Do you follow your dreams?

by Kate Beddow | Sep 13, 2022 | Uncategorised

This week my daughter goes to university to start a Creative Writing course. I am filled with several emotions, but I have to admit one of the dominant emotions I am experiencing is envy. I am envious of the fact that she is fulfilling a life long ambition, that she has always known that this is where she would end up and she has made it happen.

You see when she was 4 years old she came home from school and announced she was going to be an “author”. They had been reading a book and the teacher had gone through all the keywords around books for her age group and she had discovered that an author is the person who writes the story. That was it. She was going to be an author. Never once has she deviated from this belief. Her first word was book (well, technically it was “ook” but she was pointing to the book that was just out of reach!) and it has been her one passion ever since.

During lockdown she wrote a Dr Who fan fiction which has to date been read by almost 50k people, all around the world. She has mentored other writers online and she is now going out into the world to hone her craft, and learn all about the publishing industry.

Any dream will do…

When I was younger I had many dreams; writing, singing and teaching. I was never as focused as my daughter. Despite this I have managed to fulfil all of them to one degree or another.

I initially went to college to do performing arts, after years of school productions and amateur dramatics. Then when I decided a career in singing wasn’t for me, I still kept it up as a hobby. My husband and I met through singing and did a few gigs together before we had children. I even sang at the London Palladium, which was an absolute dream come true.

When I decided not to pursue singing I qualified as a teacher and taught many different age ranges and subjects during my teaching career. Since I had my children I have been teaching, but out of the school system, and I now use writing both for things like creating articles and blogs to share information, and also as a therapeutic tool.

I count myself as incredibly lucky that I have had the opportunity to follow my dreams and choose the dream that fits that particular time in my life. I do wonder though, whether it would have made for an easier life if I had just had one passion to pursue.

No regrets?

I am grateful though that I was brave enough to follow my heart and do what made me happy at the time. By the time I left teaching, I wasn’t enjoying it any more. It wasn’t the teaching, but the system that was broken. I was glad I had ideas about other things I could do instead, things which would make me just as happy as teaching, other dreams to follow.

Many people I speak to have been stuck in jobs they hate since they left school, either because they don’t know what their dream is, or because they aren’t brave enough to take that step. It makes me sad to hear people talking about paths they could have taken but they weren’t brave enough. Dreams they could have followed.

I only have one regret when it comes to following my dreams and that is the fact that at the end the first year of my teaching degree, a friend of mine (who played Sunday league football with one of the band), told me that The Beautiful South were auditioning for a new female vocalist and he had got me an audition for that weekend. It was a dream come true, they were one of my favourite bands (still are) and although I will never know whether my voice was right for them, or even if it was good enough, I wish I had been brave enough to try.

I decided that I was enjoying my teacher training and that I didn’t want to throw away that first year. In reality I was scared. Scared that they would laugh at me. Scared of the huge changes it would mean to my life if I did get in. I wish I had been brave enough to find out though.

Is there something you have always dreamed of doing but you haven’t been brave enough to take that first step?

Remember the Mark Twain quote:

“We regret the things we don’t do more than the things we do.”

Here are my top 5 reasons why it is important to follow your dreams:

1. It will make you happy!

2. To prove them wrong. The naysayers, the voices in your head… whoever it is telling you you can’t do it!

3. You only live once.

4. They make life worth living.

5. To earn a living – you are more likely to do something well if you enjoy it.

What can you do today to move you closer to your dreams?

Find out more:

The Benefits of Singing

Taking a leap

How to follow your dreams

Your Journal; best friend and therapist

by Kate Beddow | Apr 27, 2022 | Uncategorised

Your journal can serve so many purposes. Do you know how to get the best from your journal time though?

There is much talk about journaling these days. There is no doubt that getting my first journal was a life changing moment for me, but what is all the fuss about? Surely it’s just a fancy name for a notebook or diary.

Well, firstly keeping a journal isn’t the same as keeping a diary. A diary is somewhere to record what you have been doing and a journal is so much more than that.

If you haven’t tried journaling, or you have tried it but not really managed to get into it, you might be wondering what the big deal is, but let me tell you, the possibilities are endless and the benefits, numerous.

What are the benefits of journaling?

