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Good mental health as a way of life

by | Mar 18, 2022 | Uncategorised

Mental health

Mental health crisis

I firmly believe we are heading for a mental health crisis. I know this isn’t my usual positive message, but it is a painful truth. The whole world has been living in a state of fight or flight for over two years now and all we are doing is kicking the can down the road. At some point it is going to catch up with us. 

I have been in a state of crisis with my mental health. I have woken up in tears and felt unable to get out of bed. I have been so depressed I couldn’t sleep and felt numb all the time. 

It is because of this experience that I then went out and found ways to stay mentally healthy. For me it was a string of circumstances that caused me to feel that way, so it was relatively easy to remove the culprits.

 

I made myself promises like:

  • I will never stay in a job that makes me feel like that again
  • I will never allow a man to treat me like that again
  • I will always speak to someone if I start to feel like that 

It was a few more years before the penny dropped that I needed to do more than just walk away from stress in order to be mentally healthy.

At that point I started journaling again, I made a conscious effort to meditate every day, not just when I thought about it, and most importantly, for me, I realised that my diet had a huge impact on my mental health as well as my physical health. 

It does make me a little sad though because when I look at my family, friends and clients, the ones who actively look after their mental health are all the ones who have been at this extreme point. Only then have they realised that they needed to do things to care for their mental wellbeing. 

 

My ever growing toolkit

Of course over the years I have added countless other tools to my mental health toolkit; journal therapy, Reiki, crystals, tree spirit healing, mindfulness practices, breathing techniques… There are so many things we can do to support out mental wellbeing.

Do you know what still lifts me faster than anything else when I feel myself slipping though? 

Singing. 

change

I love music and putting on some uplifting music and having a good sing, even dancing round my office or kitchen, is guaranteed to lift my mood and energise me. No training needed. 

 

Three easy things I do to support my mental health

Singing is actually scientifically proven to lift help with anxiety, I wrote about it a little while ago. When we sing we alter our breathing and it works as effectively as any breathing technique.

Another thing which instantly makes me feel better is sunshine. Unfortunately that is much harder to regulate but getting outside whatever the weather always helps. 

The last, and most joyous thing which helps is seeing my loved ones. Whether it is a catch up with a good friend or a family outing. Seeing my loved ones and having a good chat and a hug is guaranteed to make me feel as though everything is going to be ok.

 

Top 5 things anyone can do to support their mental health

Imperfect change

  1. Get enough sleep – while we sleep our body processes stress so when we don’t get enough sleep we wake with yesterdays stress still in our system.

  2. Eat well – our diet doesn’t just affect our physical health. Fatty foods, sugar, alcohol and caffeine can all have a big impact on our mental health.
  3. Get enough exercise – exercise doesn’t just improve our physical health. Movement is one of the only ways our body can process all the chemicals we produce when we are stressed. Get moving!
  4.  Write – just grab a pen and a scrap of paper and write out exactly how you are feeling. You don’t have to show anyone, you can destroy it as soon as you have finished writing, but releasing those thoughts and emotions onto paper is incredibly healing. (If you want help with writing therapy get in touch, I am happy to support you with this.
  5. Be more mindful – mindfulness isn’t something formal and scary. You can meditate while you wash up. 

Incorporating things like mindfulness into your day might feel daunting. You may not know how to start, you may think you can’t do it, you may believe you don’t have time. Let me tell you, it’s easy, you can and you do. If you want to learn about how you can be more mindful every day, have a read of this blog I wrote a while back: Every Day Mindfulness.

Have I convinced you yet that you need to start thinking about your mental health as often as you do your physical health? 

We need to start encouraging people to spot the warning signs of depression and anxiety in the same way we do strokes and heart attacks. There should be media campaigns and people going into schools teaching our children how  to prevent mental health issues.

We don’t need a sticking plaster after we’ve fallen, we need to be taught how to walk the tightrope of mental health as proficiently as we possibly can in the hope that we never fall off.

 

Support for your mental health:

These are wonderful websites and apps which can support your mental health if you are struggling.

Young Minds

Calmer Classrooms

Mind

Calm

NHS England

The Folk of the Faraway Tree

by | Feb 14, 2022 | Uncategorised

The Folk of the Faraway tree

The Folk of the Faraway Tree

Most people have a book that is synonymous with their childhood, I have many, but I think The Folk of the Faraway Tree is the book that probably had the biggest impact on my life. I was 7 years old when I was bought this copy of the book and, also, The Magic Faraway Tree. I have no idea who bought them for me, but I would hazard a guess that it would have been one of my aunties.

These beautiful little hardback books are the perfect size for little hands. They feel grown up enough to not be babyish, but they aren’t so big that they can’t easily be held to read. As a child I shared a room with my sister Jen and we had bunkbeds. My parents very cleverly had a tall, thin bookcase at the end of the beds with tip on reading lights so we could always read at bedtime. 

It was genius because we didn’t even have to get out of bed to choose another book. I would reach over from the top bunk and grab a Faraway Tree book and the snuggle down under the covers to read for as long as I thought I could get away with it. I remember many times quickly clicking the light off and tucking my book under the covers when I heard my parents on the stairs. They very cleverly turned both myself and my sister into readers by making it something that was both universally approved of and also had a cut off time, which of course made us want to keep reading even more!

