The Importance of Self Care

by Kate Beddow | Mar 5, 2018 | Mindfulness

Self care.

We are told all the time how important it is to practice self care. People like me constantly remind people that if you don’t put your own oxygen mask on first you can’t care for others. Whether you are a parent, a child caring for your parents or working in a caring profession keeping yourself physically and emotionally well is so important.

What is self care?

Put simply, self care is making sure you prioritise your needs, at least some of the time. It is that little nudge to make sure you are feeding your own soul and not just looking after everyone around you.

With Mothering Sunday just round the corner here in the UK it seemed like the perfect time to give you a little reminder, whether you are a mother or not, that putting yourself first sometimes is ok. Better than ok. It is essential!

How can you practise self care?

There are probably as many ways to practise self care as there are people. We are all different and find joy, and contentment in different things. We can, however, create a list of general rules, which many people seem to find nourishing.

Here are a few ideas

Taking a bath
Reading a book
Going for a walk
Meeting friends for a coffee
Doing some exercise; running, dancing, golf, football…
Creating; painting, crafting, knitting, pottery, woodwork…
Cooking
Watching a film
the list goes on and on

You get the idea.

What you find relaxing and restorative might be another persons idea of hell.

That’s ok.

You might love getting a pedicure and your best friend hates people touching her feet.

You might find colouring calming but your sister finds it infuriating.

That’s not just ok, that’s the point!

If we all found the same things nourishing we would all do them every day and we would all feel permanently cared for and content. The reason we crave doing these activities is because we don’t get the opportunity to do it as often as we would like. Many people, particularly women, but this is not exclusively a female issue, feel guilty when they take time to do something for themselves.

I know I did.

Particularly after I had my daughter. I felt that I should be doing everything she needed and I should be there for her 24/7 otherwise I wasn’t being a “good mum”.

Fortunately, and I do mean fortunately, I was seriously ill when she was only two years old and I was forced to spend six weeks convalescing miles away from her. At that point I was forced to hand over her care to others, primarily my amazing husband, because my parents were now having to care for me again.

The thought was unbearable. But the reality was liberating. I realised that she was cared for perfectly well. She was dressed, fed and entertained just as well as she would have been in my care (considerably better at that time as I could hardly walk!) and from then on I realised just how important it was to make sure I was fit and well, so that I could enjoy many more years caring for her.

That didn’t mean that I had to do everything all the time though. I started asking people to step in and take over, I began taking little pockets of time to care for myself. It felt great.

“In the end, though, maybe we must all give up trying to pay back the people in this world who sustain our lives. In the end, maybe it’s wiser to surrender before the miraculous scope of human generosity and to just keep saying thank you, forever and sincerely, for as long as we have voices.”

Elizabeth Gilbert

Author, Eat Pray Love

Just after my convalescence a good friend bought me a copy of Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. It hadn’t long been out and she felt I should read it. I devoured it and it was a real life changing moment for me. That combined with my illness gave me the nudge I needed. I found the idea of someone just making a decision to leave everything behind and do what made her happy so inspiring. If you haven’t read it and you are struggling to make yourself a priority I recommend it.

So what will you do today to feed your soul?

How will your nurture yourself? Whatever you decide to do, feel no guilt. You deserve time out too. You deserve treats just as you know everyone around you does. You wouldn’t deprive your child or partner of something which brings them great happiness without good reason, so don’t deprive yourself.

Happy Mothers Day to all UK Mummies!

Happy International Women’s Day to all you inspirational women!

and Happy “you don’t need an excuse to treat yourself, you deserve it” Day to everyone!

It’s never too late to learn to be mindful…

by Kate Beddow | Feb 26, 2018 | Mindfulness

Mindfulness wasn’t necessary for previous generations. Life was naturally more mindful. If my Grandad Joe knew that I was teaching people how to breathe properly, how to pay attention to their thoughts, their body, and taste their food he would laugh and think the world had gone mad. I am fairly certain that he would have believed that if you needed to be taught such simple stuff there was no hope for you. (He was a pretty no nonsense Yorkshire man!).

I don’t think he would have been alone in his belief either. I think most people his generation would have found it very difficult to understand that we have drifted so far from nature and paying attention to our daily lives that we need to re-learn all these very basic things.

I have talked many times about the fact that it was Grandad Joe who introduced me to almost all the ideas that I then “learned” during my mindfulness training. So when did we lose this natural mindfulness?

