Good mental health as a way of life

by Kate Beddow | Mar 18, 2022 | Uncategorised

Mental health crisis

I firmly believe we are heading for a mental health crisis. I know this isn’t my usual positive message, but it is a painful truth. The whole world has been living in a state of fight or flight for over two years now and all we are doing is kicking the can down the road. At some point it is going to catch up with us.

I have been in a state of crisis with my mental health. I have woken up in tears and felt unable to get out of bed. I have been so depressed I couldn’t sleep and felt numb all the time.

It is because of this experience that I then went out and found ways to stay mentally healthy. For me it was a string of circumstances that caused me to feel that way, so it was relatively easy to remove the culprits.

I made myself promises like:

I will never stay in a job that makes me feel like that again
I will never allow a man to treat me like that again
I will always speak to someone if I start to feel like that

It was a few more years before the penny dropped that I needed to do more than just walk away from stress in order to be mentally healthy.

At that point I started journaling again, I made a conscious effort to meditate every day, not just when I thought about it, and most importantly, for me, I realised that my diet had a huge impact on my mental health as well as my physical health.

It does make me a little sad though because when I look at my family, friends and clients, the ones who actively look after their mental health are all the ones who have been at this extreme point. Only then have they realised that they needed to do things to care for their mental wellbeing.

My ever growing toolkit

Of course over the years I have added countless other tools to my mental health toolkit; journal therapy, Reiki, crystals, tree spirit healing, mindfulness practices, breathing techniques… There are so many things we can do to support out mental wellbeing.

Do you know what still lifts me faster than anything else when I feel myself slipping though?

Singing.

I love music and putting on some uplifting music and having a good sing, even dancing round my office or kitchen, is guaranteed to lift my mood and energise me. No training needed.

Three easy things I do to support my mental health

Singing is actually scientifically proven to lift help with anxiety, I wrote about it a little while ago. When we sing we alter our breathing and it works as effectively as any breathing technique.

Another thing which instantly makes me feel better is sunshine. Unfortunately that is much harder to regulate but getting outside whatever the weather always helps.

The last, and most joyous thing which helps is seeing my loved ones. Whether it is a catch up with a good friend or a family outing. Seeing my loved ones and having a good chat and a hug is guaranteed to make me feel as though everything is going to be ok.

Top 5 things anyone can do to support their mental health

Get enough sleep – while we sleep our body processes stress so when we don’t get enough sleep we wake with yesterdays stress still in our system.
Eat well – our diet doesn’t just affect our physical health. Fatty foods, sugar, alcohol and caffeine can all have a big impact on our mental health.
Get enough exercise – exercise doesn’t just improve our physical health. Movement is one of the only ways our body can process all the chemicals we produce when we are stressed. Get moving!
Write – just grab a pen and a scrap of paper and write out exactly how you are feeling. You don’t have to show anyone, you can destroy it as soon as you have finished writing, but releasing those thoughts and emotions onto paper is incredibly healing. (If you want help with writing therapy get in touch, I am happy to support you with this.
Be more mindful – mindfulness isn’t something formal and scary. You can meditate while you wash up.

Incorporating things like mindfulness into your day might feel daunting. You may not know how to start, you may think you can’t do it, you may believe you don’t have time. Let me tell you, it’s easy, you can and you do. If you want to learn about how you can be more mindful every day, have a read of this blog I wrote a while back: Every Day Mindfulness.

Have I convinced you yet that you need to start thinking about your mental health as often as you do your physical health?

We need to start encouraging people to spot the warning signs of depression and anxiety in the same way we do strokes and heart attacks. There should be media campaigns and people going into schools teaching our children how to prevent mental health issues.

We don’t need a sticking plaster after we’ve fallen, we need to be taught how to walk the tightrope of mental health as proficiently as we possibly can in the hope that we never fall off.

Support for your mental health:

These are wonderful websites and apps which can support your mental health if you are struggling.

Change – exciting opportunity or terrifying necessity?

by Kate Beddow | Jan 11, 2022 | Uncategorised

Change word most associated with new year.

The turning of the year marks an opportunity to make a new start, in the same way a new week, or even a new notebook does. We like to have a fresh opportunity to make all those changes to our lives that we know we should be making:

I’ll start my diet in the new year.