These magical books were firm favourites with both myself and my sister. The fact that you could read one chapter and have a complete adventure made them easy to devour at bedtime and we would dip in a re-read favourite chapters and enjoy eating ‘pop biscuits’ with Silky and Moonface or visit a favourite land at the top of the tree.

I’m so glad my Mum kept most of my children’s books because there is something special about holding a book that you read almost 40 years ago and seeing the name you wrote in the front.

Faraway tree books

Controversy

Of course there is now a lot of controversy around the writings of Enid Blyton. Whilst she was a staple of my childhood, my generation, she has faded in popularity with more recent generations, partly due to her inclusion of characters such as Golliwogs (which were always portrayed as naughty) and also the view that her books are sexist, xenophobic and racist. This has lead to revisions in more recent editions which have seen Goblins replace the Golliwogs in Noddy.

Enid Blyton, it could be argued, was very much a product of her time but I feel it is important to separate the author from the work at times like this. She was such a prolific author that some of her books are bound to have ruffled a few feathers as she is very much of another time. 

As a child I loved her books and having started with Noddy, I moved onto the Faraway Tree and then onto the Famous Five and Secret Seven. Far from feeling sexist (although I can see aspects of that in some of her work), these were books aimed at children where the girls adventured with the boys. I wanted to be George. She was amazing. I was a real tomboy as a child and loved climbing trees and playing with bows and arrows and on my bike. I rarely played with girls because, apart from my sister, most of the children round my street were boys. I loved the adventures and taking a picnic off and exploring for the day. Blyton’s books showed me that that was ok. 

Kate

Empowering girls and developing imagination

Reading Enid Blyton’s books showed me that girls could go off exploring, there may have been some difference in the attitude between the girls and boys and the way they were treated by the adults in the books, but nothing like as much as there was in many of the other books. Her books also sparked my imagination and let my ideas run free. We would make believe wherever we were as children and there was no limit to the possibilities when we played in a woodland or on a beach, something many children struggle with now.

I’m not saying that I approve of everything that Enid Blyton wrote, and there are certainly aspects of her life which are questionable, but she is undoubtedly responsible for turning 7 year old me into the voracious reader I was. Many rainy days in our caravan were passed adventuring with the Famous Five and many nights were spent dreaming of adventures up the Faraway Tree. What we read when we first develop the ability to read with some fluency can make a big difference to how keen we are to read for the rest of our lives and her books captured my imagination and my heart and although I feel sure that something else would have triggered that love of reading had The Faraway Tree not come along, it was a compelling and magical start to my reading life. What books are responsible for starting your love of reading?

Find out more about Enid Blyton:

Was Enid Blyton racist?

Enid Blyton had racist views but I still read her

Read about other books that changed my life

 

Why are we banning books?

by | Feb 8, 2022 | Uncategorised

Banned books

Reading is so important so why are we banning books?

Reading and access to books are two of the biggest factors indicating a child’s likelihood to succeed at school and we know that when a child succeeds in school that can impact the rest of their lives, even if only in their confidence.

We know that children with access to books and who read have faired better during the lockdowns for example. It would, of course, be a mistake to think that adding a few books to every home would instantly improve educational standards, there are of course many other factors. There is no doubt that this has been a key indicator of a child’s success during the pandemic. Living in a home with books is important.

I can’t imagine a home without books, but then I have always been fortunate to have books. My favourite day of the school year was the day they came round with the book fair leaflet. I would run excitedly home to look through and choose my book, knowing that my parents would often have to say no treats we asked for, but book requests were always met with a firm yes. Sensibly no restrictions were ever put on what I chose, if I wanted something that might have been deemed to be frivolous or too young, as long as I read it, that was ok.

I was a voracious reader at primary school. I read every night with my little bedside light, everything from Secret Seven and The Magic Faraway Tree to the classics like The Hobbit and books about Robin Hood. I just loved books.

The joy drained from reading overnight

When I started high school things changed. Suddenly I was told what to read and worse still, when! I was made to read books I didn’t enjoy and the joy drained from reading over night. This is a familiar story I know. I have seen it so many times, including with my own children.

Fortunately as soon as I was past the age of being dictated to about what I read that joy returned like water through a broken dam. I began to read for fun and discovered philosophy and psychology books during sixth form and would sprinkle in Terry Pratchett books to lighten the mood. Reading opened so many doors to knew concepts, new ideas and times I can never live through.

Since then I have loved reading. There have been times when I haven’t read as much as I would choose because of circumstance or mental overload, but I have always read.

Banning books?

This week we are once again reading about banning books in schools in the US. Long lists of books that some people in particular states deem to be inappropriate and don’t want their children subjected to have begun to appear online. Anything that challenges gender or discusses race seems to be the target.

Anyone who has ever met, or been, a teenager knows that this technique is ludicrous. I have yet to meet a teenager who can’t find a way to access anything that adults ban them from whether that is cigarettes, alcohol, friends who are a bad influence, or books. I wonder then why these short sighted parents and adults haven’t realised that they are probably going to increase the number of teens reading these books significantly now they know there is something interesting in those banned pages.