As you know most of my work is teaching mindfulness to children and teachers in schools. I firmly believe that if we can teach children to be more aware of their bodies and their thoughts and emotions at a young age they will grow up using these skills and taking them for granted just as my grandparents generation did.

This week I am changing allegiance!

I am teaching mindfulness to a group of Over 55s and I can’t wait!

In my opinion this is the lost generation as far as mental health provision. My parents generation have been immersed in the capitalism of the 1980’s. They have been swept along with the technological revolution and were infected by the “got to be busy” mentality of the end of the last century. This is the generation who were taught that owning possessions was your most important achievement. The women were the first generation who were made to feel that they had to be a high achieving business woman and mother of the year simultaneously.

As a result, unfortunately, half of adults over the age of 55 in the UK have suffered from depression or anxiety. According to NHS figures that is 7.7 million adults who are living with these often debilitating conditions.

To add to this stress, many are now having to either work for longer than they had been led to believe. Those who have been able to retire are often caring for their grandchildren so that their children can afford to return to work, or caring for their own parents.

Not exactly the relaxing retirement they dreamed of during their working life.

Many people feel that it is harder to talk about their struggles. Whether this is because they were brought up to see them as a weakness, or they feel that they should adopt the stiff upper lip and just get on with it. Of course when my grandparents were growing up depression and anxiety weren’t recognised as medical conditions and it is this attitude which was passed to my parents generation.

So what is the answer?

Well, mindfulness is certainly one solution. Learning to reconnect with nature; taking long walks, gardening or just sitting in the garden listening to the birds (although perhaps not this week, it’s more than a little chilly this week in the UK!). Disconnecting from technology helps. Learning to meditate can be life changing and it has been shown to increase the production of growth hormone helping you look and feel younger.

“One in 4 older people (25 per cent) said they felt it was more difficult for older people to discuss mental health issues such as anxiety or depression, compared to younger people. ”

NHS statistics

So, today I will be going and introducing myself and mindfulness to the Over 55’s Club in Stafford and hopefully they will be interested and want to find out more.

We will be doing a couple of exercises and talking about how important it is to stay mindful. I will update this blog after my visit to let you know how we got on, but I know we will have a fun afternoon.

If you aren’t fortunate enough to be able to find a group or class to learn mindfulness but it is something you are interested in why not take my online class “and breathe…”?

The Importance of Taking Time Out

by Kate Beddow | Feb 14, 2018 | Mindfulness

This week is half term for my children and I try to take time out to spend as much time with them as they will allow. They are 9yrs and 13yrs now and we’ve gone from them pestering me to do things with them to me pestering them!

When I first started working for myself I made a promise that I wouldn’t work during the school holidays unless it was absolutely essential. As much of my work is in schools this is easier to stick to but I make an effort not to blog, write newsletters or even spend much time on social media, during the holidays (in case you are calling me a hypocrite right now, I am writing this ready to schedule before the children finish).

It isn’t always easy, and I’m not going to pretend that I never break my self imposed rule, but I try.

Are there times when I have to respond to a work email? Yes

Are there times when I get a burst of inspiration and have to strike while the iron is hot? Yes

But I try.

We take our family time very seriously. As much as the children are quite happy to occupy themselves these days, we all love days out and spending quality time together. We usually try to have at least one memorable day out during each school holiday and often have mini breaks if we can manage it.

We are fortunate to have a close family. For the last few years we have had a big crazy holiday in the summer with anything up to sixteen close family members all in a barn conversion or similar and we love it!

But you don’t have to spend time with anyone to have time out. Sometimes what we need the most is an hour in the bath or a quiet walk alone – even in the middle of our fabulous big family escapes we all take time to be alone. It’s important.

Why is it important to take time out?

Well, there are lots of reasons. Most people need their own space to recharge sometimes. Taking some time alone can be very healing. It gives us time to look after our own needs without having to consider others. That might sound selfish but most of us live our lives making sure everyone else is cared for and often at the expense of our own needs being fully met.

Stepping away from work is also really important. Allowing our minds to fully switch off from the projects and demands of the job helps us to return feeling refreshed and with renewed enthusiasm for the task in hand. As a solopreneur (gosh I hate that word, is there a better one?) when I take time out nothing happens within the business. I can schedule blog posts and newsletters, I can schedule social media posts, but nothing is created unless I am creating.

