and my behaviour. I will strive for mindful being as often as I am able, but I won’t beat myself up for crying in the supermarket or shouting at the laptop irrationally.

I will be me. All day, every day. I will be real. I will be kind hearted with an occasional temper and frequently leaky eyes. I will embrace my wobbly bits and not beat myself up for brain fog. Most importantly I will be happy in this transition. Few of my fellow acromegaly sufferers ever experience this because their treatment prevents it. Most patients don’t discover they have this illness until after they have been through this change. I feel privileged to be able to experience this next phase and am looking forward to life post menopause.

We must talk about this more though. I have learned more about this time of life in the last few months than I could ever have imagined. Only by talking about all these enormous challenges faces by women can we start to make life easier for those experiencing them. The world needs to be more accepting of this amazing metamorphosis. Yes it is a sign that we are ageing, but what a huge privilege that is, and I’m sorry but I’m not ready for the care home just yet (despite what my son thinks!), I’m not 43 yet!

Let’s celebrate this amazing transition and stop hiding away and trying to keep going through whatever adversity is thrown at us! We are women, we are incredibly strong but we are also best when we share our experiences and support each other.

Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. This means that if you click the link and buy the product/service associated I will receive a small payment in return. The product/service will not cost you any more. I never recommend anything I have not experienced myself. I always appreciate any purchases made using my links as they enable me to continue writing and helping more people.

This is me! – Out of my comfort zone

by Kate Beddow | May 20, 2019 | Mindfulness

If you have been reading my blog the last few months you will have heard all about my husband’s fabulous experiences working with The Real Full Monty team. This incredible group of people came together and have raised well over £30k for KMAC (a cancer charity).

If you have missed my previous posts about this life changing show you can read them here:

What could you achieve?

Life Changing Moments

Well, the show was so successful that the theatre have asked them to recreate it next year and have given them the theatre for three nights this time. Amazing!

I know what you’re thinking, “surely she isn’t going to write a blog just to tell us that they are doing a show that’s miles from where I live again next year?”.

No, no I’m not. There is much more to this post.

When I was younger I did a lot of performing; school productions, local amateur dramatic and youth theatre groups, choirs etc. I loved it.

I even sang at The Palladium when I was in my twenties (it was one night but definitely the pinnacle of my performing career!). Since I had my children, and my illness though I haven’t done any theatre work and have only sung at a couple of family events

Honestly, I’m scared to. I have wanted to look into joining an amateur dramatic group locally for years now. My daughter is doing Performing Arts GCSE and loves it too and I would love to do a show with her. Unfortunately one of the many side effects of my acromegaly is chronic fatigue and I am scared to commit to months of rehearsals and let everyone down because my body doesn’t let me do it.

She’s still waffling on, does she have a point?

Well, yes I do. You see I have agreed to be part of The Real Full Monty 2020. I will be dancing with the girls and overcoming so many fears I have lost count.

Will my body cope with rehearsals and dancing?

Can I overcome some lingering body confidence issues?

Can I stay sane while rehearsing and performing whilst supporting my children through Y6 SATs and GCSEs?

I know I need to do this, but it is going to push me so far out of my comfort zone I won’t even be able to see my little zone of happy anymore!

I feel very fortunate to be able to take part in something so inspirational. I will hopefully have the opportunity to share a little about my acromegaly journey and the lasting effects that that has had on my body confidence and my emotional wellbeing. I will be spending lots of lovely time with my gorgeous hubby, Ian, because he is going to be documenting it all again. This of course means that not only do I get to spend time with him, I have the security of knowing that he will be there if I have a wibble.

We are raising money for three incredible local charities, all of which are very close to my heart and some of my favourite people in the world are going to be dancing along side me. If ever the stars could align to tell me that this is something I need to do!

There will undoubtedly be times when I need to reach into my relaxation toolbox to calm my nerves. I will no doubt spend many hours talking to my loved ones about the process and the issues it is raising for me. I have also bought a journal to start documenting all my thoughts and feelings to help me process everything, and remember the journey.

I’m sure I will be giving you lots of updates as I take my tentative steps along this path, but I wanted to share how excited I am to be joining such an incredible team.

There is another reason that I am writing on this subject this week. The dance will more than likely be to the amazing song from The Greatest Showman, This is me. This song is so significant to me. I wrote quite extensively about it when I saw the film (read my article), it feels like my anthem now.