Next year I’m going to learn to drive.

I’ll leave him next year.

Whatever the big change is that we need to make, there is a strange momentum that we believe comes with a new year. But does it really? Well, it gives us a starting point but how many changes that happen at this time of year are lasting changes?

We only need to look at the number of people who join the gym at this time of year only to go for a cuple of weeks then lose momentum and never go again to know that there is nothing magical about the new year.

What can help us make a lasting change?

If the new year, or Monday, or a new month can’t help us to stick to the changes we need to make, what can? Unfortunately there is only one thing… YOU!

I know, this isn’t what you wanted to hear, but if you want to make a change, you are the only person who can make sure it happens. If you want to eat more healthily, go to the gym, learn an instrument or stop smoking, ultimately, the only person who can make that happen is you.

After all, you are the person who makes the decisions about what you eat, where you go and what you do. So what three things are you going to change this year?

I have already made some big changes, and yes, after saying all that about the new year, I made the decision that I was going to make those changes at the start of the year, and some of them I already have, so that’s a good start.

Changes we implement

When we make a decision to change it is usually easier. There are times when we know we must make a decision and it is still a challenge, but generally changes happen when we make that mental first step.

I had to make the difficult decision to stop my subscription element of my Calmer Classrooms business this week. A series of events meant that it was the right thing to do, but it doesn’t make it any easier when you have dedicated over 7 years to growing a business which then, through no fault of your own, isn’t sustainable. However, while this might sound like a sad and difficult change, it really isn’t.

What next?

You see, for a while now I have been getting itchy feet. I worked as a teacher until I had my family, before that I was at school then university myself, and then for seven years I was back in education. I loved it. Knowing I was helping so many teachers and children with my resources and training was amazing, but it also took up all of my time and there were other things I was being drawn to do. I began doing courses alongside my work with schools. First step was to qualify as a life coach. I was a little resistant because there are so many coaches at the moment, but people kept telling me that I was born to do it, so I started doing the odd coaching session, and I loved it.

Then I qualified as a Journal Therapist. I have always loved writing as a way to process my emotions and situations so the idea of helping others using the same techniques, but with a deeper understanding really appealed to me. These combined with my mindfulness and meditation teacher qualifications and my Reiki Master attunement has become a pretty potent mix for helping people work through challenging times and work out what they really want from life.

Big changes can be scary and in a way they should be

Although there is a part of me that is sad to be leaving education after so many years, I am so excited about this new chapter that it is bearable. I have always loved a challenge and a fresh start and it feels like the right time. There are so many cross overs between coaching, therapy and teaching that I have always been a coach and therapist, just under a different title. It’s time to put all my years of experience into the perfect package and make a lasting impact on the world.

That doesn’t mean that I’m not a little bit terrified too. It wouldn’t be normal to be making such a big change and not feel a little apprehensive. Afterall, I have made a good living working with schools, not enough to retire, but enough. I had to choose whether to watch my business slowly die, or to make the decision to walk away and build something amazing to replace it.

In that situation I am always going to choose the option which gives me the most control, so walk away it is.

How can you cope better with change?

Accept what you can control.

All too often the changes that make us most uncomfortable and afraid are caused by someone else’s decisions. We have to accept that sometimes these decisions are signs that we aren’t supposed to spending as much time with them, or even that we shouldn’t have them in our lives at all. We can only control our rection to changes that occur, we can’t always change the decision.

Your life is your choices.

Your life isn’t pre-destined. It is a collection of choices and changes. By choosing whether to embrace the changes that occur or reject them you are writing your life story. Sometimes we have to make that big scary decision to embrace a change in order to create the life that we know we are meant to be living. Grab that opportunity with both hands and hold it close, if you run away who knows when it might present itself again.

Take control of the situation.

This may sound silly but if you make the decision to accept the change and convince yourself that it is something you want to happen, it suddenly becomes something you can cope with. This isn’t possible with every change, for example it wouldn’t work with grief, but even with illness, you can decide that it is a necessary rest and reminder of your own mortality. Appreciate the lesson in the situation and be grateful for the opportunities it presents. Harness the energy of the change rather than letting it control you. Make the most of what life has given you.

Burn your script.