When I first started my business this terrified me, in every other job I had ever done there was an understudy. A colleague who would step in if I was ill or on holiday. Now it’s just me. Yes I have people who help me with aspects of my business, but no-one else is responsible for my business but me.

For a long time I didn’t dare step away for more than a day at a time in case everything crumbled around me. But over the years I’ve realised that if I don’t step away and take time out my business can’t flourish. I need time away for my brain to be empty enough for new ideas to flood in – and they always do! I may step away from the business for holidays now but I always return with a long list of notes and ideas to implement as soon as I am back to work.

Really make the most of your time out…

Taking time out doesn’t mean having a week off work to decorate the lounge, (although sometimes that might be necessary), it means really nurturing yourself. Caring for you. Indulging yourself.

I can’t tell you what this should include because we are all different.

You might want to go for a run or have a round of golf?

You might want a hot bath and a good book?

“Love yourself first, and everything else falls in line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.”

Lucille Ball

Maybe you love going to the theatre and never get chance to go or you have been meaning to tidy up the garden and that would make you really happy?

Perhaps you enjoy having a massage or getting your nails done?

As you can see these aren’t week long indulgences, they may take an hour, an afternoon or a day. Whatever you choose to do though, choose something that really makes you happy. You may want to be alone or you might be craving some quality time with your son/daughter, your mum/dad, your brother/sister or your best friend. The thing that might be most enjoyable for you might be having a cuppa and a catch up with a loved one and that is perfect.

It isn’t about what you are doing, it is about how it makes you feel.

When we reward ourselves our body releases dopamine and makes us feel happy. Our stress levels are instantly lowered and our body relaxes. If we don’t allow ourselves regular time out our stress levels can build over time and then we get frustrated and short tempered, our sleep is affected and we are not happy at all.

Taking time out isn’t selfish.

Quite the opposite. If we don’t care for ourselves we cannot care for others. We cannot do our best at whatever task we are undertaking. We owe it to ourselves and those around us to be the best version of ourselves we can be and without self care that won’t be possible.

How will you take time out today?

The Health Benefits of Listening to Music

by Kate Beddow | Feb 13, 2018 | Mindfulness

If you are someone who enjoys music you will take very little convincing that there are health benefits to both listening to and playing music.

I have always loved music.

One of my earliest memories is of dancing round the front room at home, singing to Super Trouper. One of my most treasured possessions when I was still in a pushchair was my Abba magazine.

My love of music grew as I did. I learned to play recorder and flute at school and I sang, all the time – ask my family!

I met my husband through music, he is a musician, and both our children are very musical.

Music is very important in our lives.

I think most of us would agree that music can dramatically affect your mood. Whether it is hearing your favourite song on the radio, hearing a song that reminds you of someone you miss, or the DJ putting on your favourite disco track at a party. The power of a good tune can take a grumpy day and make it bright or move you to tears thinking of a lost love. You can be instantly transported to a memory and immediately get goosebumps listening to a new track.

Over the years there has been so much research about the impact of music on the brain. Links between language and mathematical problem solving and musical ability have long been documented. It has also long been understood that learning a musical instrument strengthen parts of the brain, which are then permanently changed, whether you continue to play or not.

Dan, my little music lover, playing his ukulele

Listening to music releases dopamine, the feel good chemical, the same chemical which is released when we eat chocolate or we laugh. It makes us happy.

Studies have shown that people required less pain medication if they were listening to music and people who were able to choose what they listened to required the least pain relief.

Over recent years it has become increasingly popular for women to create a labour playlist. These vary dramatically but if they have chosen the tracks themselves, according to research they will have the greatest impact.

It has also often been documented that people with Alzheimers (most famously The Songaminute Man) can still remember all the words to songs they sang and become increasingly animated when listening to music.

People who have debilitating stutters can rap or sing without a problem and can often talk more easily when listening to music.

Music stimulates our emotions.

It not only triggers memories, but can help us remember information.

It can focus our attention (although we all have to turn it down as we get nearer to a new destination when driving!).

It can help create new neurological pathways and heal the brain when there has been damage.

“One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain.”

Bob Marley

Musician

Whether you are feeling tired or sad and need a pick me up, or you are feeling energised and need to relax, music may just be the answer.

The song that made you smile yesterday though, might not be what you want to listen to at all today, and that’s fine. Find something else to listen to.