My sister and I are going to see the gorgeous Hugh Jackman (or Huge as he is known affectionately in our house!) on Monday. Imagine my excitement when it was announced last week that Keala Settle, the incredible lady who performed “This is me” in the film, is going to be joining him for his UK tour! I might actually get to see this life changing song performed live! Follow me on social media for pictures from the concert and lots of pictures of my sister and I looking over excited!

World Mental Health Day

by Kate Beddow | Oct 8, 2018 | Mindfulness

World Mental Health Day is celebrated on the 10th October every year and although it was founded in 1992 it has definitely been talked about more in the last few years than every before.

High profile people such as the royal princes and celebrities have really led the way and used their influence as a force for good on the subject of mental health. By discussing their own struggles with mental wellbeing and encouraging others to do the same they have removed a lot of the stigma that used to exist around mental health issues.

It isn’t long since illnesses such as anxiety and depression were kept behind closed doors and those struggling, then felt that not only had they got this huge issue to overcome but they felt unable to talk about it with anyone for fear of seeming weak.

The reality of course is very different.

Many people who struggle with mental ill health do so because they are incredibly mentally strong. They simply have so much to deal with, and do it with such grace, that no-one is aware that they are living an internal battle.

In my line of work I am very aware of changing attitudes to mental wellbeing and also see first hand all the statistics we all see on the news.

There are some worrying trends, that cannot be denied. Suicide and self harm rates are up for all age groups, from adolescents to adults, with particularly alarming trends towards self harm among teenage girls.

10% of children (age 5-16 years) have been diagnosed with a mental health disorder (source: https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/statistics/mental-health-statistics-children-and-young-people).

10%!

That’s at least three children in every class! And those are the children who have been diagnosed with issues which means it has been so severe that someone has referred them to a medical professional.

These are children.

What are we doing?

Don’t get me wrong, life isn’t always easy. But it shouldn’t be. I actually think that that is part of the problem. I have seen a shift over the last 20, even 30 years towards protecting children and young people from all pain and disappointment.

We don’t allow our children to be upset because they broke their favourite toy, we buy them a replacement.

Preventing them from doing things that we deem to be too dangerous, not allowing them to climb that tree at the park or learn to roller-skate in case they get hurt.

We give awards to everyone at sports day for trying instead of letting the child who is brilliant at running really shine that day and give the other children a small and very manageable dose of disappointment.

If we don’t learn these little lessons and develop that mental resilience, how on earth can we cope with failing our driving test, not passing an exam or being rejected in an interview process?

Learning to be more mentally strong is a challenge for everyone, with or without additional challenges. I am a huge advocate for learning strategies to strengthen our mental wellness before we need to use them. By having these tools and techniques ready in our toolbox we will use them quickly and easily when we really need them.

That is why most of my work is in schools. I am passionate about teaching children strategies to stay calm and happy while, for the most part, that that is their natural state. It is then something that they understand and is so natural and instinctive that they use their favourite breathing technique or they meditate, do some exercise, whatever works best for them, whenever they feel the mental malfunction monster knocking.

As a society we need to understand that it is through our challenges that we learn to grow. This must start in childhood. Protecting each other from pain isn’t doing us any favours.

I’m not saying that we need to intentionally hurt each other, that is very different, but some upset is character building. It strengthens our mental wellness.

“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.”

Khalil Gibran

Writer

My sister overcame a huge fear this weekend. She intentionally went to a Go Ape with her school friends and spent two hours high in the trees, walking on ropes and swinging down zip wires. She is terrified of heights, but she decided that it would do her good, as part of her “special” birthday celebrations, to face her fears and tackle this head on with supportive friends who she has known for many years.

I wouldn’t say she found it easy, she didn’t. But she did it! She laughed and smiled (I’ve seen the evidence!) and enjoyed spending time with her friends, but most of all she had that amazing sense of achievement that you can only get from achieving something you didn’t think possible. If she had sat at home worrying about it, she wouldn’t have had that amazing buzz.

How are you going to mark World Mental Health Day?

You don’t have to climb trees or jump out of a plane, but maybe you could visit someone you know doesn’t get out much? Perhaps ring your Mum or your Nan? Check in on that friend who is having a difficult time? Just be there for someone who needs to know that they are loved and supported. Maybe you will choose this day to start a new wellbeing routine; find a yoga class, make a self care promise to yourself.

Whatever you decide to do know that if you are struggling today, you are not alone and there are people out there who want to talk to you and help you.

I’m one of them.

By all means reach out to me and ask my advice or just tell me your story. I’m always here.