Of course from my perspective this can only be an advantage. These misguided adults have effectively signposted all the most rebellious and controversial books of our time to ensure that our young people can find them more easily! Not just young adults either, I’m sure many adults will wonder what all the fuss is about and seek them out.

Be assured that this is precisely what will happen if these books are banned.

They can ban them in schools but they will still be available through bookshops, and second hand shops and probably even online. Our bright, liberal thinking young people will now read them to find out why people wanted to deprive them of this joy. In fact it will no doubt become one of the most rebellious and status giving things to do, and we all know how much teens love to rebel. 

So please, you narrow minded, ill-educated decision makers, please do keep signposting these books which will challenge the attitudes of certain elements of society. Keep showing our children which attitudes they need to obliterate when their generation are in charge, and that time will be here before we know it. The majority of Generation Z are already more accepting and open minded than any previous generations. I’m sure these banned books are just the tools they need to stretch that awareness even further and give them an understanding either of others they are sharing the world with, or historical events that we don’t want repeating under any circumstance.

Thank you book banners, you might have just found the one thing that will raise our young people’s eyes from their screens and get them reading. Long may it continue.

Find out more about banning books:

Guardian article

The list of 50 books they want to ban in Texas in 2022

The Power of Handwriting

by | Jan 25, 2022 | Uncategorised

The power of handwriting

Handwriting has become quite trendy again over recent years.

In the same way that people are returning to paper books after the novelty of the e-reader has worn off for many, there has been a huge resurgence in writing by hand.

You don’t have to scroll through Tiktok for very long before you come across someone doing beautiful calligraphy. Journaling has also grown in popularity. More and more people are returning to pen and paper for everything from communication to events diaries. 

Why are people returning to these old ways?

Well, I think there are many reasons.

We know that when times are hard we find comfort in old familiar things, whether it be foods, objects of habits. When we write by hand many of us are returned to our childhood and a simpler life. It rekindles that carefree creativity we often experienced in our youth, before life became more complicated and stressful.

There is a general trend towards reusing things and not being wasteful and books can last and be enjoyed for hundreds of years and enjoyed by many people.

We are all feeling a little screened out after years now of Zoom meetings and working from home so sitting to relax with a paper book or handwriting a letter to a friend with pen and paper feels more like relaxing and less like work.

More importantly though, I think, is the science behind handwriting.

The science behind handwriting…

As a journal therapist, there are some interesting things which happen when we write by hand. You see, when you sit down to write the left, logical side of your brain immediately starts to work out the exact requirements of the piece; spelling, grammar, construction, content… however, when you allow yourself to write freely, without setting any limitations on yourself you discover the true magic. 

After a while the right, creative side of your brain will subtely take over the writing process and what flows onto the page can be as much of a surprise to you as to anyone.

handwriting

Don’t believe me? Try it for yourself.

Pick up a pen or pencil and a piece of paper or a notebook and start writing. When you think you can’t write anymore and you have written all your need to write today push yourself to keep writing, just a few more sentences. Even if you have to repeat the words that you write until new ones replace them, keep writing. What happens next is truly incredible. You will reaslise that you are suddenly writing more and more and that you are writing things which you didn’t even realise were true until they spilled onto the page. 

Honestly, give it a go.

Kate writing

By using this technique you can work through things that have been upsetting you or find solutions to problems. You can understand better why someone has upset you or what is holding you back. 

With the right guidance writing can be an incredibly powerful therapy. It can help you heal and move on from traumatic experiences and help you realise your dreams.

If you are interested in learning more abut the power of writing, why not sign up to my newsletter for journal prompts, writing and wellbeing news and so much more.

Find out more about writing:

Writing for wellbeing video

Expressive Writing: Words that heal

 

Eat, pray, love

by | Jan 20, 2022 | Uncategorised

Eat pray love

Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert changed my life.

That might sound melodramatic but it’s true. My love for this book has grown over the years as I have learned to appreciate the true impact it had on me.

It is 15 years this year since I had my life changing pituitary surgery. In itself that changed my life, but after that surgery my lovely friend Lisa Williams invited us out LA to stay with her as part of my convalescence. We had been friends with Lisa for abut six years, since she lived in the midlands, she had been a huge part of our lives, but little did we know just how important she was going to be.

We went out to LA the Easter after my surgery and Lisa showed us all the sights and gave us the full Hollywood experience. 

 

Why is this relevant to Eat, Pray, Love, well, on the final day of this holiday Lisa took us to an amazing bookshop in Hollywood called The Bodhi Tree, which is sadly closed now, but it was the most magical shop. We spent hours there looking through crystals, books, journals, oracle cards, candles… our daughter thought it was a magical paradise. It was certainly the perfect place to spend the last of our holiday money!

When we left the shop, Lisa handed me a bag which contained a beautiful goddess journal and a copy of Eat, Pray, Love.

When I thanked her, she just replied that I needed them.

It was truly the most magical holidayYou can see in this photo that my features still hadn’t quite returned to normal, but I was feeling so much better I can’t tell you. 

Anyway, we boarded our flight home, and as our daughter watched the children’s programmes on the little tv, I opened my new book. I hadn’t read a book for pleasure since before Laura was born, it felt really indulgent.