As a family we recently subscribed to an online music provider and it has widened our choices infinitely. We are all enjoying being able to listen to new albums without having to commit to buying as well as revisiting old favourites and long lost treasures. At the same time we are also playing our old vinyl more than ever, and even adding to our vinyl collection. However, you choose to listen to music; MP3, mini disc, CD, tape, Vinyl, 8 track… enjoy it! That’s the most important thing.

If you have enjoyed reading this article why not take a look at some of my other recent blogs:

5 Ways being organised reduces your stress and anxiety

Starting your day with 5 mindful minutes

5 Ways being organised reduces stress and anxiety

by Kate Beddow | Feb 5, 2018 | Mindfulness

Being organised is one of my superpowers.

I don’t know whether it is just something you are born with or something you learn but my Mum is the same. As soon as we hear about an event, or realise we need to do something, the cogs start turning, the lists are started and invariably we have done so much before the actual event that we are left with a feeling that we must have forgotten something.

You may be nodding with a wry smile of understanding.

Equally you may be feeling a bubble of annoyance. If you are always a bit last minute, dashing round and arriving late or forgetting things, don’t worry. I have some easy ways to help you be more organised and reduce your stress and anxiety levels.

But first let’s look at the 5 ways being more organised can reduce your stress and anxiety levels.

How does being disorganised affect your life?

You arrive late
You forget important items
You lose things; keys, phone etc
You miss events altogether
You miss opportunities

All of this is absolutely fine, as long as it doesn’t bother you. When it becomes an issue is when it impacts on your happiness and your mental health because you find it stressful being late, you get anxious when you can’t find your keys…

I know lots of people who are totally disorganised. They are never on time, their desk is a mess. They regularly miss events all together and are constantly looking for something they have misplaced. But they are mostly very creative, very warm, friendly people and many of them just laugh it off and know it is part of who they are. That is great. I couldn’t do it but we’re all different.

If, however, you feel anxious about the result of your disorganisation that’s when you need to make some simple changes. Being organised doesn’t have to be difficult, in fact it is often much easier than you might think.

Here are my top tips to get organised:

Use a diary

I have a paper diary, a calendar on the wall and a calendar in my phone too. My phone is for quick reference and so I know where my husband is too. As soon as I arrange something it goes in my phone if it is personal and in my paper diary if it is work related, then once a week, at least, I transfer everything across and make sure it is all up to date. I make sure I include what the children are doing and where they need to be (because that often still involves me getting them there). This is particularly important in business. If you say you are going to email/call them make a note in your diary – and CHECK YOUR DIARY EVERY MORNING! It’s no good writing things in there if you’re not going to look at it!

Have a place to keep things and use it

I’m not even going to pretend that I am a naturally tidy person because someone would call me out. It turns out being organised and being tidy are two very different skills. I have learned over the years though that I have to have a home for things which are important because I hate not being able to find things easily.

So, my keys live in the same place, I put them there are soon as I come in the house. I also put them in the same pocket in my handbag for the same reason. The same is true for my phone, my purse, my card holder, my diary. I always put them in the same place, the same pocket of my bag etc so I know where they are, and I can always find them.

Do things as soon as you find out about them

I pay bills as soon as I get them. I deal with paperwork as soon as it arrives. I reply to emails as soon as I see them. I get projects finished as soon as I can. Leaving things until last minute is a sure fire way to either forget to do them, to lose something you need to do them, or else you remember at last minute and dash round panicking trying to get things done.

Make lists

If you are in any way disorganised, or, let’s be honest, even if you are mega organised, lists are your best friend! Don’t create lists on scraps of paper though, get a notebook and keep all your reminders together. I have lists for everything: shopping, places I want to visit, books I want to read, what I need to do today, what blogs I’m going to write…

I do sometimes write lists on the backs of envelopes etc, but that is when it is a short term list and very specific. So if we have people coming to stay I might create a list of things to remember to do: change beds, clean bathrooms, put the vac round, get the chicken out of the freezer etc. That I might do on a scrap of paper, but anything more important than that goes in my notebook.

Being organised doesn’t have to be time consuming, in fact it usually takes less time than being disorganised. It is though about structure, about priorities and about believing you are worth it.

Being disorganised is often a way we self sabotage and hold ourselves back. We can’t possibly do that because we’re not organised enough.

You deserve to have every opportunity and to make the most of every single day. So, put your keys away, write that get together in your diary and enjoy the calm that organisation brings to your life.

“Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it is not all mixed up.”

A.A. Milne

Author and Creator of Winnie the Pooh