Often our resistance to change comes from a belief that we are not living up to the life we always thought we would be living. We have created a story of what our life will be like, often from an early age, and any deviation feels like failure. It isn’t failure, it is just another choice, another path you can decide to take. Stop and really think about why you feel that your script it the right story. Often we are trying to live our life according to a very outdated idea of what we sould or shouldn’t be doing. Burn that script and enjoy living the life you have been given. Everything will feel so much better.

So, as you are huddled up under your blanket this January, take a moment to reflect on your relationship to change. Do you embrace it or does it fill you with dread? What can you do to make it more manageable?

If you would like to know more about my coaching and how it can help you to feel more empowered and calm, you can find out more here.

Find out more about change:

Jason Clarke – TEDx Perth – Embracing Change

Jennifer Jones – TEDx Nantwich – How adaptability will help you deal with change

Life is a Rollercoaster

by Kate Beddow | Jun 28, 2021 | Uncategorised

Do you sometimes feel as though you are on a rollercoaster and you can’t get off?

Life is so full of ups and downs that sometimes we feel dizzy. I know I have often wondered when I can get off the ride.

This is life.

Life is a glorious mix of good times and challenges. Without the challenges we don’t learn and without the good times we might just give up all together.

In the words of Ronan Keating: “Life is a rollercoaster, just gotta ride it!”.

Why is it though that the difficult times always seem to last so much longer than the good times?

Well, it is due to a simple evolutionary process which is designed to keep us safe but which can, if we don’t learn to control it, lead to the feeling that life is just one long pit that we are trying to climb out of.

Over many centuries our brains learned to remember the challenges and dangers we faced more vividly than the fun times. This is for the very sensible reason that very few people die or are seriously impacted by laughing or enjoying themselves. It is vital for our survival that we are able to remember when something causes us hurt, either physical or emotional though. Psychologists call this the negativity bias.

As a result we become more alert and take in every detail of the dips in the ride in an attempt to avoid that part of the ride if we see it ahead in the future.

If only it was that easy.

Of course any pain always makes us more present and more likely to be on high alert, when we are soaring high and enjoying life we just go with the flow and don’t pay anything like as much attention to the things happening around us.

We are pre-programmed to feel that it can’t last, when life is good, and that “life is always hard” when we are struggling.

I remember buying a new car a few years ago and within hours of buying it everything started going wrong. The two weeks it took to get everything sorted (the garage bought it back and I replaced it with a reliable alternative!) felt like the longest two weeks of my life. It’s the same when we are ill, time stands still. Yet when we are on holiday or having fun with our friends the time passes so quickly we wonder if it ever happened.

Apparently the majority of parents have feared that something bad will happen to their child, while watching them sleep peacefully in their bed. It’s the way most people are wired. Statistically though less than 9% of the things we worry about ever happen. I’d play those odds with almost any situation. So what can we do to allow ourselves some mental freedom and ease our feeling that we are riding a never ending emotional rollercoaster.

Is there anything we can do to help us appreciate the good times more and diminidh the darker days?

Mindfulness

Well, it won’t surprise you to hear that mindfulness is a great start.

Ensuring that you are fully present whatever you are doing will help you to remember the good times more and you will start to balance the scales a little. (Read Can being mindful ease anxiety? for more information)

Cut down your screen time

Spending less time on screens avoiding “real life” will also help. When we are going through difficult times we often reach for our devices and either get lost in social media or play games to distract our brains from what is going on. This may be an effective short term strategy, but if you’re not careful you then miss all the good things happening around you too. You have to participate in the whole of the rollercoaster ride to really be living your life.

Gratitude

Focusing on feeling thankful, whether it is by writing down the things you are grateful for, or saying them outloud, will begin to teach your brain to look out for all the good things in your life. This will, over time, shift your focus from the upsetting, or depressing aspects of life, and you will learn to pay more attention to all the joy and blessings. Make sure you work your gratitude into your daily routine.

Eat well

We know that our stomachs act as a second brain as far as mindset and mental health and what we eat really impacts our mood. If you are consuming lots of sugar, processed food, caffeine, and alcohol, you will find it harder to see the positives because you will feel tired, anxious and lacking in energy. When you feel this way it is much harder to find the joy in life. We comfort eat for the instant gratification but long term it just adds to the rollercoaster feelings and is really damaging to our wellbeing.