KATE BEDDOW and Lisa Williams

After years of reading nothing but picture books to be sitting with a memoir in my hand felt wonderful, but as I started reading in the relative solitude of the plane I was transported into a life I couldn’t even imagine. Elizabeth Gilbert walked away from her marriage to go on the most self indulgent trip around the world I could imagine. Visiting Italy just for the food and language, going to India to visit an ashram and then back to Bali to visit a wise man who had once said she would return and spend time there.

It was so far from my life, it felt like a fairy tale. 

I had had a real awakening after my surgery five months before. I realised that even though I wasn’t able to do anything productive the world had kept spinning and my daughter was clean, clothed, fed and happy. This had given me permission to release a little of my control over life, but this book gave me another layer. 

Eat, Pray, Love, gave me permission not only to let other people do things that needed to be done, but to do things for me, just because I wanted to do them, because they made me happy. 

Study

It isn’t easy…

When you have been living for everyone else for years, it isn’t easy to just suddenly start doing things that make you happy. 

Some changes just happened. We finally fell pregnant so for a year or so my focus was on that enormous change to our little family. I did continue to read and started inhaling every self help book I could find in the search for greater meaning, and as soon as our son was born I started to make little shifts. I signed up to do online courses, started really thinking about what I wanted to do for a living not just choosing the easy options. 

I did a counselling course and completed all my Reiki training as a way to keep on top of my own health issues. I quickly realised the power in energy work to support others though and began doing treatments when I could fit them around the children. 

I was also using my goddess journal and started writing, not a daily account, but an emotional outpouring of how I was feeling every day and my dreams and aspirations. 

The combination of those two gifts was powerful and Lisa was right, I needed them.

I wonder if there is a book that springs to mind as you read this as having changed your life? I know there are several books that have had a profound impact on me, perhaps I will share some more of them in future articles, but for now, I would love to know the book that changed your life. 

Perhaps there was a book that made you a reader, or that spoke to you at just the right moment, like Eat, Pray, Love did for me. 

 

books

Did you enjoy this article? Why not take a look at these on a similar theme?

10 books that will change how you live your life

Are you still learning who you really are? 

Change – exciting opportunity or terrifying necessity?

by | Jan 11, 2022 | Uncategorised

Change

Change word most associated with new year.

The turning of the year marks an opportunity to make a new start, in the same way a new week, or even a new notebook does. We like to have a fresh opportunity to make all those changes to our lives that we know we should be making:

I’ll start my diet in the new year.

Next year I’m going to learn to drive.

I’ll leave him next year.

Whatever the big change is that we need to make, there is a strange momentum that we believe comes with a new year. But does it really? Well, it gives us a starting point but how many changes that happen at this time of year are lasting changes?

We only need to look at the number of people who join the gym at this time of year only to go for a cuple of weeks then lose momentum and never go again to know that there is nothing magical about the new year. 

 

What can help us make a lasting change? 

If the new year, or Monday, or a new month can’t help us to stick to the changes we need to make, what can? Unfortunately there is only one thing… YOU!

I know, this isn’t what you wanted to hear, but if you want to make a change, you are the only person who can make sure it happens. If you want to eat more healthily, go to the gym, learn an instrument or stop smoking, ultimately, the only person who can make that happen is you.

After all, you are the person who makes the decisions about what you eat, where you go and what you do. So what three things are you going to change this year? 

I have already made some big changes, and yes, after saying all that about the new year, I made the decision that I was going to make those changes at the start of the year, and some of them I already have, so that’s a good start.

Changes we implement

When we make a decision to change it is usually easier. There are times when we know we must make a decision and it is still a challenge, but generally changes happen when we make that mental first step. 

I had to make the difficult decision to stop my subscription element of my Calmer Classrooms business this week. A series of events meant that it was the right thing to do, but it doesn’t make it any easier when you have dedicated over 7 years to growing a business which then, through no fault of your own, isn’t sustainable. However, while this might sound like a sad and difficult change, it really isn’t.

Kate writing

What next?

You see, for a while now I have been getting itchy feet. I worked as a teacher until I had my family, before that I was at school then university myself, and then for seven years I was back in education. I loved it. Knowing I was helping so many teachers and children with my resources and training was amazing, but it also took up all of my time and there were other things I was being drawn to do. I began doing courses alongside my work with schools. First step was to qualify as a life coach. I was a little resistant because there are so many coaches at the moment, but people kept telling me that I was born to do it, so I started doing the odd coaching session, and I loved it.

Then I qualified as a Journal Therapist. I have always loved writing as a way to process my emotions and situations so the idea of helping others using the same techniques, but with a deeper understanding really appealed to me. These combined with my mindfulness and meditation teacher qualifications and my Reiki Master attunement has become a pretty potent mix for helping people work through challenging times and work out what they really want from life. 

Big changes can be scary and in a way they should be

Although there is a part of me that is sad to be leaving education after so many years, I am so excited about this new chapter that it is bearable. I have always loved a challenge and a fresh start and it feels like the right time. There are so many cross overs between coaching, therapy and teaching that I have always been a coach and therapist, just under a different title. It’s time to put all my years of experience into the perfect package and make a lasting impact on the world.