Journaling has many benefits, both physical and mental. When you journal you access parts of your brain that most people don’t tap into when they are writing. You are able to discover things about yourself that you haven’t been consciously aware of before. You can work through issues, or problems, in a safe space, without judgment.

It is also proven that journaling boosts your immune system and helps you heal quicker from physical injuries. Mind blowing isn’t it? Just by writing for a few minutes every day you could be physically healthier.

Your best friend

When you take the time to sit and write in your journal you can really work through how you feel about a situation or plan without any judgment. It is like sitting chatting to your best friend. You may find that what you write isn’t always what you expected. You might see ideas appear on the page that you hadn’t considered and completely change your mind about something as you debate with yourself the benefits or pitfalls of a situation.

You might think that as it is only you writing and working through a challenge, that you will always write whatever you want to believe. When you are true to yourself though and practise journaling regularly, you will begin to see other options appearing on the page that you hadn’t previously considered. When we journal we can access our unconscious thoughts as well as our conscious mind.

The important thing is not to filter what you are writing. Write freely and without worrying about spelling, grammar or content. Just keep writing. If you run out of things to say keep writing something until you think of something else to say.

The cheapest therapy you will ever experience…

When you visit a therapist or counsellor, much of the time will be spent with you talking and them listening. This is exactly what you can do in your journal.

I’m not suggesting that solo journaling is a replacement for therapy, there is still a need for a good therapist at times, but for minor issues a journal is a good starting point. You may even work through a situation enough to get some resolution. Even for bigger issues which do require professional help journaling can be a good starting point for the healing process.

When you journal you are able to be more objective about a situation because you feel slightly detached from what you are writing about. It often feels as though you are writing a story about someone else. Provided you feel safe in the knowledge that no-one is going to read what you write without your permission, you can write freely and get any frustration and anger out in the open. You are able to go through all the possibilities in a safe, theoretical way. Often just the process of writing something down allows us to understand it better.

So the next time you feel as though you need to talk something through but you don’t know who to trust. Or perhaps you have a problem that you can’t find a satisfactory solution to, pick up a pen and paper and write it out until it clicks into place or at least starts to. You might be surprised by what you discover when you start to journal regularly. It has been a life changing habit for me. I journal almsot every day. It has helped me with personal challenges, health issues, and business decisions over the years. Give it a go, what have you got to lose?

If you feel that you would like support or guidance with your journal practice, why not join A little word told me…? This wonderfully supportive group is a great place to experiment with journaling and I am on hand to answer any questions and support you as well as providing prompts every week and giving you a dose of inspiration to help you keep writing. Wherever you are in the world you can benefit from this nurturing journaling membership. I would love you to join us.

Good mental health as a way of life

by Kate Beddow | Mar 18, 2022 | Uncategorised

Mental health crisis

I firmly believe we are heading for a mental health crisis. I know this isn’t my usual positive message, but it is a painful truth. The whole world has been living in a state of fight or flight for over two years now and all we are doing is kicking the can down the road. At some point it is going to catch up with us.

I have been in a state of crisis with my mental health. I have woken up in tears and felt unable to get out of bed. I have been so depressed I couldn’t sleep and felt numb all the time.

It is because of this experience that I then went out and found ways to stay mentally healthy. For me it was a string of circumstances that caused me to feel that way, so it was relatively easy to remove the culprits.

I made myself promises like:

I will never stay in a job that makes me feel like that again
I will never allow a man to treat me like that again
I will always speak to someone if I start to feel like that

It was a few more years before the penny dropped that I needed to do more than just walk away from stress in order to be mentally healthy.

At that point I started journaling again, I made a conscious effort to meditate every day, not just when I thought about it, and most importantly, for me, I realised that my diet had a huge impact on my mental health as well as my physical health.

It does make me a little sad though because when I look at my family, friends and clients, the ones who actively look after their mental health are all the ones who have been at this extreme point. Only then have they realised that they needed to do things to care for their mental wellbeing.

My ever growing toolkit

Of course over the years I have added countless other tools to my mental health toolkit; journal therapy, Reiki, crystals, tree spirit healing, mindfulness practices, breathing techniques… There are so many things we can do to support out mental wellbeing.

Do you know what still lifts me faster than anything else when I feel myself slipping though?

Singing.

I love music and putting on some uplifting music and having a good sing, even dancing round my office or kitchen, is guaranteed to lift my mood and energise me. No training needed.

