“Change: has been the topic of the month in The Super Woman Life club for October.

Change is probably the word I associate most with Autumn. The changes seem so apparent at this time of year. The leaves on the trees turn from green to gold and then fall to the ground. The days get shorter and the nights longer. We all reach for our jumpers and boots and huddle round the fire with a hot drink. 

Everything about life seems to change in the Autumn. 

I don’t know about you, but I love it. I love getting under a wamr blanket with a cuppa or a hot chocolate and watching a film with the family, or reading a book, or even doing some work. Everything feels happier and more acceptable with a blanket and tea.

Changes in nature are out of our control. We can’t decide that we want it to be Spring, or that we would like it to snow today and make that happen. We accept the changes and we often embrace them. They are predictable to a degree. We don’t often get weather that is completely unexpected. We grow used to what weather we should expect depending on the season we are in (and I am saying this as a resident of the UK, where the weather can seem really unpredictable at times!).

There are other changes that we accept. We know we will grow older every year, every day actually. With that ageing comes a string of changes; growth, learning, changes in hair colour, number of teeth, height. We may not necessarily embrace all the changes as we head into old age, but we can pretty much predict what they will be. Just as when we are children we know we will get taller, stronger, learn to talk. We know that our hair and nails will grow and that will will learn something every day. It is expected and because of that it feels safe.

Changes we create…

Some changes we create, such as deciding to get fit or lose weight. Perhaps we make the decision to work on our mental wellbeing by meditating every day or doing more gardening. Perhaps we decide to make more effort to change our outside world by decorating, rearranging a cupboard, tidying up more often or recycling more. These are all changes we consciously make. These are the most amazing changes. This type of change empowers us. It helps us grow. It makes us a better version of ourselves and fills us with a sense of achievement or pride. This change is magical. We are in control and we embrace it.

How can we stop ourselves from being floored by unexpected change?

It is important to remember that feeling anxious about change is normal. We are pre-programmed to feel safe when things stay the same. New things may be dangerous so we instinctively avoid anything which has the potential to cause us harm. We are often scared of failing too. Perhaps the change means we have to do something we have never done before, it may be a new job which has different demands or moving to a new area where you have to make new friends. We often convince ourselves that we are not capable of these challenges and as a result we stay in the safety of our familiar life and routines.

However, if we never change, and everything always stays the same, we never experience anything new. We never learn anything and we can never discover new pleasures either.

What can you do to overcome your fear of change?

Accept that being imperfect is exactly what is required of you. You don’t have to be the best. You might have a quiver in your voice when you do your first presentation for your boss, that’s ok. Just by standing up and speaking you have learned to overcome that fear. You have grown and achieved something amazing.

Accept what you can control. All too often the changes that make us most uncomfortable and afraid are caused by someone else’s decisions. We have to accept that sometimes these decisions are signs that we aren’t supposed to spending as much time with them, or even that we shouldn’t have them in our lives at all. We can only control our rection to changes that occur, we can’t always change the decision.

Your life is your choices. Your life isn’t pre-destined. It is a collection of choices and changes. By choosing whether to embrace the changes that occur or reject them you are writing your life story. Sometimes we have to make that big scary decision to embrace a change in order to create the life that we know we are meant to be living. Grab that opportunity with both hands and hold it close, if you run away who knows when it might present itself again.

Take control of the situation. This may sound silly but if you make the decision to accept the change and convince yourself that it is something you want to happen, it suddenly becomes something you can cope with. This isn’t possible with every change, for example it wouldn’t work with grief, but even with illness, you can decide that it is a necessary rest and reminder of your own mortality. Appreciate the lesson in the situation and be grateful for the opportunities it presents. Harness the energy of the change rather than letting it control you. Make the most of what life has given you.

Burn your script. So often our resistance to change comes from a belief that we are not living up to the life we always thought we would be living. We have created a story of what our life will be like, often from an early age, and any deviation feels like failure. It isn’t failure, it is just another choice, another path you can decide to take. Stop and really think about why you feel that your script it the right story. Often we are trying to live our life according to a very outdated idea of what we sould or shouldn’t be doing. Burn that script and enjoy living the life you have been given. Everything will feel so much better.