So, the next time you are going through some rollercoaster times in your life, stop and think about all the positives you can find. It may only be that you have a roof over your head and something to eat, but that is more than many people have.

Remember:

This too shall pass.

Find out more about our negativity bias:

Why we’re hardwired for negativity

How to overcome your brain’s fixation on bad things

Can being more mindful ease anxiety?

by Kate Beddow | Apr 26, 2021 | Uncategorised

Anxiety is an issue for so many people.

I have wrestled with anxiety on and off my whole life.

It is like the quiet house guest who you forget is living in your house until they become really demanding and spoil your day. Like many

Like many emotional states there are varying degrees of anxiety. For some people it is something which makes them feel sick and as though they don’t want to do something. Others though are completely crippled by its impact on their lives. Anxiety can make it impossible to leave the house, spend time with friends and even get a job. So can something as natural and ancient as mindfulness really help?

The short answer is yes, it really can.

The longer answer needs some science and some techniques, which will hopefully help you if you are struggling with anxiety.

Are you ready? Take a deep breath and let’s dive in!

Let’s get the science out of the way then we can move onto the more fun parts of this longer explanation. When you feel anxious there is a physical change in your body, your breathing becomes more shallow and your heart rate increases. This change is then detected by your brain which sends chemical responses round your body; sending more energy to your heart, lungs and muscles and redirects blood and function to those areas and away from your brain.

This is where things start to get difficult because at this point our ability to think logically and remember all the times we have survived this situation before vanishes. Our brain is incapable of rational thought, problem solving and even recall when we go into this fight, flight or freeze state.

In order to feel more calm and regain this mental function, we must breathe. Sounds simple doesn’t it? Unfortunately our state of mind is causing our breathing to be shallow and fast and unless we consciously change our breathing we will remain in this state and it may even escalate into a full panic attack.

Learning some mindful breathing techniques is a great way to quickly and easily calm yourself when you feel this way. Something as simple as 7:11 breathing (7:11 breathing is simply counting to 7 as you breathe in and 11 as you breathe out) or following a video like this one I created for my Calmer Classrooms programme, can help you to calm down really quickly. The advantage of many breathing techniques is that you can do them without anyone being aware that you are implementing a life changing strategy.

Prevention not cure

These techniques are great when you are already in the grips of an anxious episode, but the real magic of mindfulness is that it can help prevent you from reaching that point.

Mindfulness is the process of being present, being in the moment, being reflective. It helps us to appreciate what we have and doesn’t worry about what will be. It teaches us to focus on the task in hand and deal with what is coming when it arrives. Given that anxiety is effectively a fear of the future, of what might happen, just by shifting your focus to what is happening you are reducing your ability to feel anxious. Given that research has proven time and time again that as little as 9% of our worries actually come true, that means that up to 91% of our worries are actually worth worrying about.

Mindful journaling

Another mindful activity which can really help with anxiety is journaling. The process of writing everything down that pops into your head allows you to process the thoughts more easily and often see the reality of the spiral you have got yourself into. Just buy yourself a notebook and take time every day to just write until you have no more thoughts left. Don’t think about what you are writing, just whatever comes into your head – write it down.

This process also helps you to see how infrequently our fears become reality. The other really useful activity is a gratitude practice. Writing down every day all the things you are grateful for. This helps to train your brain to look at the positives in your life rather than the negative, worrying thoughts. Once you realise how fortunate you are, you have a roof over your head, clean water to drink and clothes to keep you warm, you will worry less about what might be, but in all likelihood, won’t ever happen.

Mindful movement…

Living mindfully is also about listening to your body. Mindfully moving when we need to, and we do need to. Particularly if you are an anxious person making sure you get enough exercise is vital. When we exercise our body can process all the stress chemicals our body releases when we worry, so just going for a walk if you start to feel anxious, will instantly calm you down. It doesn’t have to be strenuous movement, just movement. You can dance in your kitchen, take the dog for a walk or do a spin class, just move! In addition to the checmical impact movement will have on your anxiety, moving will change your state and allow your brain to start seeing the situation differently. You will begin to process the information you are working through in a more effective and calm way and you will feel so much better.

Get outside, take a big deep breath of fresh and and move that body!