Happy World Mental Health Day, let’s make it a happy and healthy one, for everyone!

Being Mindful in a Crisis

by Kate Beddow | May 14, 2018 | Mindfulness

There are times when life really challenges us. When it asks us to use every drop of strength and courage we have to cope with a situation or crisis.

Whether it is a short term upheaval like an accident or a long term challenge such as a bereavement, we have to gather all our tools, all our strength and find a way to get through.

If you are above school age, chances are life has challenged you at some point. It may have been the loss of a loved or beloved pet. It may have been a serious illness you had to battle against. Perhaps you lost your job and been worried about your financial future and security.

Whatever challenges life has thrown at you, you have survived. I know that because you are reading this.

Why am I mentioning this?

Well, this weekend my family had their coping strategies challenged and it was fascinating watching the range of responses to the situation.

To give you some background we were having a day out; my husband and children, my parents, my sister and her family and her in laws. Everyone was having a lovely time, enjoying the weather and each other’s company when something happened which changed the entire course of the day.

There was an accident involving one of the children. I feel able to talk about this now because they are ok, but I won’t go into details.

Everyone present loves that little bundle of joy so much, and we are all equally besotted with her.

The range of reactions was interesting though.

The parents jumped into action and doing what needed to be done along with one grandparent who was driving – the rest of us had walked. The remaining adults comforted the children and each other. There was a brief period of panic and, in some cases, hysteria and then there was nothing further we could do.

Some of the adults, and older children, were clearly reliving the experience and trying to predict the outcome – impossible.

The youngest child, once recovered from the drama, carried on as normal, playing, chatting and eating ice lollies.

The remaining adults, for a variety of reasons, just carried on until there was news and something to be done, practically to help.

This is the very essence of mindfulness.

Living in the moment. Reacting to what is happening, not what we imagine might happen.

When life challenges us it is easy to get lost in a sea of “what ifs” and “if onlys” but it is only what we can do differently now that matters.

Even at the most desperate times we always have a choice about what we think and how we react.

We could have chosen to abandon the day out and sit panicking in a tea room somewhere but we chose to entertain the children and keep ourselves busy to pass the time until there was more news.

“Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor”

Thich Nhat Nanh

Author

Passing the time and focusing on what we could change was the only option we had. The children were already upset and distraction is a powerful tool for young minds.

It is important that when life presents us with obstacles and situations to deal with which feel like they might break us, that we take a deep breath and use that time to make some choices. We can choose to be a victim of circumstance or we can choose to be the captain of our own ship.

Even at the most challenging moments we can ask ourselves; what is the most beneficial thing I can do for myself right now? It may be to have a cup of sweet tea and a piece of cake (we did that on Saturday too!), sometimes that is enough to steady our nerves and give us the energy to carry on. It may be to create an action plan to get us out of the crisis we have found ourselves in. Or it may be to sit in self care; have a bath, go for a run, treat ourselves to whatever our soul needs right now.

[bctt tweet=”Life is precious and if we don’t live every minute as though we mean it, we’re wasting the most valuable commodity we have, time. ” username=”KateBeddowUK”]

When we take time to breath and really think about what the best course of action is, we can amaze ourselves with the resilience and strength we have within us. We all have it, we just have to find it and mindfulness is a great map to help us find it.

What do I mean by mindfulness?

Well, I have already said that in essence it is just being present but I appreciate that that is an abstract concept. Why not try this easy mindful breathing exercise next time you are under pressure.

Calming breath

Close your eyes and relax your shoulders.

Take a deep breath in through your nose and feel the breath entering your nose. Does it feel warm or cold? Did you feel your breath anywhere else as you took the breath in, maybe the back of your throat or your chest?

As you breathe out pay attention to your breath again.

This time as you breathe in imagine the air entering your body is a beautiful calming blue and it makes you feel so relaxed as it enters your body.

When you breathe out imagine that calming blue breath is removing any stress and tension from your body.

Repeat this 3-5 times or as many as you need to begin to feel more calm and relaxed.

I don’t have time to be mindful…

by Kate Beddow | Apr 12, 2018 | Mindfulness

There is no doubt that we are living at a busy time. We dash from work to housework to activities to social gatherings with barely time to breathe.

Don’t we?

We have no choice.

Life is busy.

Working hours are no longer just 9-5, Monday-Friday, as they were when our parents were working. Now we work longer days, more days and between that and juggling family and trying to get enough steps on our Fitbit is killing us.

Literally killing us.