Three easy things I do to support my mental health

Singing is actually scientifically proven to lift help with anxiety, I wrote about it a little while ago. When we sing we alter our breathing and it works as effectively as any breathing technique.

Another thing which instantly makes me feel better is sunshine. Unfortunately that is much harder to regulate but getting outside whatever the weather always helps.

The last, and most joyous thing which helps is seeing my loved ones. Whether it is a catch up with a good friend or a family outing. Seeing my loved ones and having a good chat and a hug is guaranteed to make me feel as though everything is going to be ok.

Top 5 things anyone can do to support their mental health

Get enough sleep – while we sleep our body processes stress so when we don’t get enough sleep we wake with yesterdays stress still in our system.
Eat well – our diet doesn’t just affect our physical health. Fatty foods, sugar, alcohol and caffeine can all have a big impact on our mental health.
Get enough exercise – exercise doesn’t just improve our physical health. Movement is one of the only ways our body can process all the chemicals we produce when we are stressed. Get moving!
Write – just grab a pen and a scrap of paper and write out exactly how you are feeling. You don’t have to show anyone, you can destroy it as soon as you have finished writing, but releasing those thoughts and emotions onto paper is incredibly healing. (If you want help with writing therapy get in touch, I am happy to support you with this.
Be more mindful – mindfulness isn’t something formal and scary. You can meditate while you wash up.

Incorporating things like mindfulness into your day might feel daunting. You may not know how to start, you may think you can’t do it, you may believe you don’t have time. Let me tell you, it’s easy, you can and you do. If you want to learn about how you can be more mindful every day, have a read of this blog I wrote a while back: Every Day Mindfulness.

Have I convinced you yet that you need to start thinking about your mental health as often as you do your physical health?

We need to start encouraging people to spot the warning signs of depression and anxiety in the same way we do strokes and heart attacks. There should be media campaigns and people going into schools teaching our children how to prevent mental health issues.

We don’t need a sticking plaster after we’ve fallen, we need to be taught how to walk the tightrope of mental health as proficiently as we possibly can in the hope that we never fall off.

Support for your mental health:

These are wonderful websites and apps which can support your mental health if you are struggling.

Change – exciting opportunity or terrifying necessity?

by Kate Beddow | Jan 11, 2022 | Uncategorised

Change word most associated with new year.

The turning of the year marks an opportunity to make a new start, in the same way a new week, or even a new notebook does. We like to have a fresh opportunity to make all those changes to our lives that we know we should be making:

I’ll start my diet in the new year.

Next year I’m going to learn to drive.

I’ll leave him next year.

Whatever the big change is that we need to make, there is a strange momentum that we believe comes with a new year. But does it really? Well, it gives us a starting point but how many changes that happen at this time of year are lasting changes?

We only need to look at the number of people who join the gym at this time of year only to go for a cuple of weeks then lose momentum and never go again to know that there is nothing magical about the new year.

What can help us make a lasting change?

If the new year, or Monday, or a new month can’t help us to stick to the changes we need to make, what can? Unfortunately there is only one thing… YOU!

I know, this isn’t what you wanted to hear, but if you want to make a change, you are the only person who can make sure it happens. If you want to eat more healthily, go to the gym, learn an instrument or stop smoking, ultimately, the only person who can make that happen is you.

After all, you are the person who makes the decisions about what you eat, where you go and what you do. So what three things are you going to change this year?

I have already made some big changes, and yes, after saying all that about the new year, I made the decision that I was going to make those changes at the start of the year, and some of them I already have, so that’s a good start.

Changes we implement

When we make a decision to change it is usually easier. There are times when we know we must make a decision and it is still a challenge, but generally changes happen when we make that mental first step.

I had to make the difficult decision to stop my subscription element of my Calmer Classrooms business this week. A series of events meant that it was the right thing to do, but it doesn’t make it any easier when you have dedicated over 7 years to growing a business which then, through no fault of your own, isn’t sustainable. However, while this might sound like a sad and difficult change, it really isn’t.

What next?

You see, for a while now I have been getting itchy feet. I worked as a teacher until I had my family, before that I was at school then university myself, and then for seven years I was back in education. I loved it. Knowing I was helping so many teachers and children with my resources and training was amazing, but it also took up all of my time and there were other things I was being drawn to do. I began doing courses alongside my work with schools. First step was to qualify as a life coach. I was a little resistant because there are so many coaches at the moment, but people kept telling me that I was born to do it, so I started doing the odd coaching session, and I loved it.