Imperfect change

That doesn’t mean that I’m not a little bit terrified too. It wouldn’t be normal to be making such a big change and not feel a little apprehensive. Afterall, I have made a good living working with schools, not enough to retire, but enough. I had to choose whether to watch my business slowly die, or to make the decision to walk away and build something amazing to replace it. 

In that situation I am always going to choose the option which gives me the most control, so walk away it is.

How can you cope better with change?

Accept what you can control. 

All too often the changes that make us most uncomfortable and afraid are caused by someone else’s decisions. We have to accept that sometimes these decisions are signs that we aren’t supposed to spending as much time with them, or even that we shouldn’t have them in our lives at all. We can only control our rection to changes that occur, we can’t always change the decision.

Your life is your choices. 

Your life isn’t pre-destined. It is a collection of choices and changes. By choosing whether to embrace the changes that occur or reject them you are writing your life story. Sometimes we have to make that big scary decision to embrace a change in order to create the life that we know we are meant to be living. Grab that opportunity with both hands and hold it close, if you run away who knows when it might present itself again.

Take control of the situation.

This may sound silly but if you make the decision to accept the change and convince yourself that it is something you want to happen, it suddenly becomes something you can cope with. This isn’t possible with every change, for example it wouldn’t work with grief, but even with illness, you can decide that it is a necessary rest and reminder of your own mortality. Appreciate the lesson in the situation and be grateful for the opportunities it presents. Harness the energy of the change rather than letting it control you. Make the most of what life has given you.

Burn your script. 

Often our resistance to change comes from a belief that we are not living up to the life we always thought we would be living. We have created a story of what our life will be like, often from an early age, and any deviation feels like failure. It isn’t failure, it is just another choice, another path you can decide to take. Stop and really think about why you feel that your script it the right story. Often we are trying to live our life according to a very outdated idea of what we sould or shouldn’t be doing. Burn that script and enjoy living the life you have been given. Everything will feel so much better.

So, as you are huddled up under your blanket this January, take a moment to reflect on your relationship to change. Do you embrace it or does it fill you with dread? What can you do to make it more manageable?

If you would like to know more about my coaching  and the many and how it can help you to feel more empowered and calm, you can find out more here.

Change

Find out more about change:

Jason Clarke – TEDx Perth – Embracing Change

Jennifer Jones – TEDx Nantwich – How adaptability will help you deal with change

Living with Uncertainty

by | Dec 13, 2021 | Uncategorised

Living with uncertainty

Uncertainty is one of the biggest causes of anxiety. When we don’t know what to expect our body goes into high alert in order to protect us from the unknown, and it triggers our fight, flight or freeze response. This is designed to keep us safe, unfortunately, it also triggers a series of biological reactions which is not necessary or used effectively can cause stress levels to rise. 

We all know that this is true, we have been experiencing it all our lives. We are used to having a day when we feel a little anxious because we have an exam, an interview or even a date. What happens though when we are living in a prologued period of uncertainty, like a pandemic, just to pluck an exaple from the air! Of course it might not be the pandemic that has you feeling like this, it could be during 6th form worrying about your exams or during a work placement. Perhaps you are working somewhere and there is a uncertainty because the industry is in trouble and your job might be at risk. Stress levels are high at times.

You may think that feeling a little stressed is normal, there’s no harm in a little stress to keep you on your toes. Well, stress can be incredibly harmful. Short period of stress are normal, our body can process all the chemicals our body releases when it is just a shaort term reaction. When we are living with stress all the time though, those reactions can cause high blood pressure, heart problems, even strokes. You may have noticed you aren’t sleeping well and feel tired all the time… that is caused by raised stress levels too.

Recognising that we are living in this state is the first step to managing our emotions and reactions and to calming the physical response your body has.

What can we do to help us stay calm?

There are lots  of strategies you can use to help you when you are living with uncertainty.

Here are my favourites: 

Grab a pen

It won’t surprise you that one of my favourite things to do when I am in a prolonged period of uncertainty is to journal. I grab a notebook and write about how I am feeling. I focus on the issue that is causing the uncertainty and see if there is anything I can do to rationalise the situation. Is there anything I can do to take control? Anything I can prepare for? If there is then I make a note of what to do next. I also use my journal to work through my emotions surrounding it. Is how I am feeling rational or have I been reminded of another time when things went wrong and that is why I am feeling like this. If so, how likely is it that things will turn out the same way? Write out all your thought and try to write without filtering or worrying about spelling and grammar. You might be surprised what you discover. Of course you don’t have to wait until you are in crisis to journal, you can write for a few minutes every day to stay on top of your wellbeing.

 

Meditation

Meditation is both a wonderful way to work though any emotions that you might be feeling around the situation you are in, but it also calms the nervous system. When we meditate our heart rate slows and we give our minds time to process what is happening in our lives. Meditating every day is a great way to stay on top of your mental health. There are many ways to meditate. If you try one technique and it doesn’t work for you or you aren’t able to emerge yourself, don’t give up. Guided meditation is a great starting point for most people as it is just like listening to a story.