If anxiety is an issue for you, or a loved one, start small. Implement small daily changes and begin to see how these little changes can have a huge impact on your reactions and how you deal with situation. You can get through this.

I have, and still do. One day at a time.

For lots more mindful ideas to fit into your daily routine check out my article: Every day mindfulness or why not download my free ebook: You’ve Got This for lots of easy to implement mindful ideas.

The Benefits of Singing

by Kate Beddow | Jan 6, 2020 | Mindfulness

Singing is good for you.

I know, it might sound ridiculous but when I read a study a few years ago that actually stated that singing can even prolong your life, I wasn’t even a little surprised.

I have been singing all my life. I could have written the Abba song “Thank you for the Music” I think I was singing before I could talk. I love it. As a child I sang all the time. As a teenager I sang to pop songs, I was in the choir at school and I was always in the school productions (which at our school were always musicals).

If I was happy I sang, if I was stressed I sang, feeling lonely, sing and I never get on a dance floor without singing along to whatever I’m dancing to. I’ve even been known to sing along to theatre shows!

Why is it so good for you?

Well, there are many biological factors at play. We know that one of the best ways to calm our nervous system is to control our breathing, this reduces the production of cortisol and calms us down. In order to sing we have to regulate our breathing, even slow it down. So it is physically very calming.

It is an incredibly mindful activity. It is very difficult to sing and be thinking about other things. We have to be completely present and concentrate on the words and tune we are singing.

Socially it lifts our spirits to sing with other people. It builds a sense of community and belonging. We even synchronise our heartbeats with others when we sing together. It builds our confidence. When we sing we release endorphins that help us feel positive and boosts our energy levels. The more we sing the more we want to sing.

Singing even boosts your immune system!

By calming our body through singing we strengthen our immunity and we are less likely to become ill. Not just that but it reduces pain.

By singing regularly you not only strengthen your lungs but also your heart health is improved. This is another reason I have always done a lot of singing because I am asthmatic and it really helps by breathing.

There has even been research done which proves that people who sing regularly have better balance and posture!

Are you starting to see how dramatically singing could change your life?

“In studies conducted with people suffering chronic pain, singing has been shown to alleviate the pain symptoms for not just immediately afterward but for up to 6 months later. The studies have also shown that singing could have a real impact on the amount of pain relief medication used by participants.”

Sing Up Foundation

Singing has been shown to be really beneficial for people with alzheimers. It improves your circulation, increases the amount of oxygen in your blood and improves your mental alertness, concentration and memory.

But I can’t sing!

Who cares? I know it’s easy for me to say. I’m not even going to pretend that I can’t sing, I have done a lot of singing in my life, and people seem to quite like listening to me for the most part. I feel very fortunate but I have had my own struggles though. My acromegaly means that my throat tissues can become enlarged and when I was really ill before my surgery I couldn’t sing and it made me really depressed. When I say I couldn’t sing, I don’t mean it wasn’t good, I mean it was physically difficult. But it isn’t about performing. It isn’t about being a singer. It is about singing for health and enjoyment. You don’t look beautiful and composed when you go to the gym or take part in sport, but you feel better afterwards and your body and mind are healthier. It’s time to start seeing singing the same way.

There are lots of opportunities to sing whether you believe you can sing or not. You don’t have to join a choir or singing group (although if you can I can highly recommend it!). Why not sing in the car when you are traveling alone? Sing in the shower, while you are cooking, put the radio on and sing while you are cleaning. I sing while I work in my office a lot (apart from when I’m writing because then I write what I’m singing instead of what I should be writing!). I also sing while I’m on my rowing machine. It passes the time and that way I am getting even more exercise.

If you don’t like listening to yourself sing turn the music right up. But I’m fairly certain that your singing is no where near as bad as you believe it is!

In summary

Singing is good for you because it:

calms you down

boosts your immune system

improves your memory

benefits your heart and lung health increases your confidence

can help with alzheimers

improves balance and posture

reduces pain

helps you to be more mindful

I’m even going to be brave and upload a song I have sang at weddings recently. I believe in walking my talk and if I am going to encourage you to sing, I should be brave enough to let you hear me sing. I would love to hear your singing and your stories about how singing has helped you.

A Thousand Years

by Kate Beddow