Then I qualified as a Journal Therapist. I have always loved writing as a way to process my emotions and situations so the idea of helping others using the same techniques, but with a deeper understanding really appealed to me. These combined with my mindfulness and meditation teacher qualifications and my Reiki Master attunement has become a pretty potent mix for helping people work through challenging times and work out what they really want from life.

Big changes can be scary and in a way they should be

Although there is a part of me that is sad to be leaving education after so many years, I am so excited about this new chapter that it is bearable. I have always loved a challenge and a fresh start and it feels like the right time. There are so many cross overs between coaching, therapy and teaching that I have always been a coach and therapist, just under a different title. It’s time to put all my years of experience into the perfect package and make a lasting impact on the world.

That doesn’t mean that I’m not a little bit terrified too. It wouldn’t be normal to be making such a big change and not feel a little apprehensive. Afterall, I have made a good living working with schools, not enough to retire, but enough. I had to choose whether to watch my business slowly die, or to make the decision to walk away and build something amazing to replace it.

In that situation I am always going to choose the option which gives me the most control, so walk away it is.

How can you cope better with change?

Accept what you can control.

All too often the changes that make us most uncomfortable and afraid are caused by someone else’s decisions. We have to accept that sometimes these decisions are signs that we aren’t supposed to spending as much time with them, or even that we shouldn’t have them in our lives at all. We can only control our rection to changes that occur, we can’t always change the decision.

Your life is your choices.

Your life isn’t pre-destined. It is a collection of choices and changes. By choosing whether to embrace the changes that occur or reject them you are writing your life story. Sometimes we have to make that big scary decision to embrace a change in order to create the life that we know we are meant to be living. Grab that opportunity with both hands and hold it close, if you run away who knows when it might present itself again.

Take control of the situation.

This may sound silly but if you make the decision to accept the change and convince yourself that it is something you want to happen, it suddenly becomes something you can cope with. This isn’t possible with every change, for example it wouldn’t work with grief, but even with illness, you can decide that it is a necessary rest and reminder of your own mortality. Appreciate the lesson in the situation and be grateful for the opportunities it presents. Harness the energy of the change rather than letting it control you. Make the most of what life has given you.

Burn your script.

Often our resistance to change comes from a belief that we are not living up to the life we always thought we would be living. We have created a story of what our life will be like, often from an early age, and any deviation feels like failure. It isn’t failure, it is just another choice, another path you can decide to take. Stop and really think about why you feel that your script it the right story. Often we are trying to live our life according to a very outdated idea of what we sould or shouldn’t be doing. Burn that script and enjoy living the life you have been given. Everything will feel so much better.

So, as you are huddled up under your blanket this January, take a moment to reflect on your relationship to change. Do you embrace it or does it fill you with dread? What can you do to make it more manageable?

If you would like to know more about my coaching and the many and how it can help you to feel more empowered and calm, you can find out more here.

Find out more about change:

Jason Clarke – TEDx Perth – Embracing Change

Jennifer Jones – TEDx Nantwich – How adaptability will help you deal with change

Daily Rituals to Change your Life

by Kate Beddow | May 24, 2021 | Uncategorised

Daily rituals have been a real game changer for me.

I’m not talking about complicated ceremonies, although if that brings you joy that’s great. I’m talking about having simple rituals that brings you pleasure, that help you to achieve your goals and most importantly that make you happy.

I have always had a morning routine. At some points in my life it has been as simple as: shower, dressed, empty the dishwasher, make the packed lunches, have breakfast and take the kids to school. But it always happened in the same order and at roughly the same time, that way nothing was forgotten, everyone knew what was happening and we were all on time.

Routine and ritual is so important to help children feel secure.

Unsurprisingly, routines and rituals also make us feel secure. We know what is supposed to happen and when and that helps us to feel in control and allows us to organise our lives.

This year my routine changed dramatically. In addition to all the changes due to the pandemic, my youngest started high school. For the first time in over 14 years I don’t have to do a school run in the morning and afternoon every day. As a result I have gained around an hour and a half a day.