Why not try one of my guided meditations? 

change

Breathe

If you know me you will know that I am a huge believer in the power of breath work. Simply by taking a few slow, deep breaths you can reverse the effects of your fight, flight or freeze response and begin to calm your body and mind. There are lots of breathing techniques you can use, but just thinking about your breathing will cause you to instinctively slow your breathing and your body will begin to calm down. Hot chocolate breathing is a wonderful way to calm yourself and your loved ones at this time of year. You can find out all about hot chocolate breathing in this article I wrote on Medium.

ritual

Exercise

I know! The last thing you want to be doing when you are feeling anxious and uncertain, is thinking about exercising. Most of us just want to hibernate and eat comforting food. Unfortunately that is the worst thing you can do. When we are feeling anxious or stressed our body is prepared for running away or fighting and the best way to process the chemicals produced is to exercise and use those chemicals the way they were intended to be used. You may hate every moment but your body will thank you and you will feel calmer and more in control afterwards. 

Making sure you eat healthily for at least 80% of the time is also more important than ever when we are feeling anxious. Foods we tend to turn to for comfort; sugary, high fat, caffeinated, alcoholic foods may make you feel better in the short term but when the effects wear off you are left feeling more anxious than before. You also need more and more to get the effect you need so before you know it you are eating and drinking more and more and then you feel worse than ever. 

 

Switch off

If your stress is being caused by things in the wider world, as oposed to things in your personal life, switch off the TV and stop reading the news. We are bombarded by messages of fear by the mainstream media and this doesn’t help anyone. The messages we are given are carefully designed to have the greatest impact on us so that we act and  do what is needed, but in reality it is causing people a great deal of anxiety. If there are really important messages that you need to hear you will find out from someone. Most of the time though there is very little you can do to change the situation and it is better for your emotional state to be blissfully unaware. 

Life in the moment

Anxiety is worrying about something that hasn’t happened yet. By trying to live in the moment as much as possible and focus on the here and now you will reduce your anxiety and feel happier. Want to know more why not read “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle. 

These are just a few simple things that you can do to help you to cope when you are living in a prolonged period of uncertainty. There are many more, but these are the easiest to implement and, in my opinion the most effective. 

As this prolongued period of uncertainty rolls on for everyone, which of these tips will you be implementing to help you stay calm and happy throughout.

 

 

*Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. This means that if you click the link and buy the product/service associated I will receive a small payment in return. The product/service will not cost you any more. I never recommend anything I have not experienced myself. I always appreciate any purchases made using my links as they enable me to continue writing and helping more people. 

Plan and Dream

by | Nov 22, 2021 | Uncategorised

Planning and dreaming

Planning is one of the many things that comes to the fore at this time of year for me. 

With the festive period looming and all the planning that goes into that and the turning of the year shortly after it is only natural, I suppose, that we begin to think about the  coming year and what we hope it will be. 

This isn’t just about planning for work, although I do that too, it is also about the plans I want to make for my family for the coming year. 

Of course there will always be events which occur and change our plans, if the last two years has taught us anything, it is that literally anything can happen and derail us if we aren’t careful. For me that is all the more reason to make plans though. 

In the past, as I mentioned in this blog, I have always done most of my planning in September, but this year I am going to try a calendar year approach again, to see whether I can make it work yet? I suspect I will always be an academic year person, but I tend to do a mini-plan for the new year anyway, so I can always plan again come September if I feel inclined.

Next year I have some big changes both in my business and personal life which I need to start planning for and mentally preparing myself for too. I am making some big shifts in my business which I am really excited about, but I am also preparing for some of the biggest changes I have ever experienced in my family life too. Over the next twelve months we have concerts and theatre trips planned, some which have been postponed for more than two years already (my husband will be seeing The War of the Worlds, which was his 49th birthday present, just after his 51st birthday!). We have charity balls and weddings which have been delayed due to the pandemic which we will hopefully be able to attend this year and I will have to acclimatise myself to my daughter going to university and all the adjustments that go along with that, practical and emotional. 

If you know me, you know that I am a planner.

I love planning!
I plan everything. I love nothing more than grabbing a handful of pens and a pile of dotted paper and getting all my ideas out on paper.
How can we possibly plan for the coming year when we have no idea what it will look like?
Well, I encourage you to plan for things you have some control over; fitness goals, home improvements, hobbies you would like to revisit or take up, changes to the garden, recipes you want to try… It might sound like playing it small, but these are the things that can change your life immeasurably.

planning and dreaming

 

Journaling

There are do many ways that we can take time to process the year we have just experienced. Journaling is a great tool for this. Just take a piece of paper and either a pen or pencil and write. Maybe set a timer for 10 or even 20 minutes and write. Don’t filter anything. Just keep writing until everything has spilled out onto the page. 

So often things come out that you hadn’t even realised you were feeling or thinking. it really is a powerful tool.