When we live in our heads and don’t give ourselves time to stop and just be we are causing so much stress to our bodies and our brains.

What can we do about it?

Mindfulness. (I know, isn’t it the solution to everything?)

By being more mindful as we go about our busy lives we allow our brains to rest, our physiological stress reactions to calm, and we become happier and more present.

I know what you are going to say.

“But Kate, you have just agreed that we are all busy. How on earth am I supposed to find time to be mindful too”

Well, it’s easy. You’re not!

The beauty of mindfulness is that you don’t have to do anything more than you are already doing. You just have to do it a little differently.

Instead of thinking about the presentation you have at work tomorrow while you are doing the washing up, you think about the washing up. How does the water feel on your skin? Are your fingers going pruny yet? Aren’t our plates pretty? Oh look there’s a robin in the garden, how lovely. I can hear the birds singing.

Instead of dashing about doing the weeding and cutting the grass, thinking about whether the kids have tidied their rooms yet, you think about the weeding and cutting the grass. How does the grass smell? Is pushing the lawnmower making any of your muscles feel sore? How does the grass feel under your feet? Can you hear the neighbours dog barking? The soil is lovely and soft today. Look how beautiful those flowers are looking.

Be present.

Do one job at a time and put all your energy and attention into that job. I have compiled a little list of jobs I do mindfully, maybe you can too:

baking
cooking
cleaning
gardening
making a hot drink
brushing my teeth
decorating
knitting/crocheting
washing the car
jigsaws
colouring/painting
singing

What would your list look like? Grab a pen and write it now.

So now you have your list all you have to do is choose one thing and start doing that one thing mindfully. Try to choose something you do regularly, preferably every day. Maybe making a hot drink. Maybe washing up, brushing your teeth. Whatever it is, commit to doing that mindfully for a week, then add another habit and keep going until you don’t even notice all the activities you are doing mindfully.

“Life is a dance. Mindfulness is witnessing that dance.”

Amit Ray

Author

Becoming more mindful is a process. It isn’t something you just wake up one morning and decide. Like anything it takes time.

Apparently we have to do something for 21 days for it to become a habit. Of course that is a what research has decided, it may only take you 5 days, or it may take 45 days. I know that if I make something part of my morning routine I am much more likely to keep it up. Mornings are fairly consistent in my life at the moment so that is the easiest time to add in new habits. But whatever you decide, if you do it every day for 21 days you will keep doing it forever.

Whatever you choose, really work hard at being as present as you can. Really focus on what you are doing and all the senses associated with it. As you make your morning coffee watch the steam curl, smell the coffee, see the milk disperse in the mug, feel the heat as it approaches your lips. Really savour it.

Research shows that when we eat and drink more mindfully we lose weight because we notice when we are full and we don’t just keep mindlessly putting food in our mouths. The benefits to living more mindfully are pretty extensive but for me the most important benefit is the feeling of calm and the appreciation it gives me of the amazing things I am fortunate enough to have in my life. Whether it is really being present when my son gives me a hug in the morning, or being present as I scrub the tiles in the bathroom, I am grateful for all the blessings in my life.

Feeling calm and feeling thankful, are two of the most amazing feelings in the world.

If the traffic is busy, can I change it by getting frustrated and angry? Will I get there any quicker if I huff and puff and sigh?

No of course I won’t. If I stay calm and arrive a little late but safe and grateful that I wasn’t involved in the incident that caused the hold up, that is a blessing. Being present and reminding yourself that there is no need to react the way society has taught you that you ought to, leads to a happier and more contented life. When this situation arises, take a few deep breaths and be grateful you are safe.

If all you do is change how you react to these minor frustrations you will see such a change in your life.

How often does one thing happen early in the day which puts you in a bad mood for the rest of the day? Do you really think that everything is against you today? Is today really any better or worse than any other day? Of course not, but you have already told your brain to focus on the negatives because it is going to be “one of those days” because you spilt the milk when you made your morning coffee, or you couldn’t find your keys and left the house 5 minutes late. Focus on the positives, take a deep breath and reset. You might surprise yourself with the results.

The more you focus on being present, the more you will notice your reactions shifting away from knee jerk responses of anger and frustration and towards compassion and calm. You are training your brain to respond to what is really happening, not what you perceive to be happening.

If you feel that you would benefit from some guidance as you take your first few mindful steps why not sign up for my 8 week daily email course, “and breathe…”. It has helped so many people to be more mindful in only a few minutes a day and it teaches you to build your practice gradually.