New rituals

I decided immediately that this time was not going to be wasted, but it was time I had truly gained. So I promised myself that I would sit and enjoy breakfast every day instead of rushing to eat something between making packed lunches and dashing out of the door. More significantly though, I made the decision to up my exercise game.

For years I have been told that my joints were damaged and that combined with asthma and a lot of negative associations going right back to childhood, had resulted in a real dislike and almost fear of exercise.

Don’t get me wrong, I have always walked a lot and enjoyed dancing and have kept moving, but anything more structured than that was a no no.

So at the start of the year I bought myself a cross trainer/exercise bike and a dumbbell. Since then, five mornings a week, I get up, sort out the children then do at least 15km on the bike and do some weight training.

This probably sounds like a very small insignificant change to some of you reading, but let me tell you, it has transformed my life.I feel stronger, my body is toned, my joints don’t ache as much and I have so much more energy the rest of the day.

Small changes have a huge impact.

The best part is that I decided this year that I was going to start reading more for pleasure too. I have always read, but for years I have only read non-fiction books that could teach me things that would be helpful either for work or for my life. I have been reading so much more this year and I have totally rekindled that love of stories. Even better, I have discovered that if I do my cross training first in the morning, I can read while I cycle! I can exercise my brain and my body at the same time. What’s more I cycle for longer because I get into the story!

My daily ritual recommendations

These two small changes have improved my mental and physical health in ways I could never have predicted. These are just the new routines I have created in the last few months. By adding to our rituals slowly over time we can totally transform our lives. I highly recommend making one change, then once that has become embedded in your daily routine, add another, and another.

My top rituals for a happier, healthier day are as follows:-

Get moving. Whether it is taking the dog for a walk every morning, a morning yoga routine, going for a run… Whatever you enjoy doing, by getting moving first thing in the morning your whole day is energised. If you can’t manage a morning exercise routine find time later in the day.
Find a morning routine that suits you. This might seem like an obvious one for this article, but everyone has lots of little things that they have to do every morning. It might be putting the washing on, emptying the dishwasher, feeding the pets, packed lunches, walking the dog… Find an order for all these essential tasks and do them in the same order every morning. By creating a ritual around them you won’t forget to do anything and you don’t have to think about as many things when you wake up because it all just happens like clockwork.
Don’t hit that snooze button! Set your alarm for a time that works for your morning routine and when your alarm goes off have a good stretch and get moving.
Little and often is better than blitz and forget. I used to try to do the housework one day a week. I thought that by getting it all done it would be out of my mind then and I could focus on other things. Things like housework are better tackled in small bite-sized chunks though. That way they don’t feel as daunting and you can keep on top of them rather than blitzing and living in mess, then blitzing again. Now rather than blitzing the whole house, I water the plants on a Monday morning, I keep on top of the kitchen ever evening, I put the vacuum round whenever it looks like it needs doing and I fit the bathrooms in when I have a few minutes… It all gets done but it doesn’t feel like I am tied to it all the time.

Read and write every day. This one is so important for me. I love to write, even if it is just my gratitude journal. I find it incredibly therapeutic writing and getting my thoughts in order. Whether it is writing an article like this, or a plan for what I am going to create over the coming weeks. It is a wonderful way to settle your mind. Reading, is now one of my non-negotiables, along with my exercise, I love escaping into a book, even if it is only for ten or twenty minutes. I always have a book with me in case I arrive early or an appointment is running late. For me reading and writing are input and output and they are as essential as food. If you haven’t tried journalling as a way to improve your wellbeing, I can’t recommend it enough.

My final recommendation is taking time to do something just for you every day. Even if it is a simple as having a cuppa and watching half an hour of your favourite tv programme. Perhaps you love having a bath or you enjoy dancing around your kitchen. It doesn’t have to be time consuming or expensive, but it does have to fill your heart with joy.

Make sure your new rituals make you happy. If you don’t enjoy exercise, then commit to dancing for 20 minutes every day while you prepare the evening meal or park as far away from the supermarket as you can and walk a little further. Take the stairs instead of the lift. There are so many little changes that you can make that will have an impact on your physical and mental health.

Let me know what part of your daily routine is your favourite.

If you enjoyed this article you might enjoy:

Can being more mindful ease anxiety?

I don’t have time to be mindful

Strategies for creating a mindful morning routine