 

Meditate

Setting the intention that you will have a greater understanding of the experiences you have had in 2020 when you meditate can be a wonderful exercise. You may see people, places or memories, you may receive messages in the form of images or words to help you make sense of things or you may just feel more relaxed, which is never a bad thing.

vision board

Create a vision board

A great way to collect all the ambitions and dreams you have for the coming year it to create a vision board. Cut images and phrases out of magazines and arrange them on a board on piece of card or foam. Or create a Pinterest board and then create a digital collage. However you create it make sure you put it someone you will see it every day. (I have mine set as my screen saver). Keeping focused on what you want your life to look like is so important. (watch this video for more information)

Have an attitude of gratitude

Starting your new year with a gratitude practise is one of the best gifts you can give yourself. Whether it is starting a gratitude journal where you write 3/5/10/20 things you are grateful for every evening, or waking up every morning and listing three things you are thankful for before you start your day, gratitude is a powerful tool. When you focus on the positives, your brain learns to focus on all the good things in your life and everything feels more positive. 

After two years filled with uncertainty it may feel a little foolish to be making big plans for a year filled with potential disruption again, but in reality, every year is uncertain. We never know what might come up and catch up unaware. We can’t allow that uncertainty to prevent us from fulfilling out dreams and making exciting plans. So whether it is a big business dream or something indulgent and fabulous, make those big plans and dream those big dreams, no-one else can do it for you and you deserve a life filled with excitement and adventure – whatever that means to you.

Are you still learning who you really are?

by | Nov 2, 2021 | Uncategorised

Are you still learning who you really are

Who are you? 

Not who has the world told you you are, or what job do you do. Who you are isn’t the roles you fulfil; wife, mother, daughter, teacher, sales assistant etc. The person you are deep inside, when noone else is watching. When you are at home, alone and you sit reflecting on what you enjoy doing, what makes you happy, what clothes you enjoy wearing, eating etc.

All too often we get swept along with who we have been told we are, over years and years, by parents, teachers, friends… we forget to keep checking and discovering if they are still right – if they were ever right in the first place!

Looking around I see people every day going through the motions, doing what they have always done, because they have always done it, even if it doesn’t make them happy.  

Who has influenced my sense of self?

Over the years there have been many times when I have stopped and taken stock of who I am. I have stepped away from my life in order to do that sometimes, literally, physically. 

A few weeks ago I did just that. I packed a bag and went to my inlaws caravan in Devon for a week. All by myself. I wrote the first few chapters of my book, I ate the food I love, I slept when I was tired and walked to see things that I was interested in. If you are a mum, you will understand what an incredible luxury this is. Everything I did for five whole days I did because I wanted to do it, without having to consider what anyone else wanted to do. It was liberating. It gave me time to create, to plan and to stop and think about what makes me happy and what I want to focus on going forward. 

I also took the time to watch some of my favourite films and read some of my favourite books. While doing this I realised just how much some fictional characters have helped me to work out who I am, who I want to be and even to be brave enough to make big decisions.

I love the March family

Throughout my life certain stories and characters have captured my imagination and my heart, for a variety of reasons. I remember the first time I read Little Women. Faced with these diverse representations of women I was only interested in Jo. She was feisty and passionate, caring and brave. She loved books, writing and education and she was, above all, true to her heart and herself. She wasn’t afraid to cut off her hair and face ridicule to help her family. When Amy is faced with injustice, it is Jo who jumps to her defence. I love Jo March. Over the years I have re-read the book many times and watched the films too, and every time it is Jo I resonate with. I like to think that had I been born into the March family I would have been like Jo. I aspire to be Jo March. 

Little Women
Beautiful book

In my twenties I loved a good romcom (ok, I admit it, I still do!). I remember the first time I saw “You’ve Got Mail”, it captured my heart. Not because of the romance between Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks. No! It was the romance between Kathleen Kelly (Meg Ryan’s character) and her bookshop that I was interested in. She loved her bookshop more than anything, with its beautiful wooden bookshelves, reading area and the essence of her mother’s passion for books. I have always loved books, I dream of owning a bookshop just like Kathleen Kelly’s. Not just the stories books contain, that I love, it is the actual physical item. I can buy books just to look at and never read (and I do!), because they look beautiful. Look at this gorgeous edition of “Pilgrim’s Progress” that I bought in Haworth last week! I will never read it, it’s too pretty, but I love just looking at it, and yes, smelling it!

Eat, Pray, Love

When my friend Lisa Williams gifted me “Eat, Pray, Love” while I was staying with her 14 years ago I wasn’t reading very often. My daughter was 3 years old and I had just had major surgery, but I started reading it on the plane coming home and I couldn’t put it down. Elizabeth Gilbert is a real person, but reading her adventure inspired me to make so many changes in my life. I have never met her, but I read her book and I felt her spirit. I learned lessons by reading her story. Reading how she changed her life by being brave enough to make some big decisions gave me the strength to do the same. I realised while reading this book, that it was ok for me to be selfish sometimes. That doing things because they made me happy was valid. 

Eat pray love

I finished the book in two days, I started a course, changed my career and started on a whole new path, because something in her personality resonated with me. I didn’t copy her. I didn’t divorce my husband and travel around the world. I didn’t decide that I wanted to be like her, to emulate her. Something in her spirit resonated with something in mine and she gave me the strength and permission I needed to make a change. Throughout my life fictional characters, and people I have never met, have helped me to form my view of self. 

The older I get the braver I get. It gets easier to hold my head high and tell people what I enjoy, to admit the things that I don’t want to do. I feel no compulsion to do things because everyone else is doing them, unless they appeal to me and will make me happy. Does that mean that I don’t ever do things that don’t make me happy? No of course not. Sometimes I do things I don’t really want to do because it will make someone I care about happy and that makes me happy. I don’t do things anymore that I know aren’t right for me. 

 

What changes could you make today?

My question for you is; Which characters have helped you to discover your true self? Have you taken the time to discover what makes you truly happy? Do you prioritise your own passions and pleasure when you live your life? If not, why not? What little changes could you make today that would increase your happiness and nurture your true self?

The Power of Story

by | Oct 21, 2021 | Uncategorised

The power of story

Story has been a theme throughout my life. 

As a child I loved to read. Once I could read to myself, I used to hide under the covers reading “The Folk of the Faraway Tree” when I should be asleep. I have memories of reading Famous Five books in our caravan on wet days and getting all the Dr Dolittle books and the Chronicles of Narnia out of the local library. These were special books because they were big and hard backed, they felt grown up. There are so many books that have shaped my life, I’m not sure I could even begin to list them all. 

Not many people know that I wanted to be a librarian as a child as much as I wanted to be a teacher. I made little library cards and pockets for all my comics (Bunty and Beano) and would lend them to other children round the street. 

I spent 40 hours working in our local library when I did my Service Flash badge at Guides and I loved every minute; finding people’s cards when they returned books, putting the books back on the shelves, carefully using the Dewey decimal system, replacing damaged plastic covers… I loved everything about it. When it was time to make decisions about career paths in Y10 we did a strange exercise which involved colouring in tiny lozenge shapes with an HB pencil. We had to answer a wide range of questions about what we enjoyed and it would give us our perfect career choice. Mine came back with Librarian and Museum Curator. By then though I had discovered drama and neither seemed quite as exciting as working in a theatre. Once I had decided that the theatre wasn’t for me, teaching seemed like the obvious choice. I love children, I could stand confidently and present and most of my family were in education. 

Longing for stories

As the years have gone on though, I have realised how much I need writing and stories in my life. I still love reading, and recently started reading fiction again, after years of psychology textbooks and self help titles. I have also realised how important it is to me to write. Whether it is a social media post, blog, newsletter or the book I am currently writing, sharing stories is a huge part of who I am. I studied Theology for my degree and as part of the course we did Theology through film and literature. We learned about the importance of symbolism in stories and of course Joseph Campbell’s Hero’s Journey. I was fascinated by how this story arch fit every popular story I knew. If you haven’t looked into the concept of the hero’s journey please do, it is fascinating, especially if you enjoy reading or films.

Sharing stories is a practice as old as language. As soon as we could communicate we began telling stories to explain things we didn’t understand and creating myths around creation, the weather and the seasons. We tell stories to make sense of the world, how we are feeling and reassure ourselves that everything will be ok. 

This is the power of story. 

Last week I shared that I was having a diffidult day on social media. It was far from the most difficult day I have ever had, but I had had a few disappointments and I needed a good cry. Without fail it was the most responded to post on any of my social media platforms last week and probably this year. When we read about other people’s lives, but particularly their challenges, we feel connected to that person. We feel reassured that we aren’t alone when we have struggles.

Library

My author’s journey

Recently I started writing my first book. It is going to be a memoir and, even though I am only a little more than half way through the first draft, it is proving to be cathartic. I am having to relive some very difficult times and am sharing things that even some of my family don’t know about. I have cried a lot while writing but I know that if my story is having that effect on me, when I lived through it and know what happens in the end, then it is going to be a powerful read – well, I hope so anyway!

Kate retreat

At the start of the month I went away for a few days to make a start on writing my first draft. I knew that to really get a good start I needed to remove any distractions; housework, work for Calmer Classrooms, etc. My in-laws have a static caravan in Devon so I asked whether I could go for a few days to write and do some planning. They were a little worried about me going by myself but I reassured them that I would be super sensible and, honestly I hardly left the caravan. I popped into Okehampton a couple of times to visit a beautiful bookshop I discovered, Dogberry and Finch, and apart from that I went for a walk to find this beautiful secluded church (St Michaels, Brentor) but other than that, I wrote. I wrote and wrote and when I came home I had completed five chapters and had the framework for the whole book mapped out.

Since I got home I have set aside time every week to write a little more. One day it will be finished and then who knows what will happen next. I believe it is a powerful story, but then I would, it’s my story. Whatever happens to it though I will always be so glad that I had the opportunity to write it all out. It has been really therapeutic. 

Writing in all its forms is incredibly healing. If you have ever written a diary, filled in a gratitude journal or written morning pages you will know how deeply cleansing this form of writing can be. I have been journaling and writing in my gratitude journal for many years now and writing my articles and blogs is also therapeutic for me. I will definitely be consciously incorporating more writing and word work into my work with clients, and my own daily practice, from now on. Do you have something you need to write out today? Perhaps something you need to tell someone or something you need to work out. Grab a pen and some paper and start writing. You won’t regret it!

Journaling

Find out more about the power of storytelling:

Be the hero of your own story

The Power of Personal Narrative

The Hero’s Journey

 

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