Find out more about change:

Jason Clarke – TEDx Perth – Embracing Change

Jennifer Jones – TEDx Nantwich – How adaptability will help you deal with change

Recently I have been paying close attention to my personal wisdom.

I have realised that during these times of uncertainty and overwhelm that it is more important to me than ever before. 

When I was younger too often allowed my personal wisdom to be shouted down by the loudest or most authoritative voice on a subject. I was reluctant to speak out about things that concerned me or let the most seductive arguement win me over. 

The older I have grown the less I concern myself with the opinions of others. Increasingly I feel confident that if I am true to myself then I will attract people who feel the same way.  

Challenges come in all shapes and sizes

I have also become increasingly aware that I need to be more proactive in my approach to certain issues. For many years I believed that by not agreeing with someone I was showing that I was against what they were saying. That simply isn’t true and over recent years and months I have seen the importance of speaking out when someone says something I disagree with.

Not all decisions are on a global scale though, or even a national scale.

Personal wisdom is deeper than being true to yourself on public issues such as racism and sexism though. It is also important to listen to that still small voice when it comes to making choices about small scale things like exercise, self care, diet, career choices, social engagements. 

There are times when I listen to my inner voice if I am feeling tired, which I often am due to my acromegaly, or if my family need me. It isn’t wrong to prioritise that over work. Of course it is also important not to let people down for no reason, but if I can possibly rearrange something, I will now. There was a time when I would have pushed through no matter what for fear of letting someone down. 

Now though, I sit quietly, take a deep breath and listen to my inner wisdom. There have been times when I have ignored that voice, but I invariably regret it. Sometimes I think I should do something but when I really listen I realise that it doesn’t feel right. It might be a feeling in my upper stomach, just below my rib cage (solar plexus). Other times it’s a nagging feeling I just can’t shake. However I hear that personal wisdom though, I know to listen.

Being true is more important than being perfect

Do you know what? Since I started listening to my personal wisdom and tuning in to find out if I should go ahead with something I have had more support and my business has grown.  

I spend a lot of time talking about self care and the importance of making healthy decisions. If I then push through no matter what, who is going to listen to me?

By listening to my personal wisdom I know that I am being true to me. If I am always true to me then I will be consistent in everything I say and do (hopefully!). 

Does that mean I am always right? Hell no! 

Does it mean that I always try my best to do the honest thing, the caring thing, the thing which will help others the most, sometimes the thing that will help me the most? Yes, I hope so. At the very least I will always be able to hold my hand up and my head up high and say “I did my best with what I knew at the time”. 

It concerns me that these days many people jump on a bandwagon of beliefs without stopping and listening to see that is what is true to them. We see waves of beliefs and movements rise up and people are keen to be seen to be supporting them. Now many of these absolutely should be supported by most, if not all. Sometimes though, it is important to step back and look at where this wave started before we decide to jump on board. 

Equally there are other issues which are going on under our noses every day which we aren’t made aware of by big movements, but which deserve just as much outrage and airtime, such as human trafficking. It is important to listen to your personal wisdom and decide which issues you really want to fight for and fight with all your heart. It isn’t possible to stand for everything but please, stand for something. Whether it is animal cruelty, global warming, save the bees, pollution, homelessness, #metoo, FGM, the legalisation of cannabis, paedophile rings… the possibilities are endless, there are so many things we need to sort out in the world. But if we all listen to our still small voice and give ourselves wholeheartedly to one cause we will do more good than by standing for everything but only enough to share a meme on social media and maybe sign an online petition.

Be brave. Be bold. Be the hero of your own story. 

Stop the elderly relative who is being wittingly or unwittingly racist in their language (remember you can challenge them without being disrespectful. Acceptable terms have changed greatly in my life time and certainly have over the generations). Challenge the person who throws litter on the floor. Educate yourself about the big issues of our times and then decide to be the voice of change. 

No-one is perfect but we can all make small changes, in line with our own situation and belief system, that when combined with lots of other small changes, creates big change.

We all stayed home for a few weeks during lockdown and the impact on the environment was massive. Many environmental groups recommend making one small change such as getting a milk man who uses glass bottles. Once you have got used to that change, you can make another and another and if everyone was to do the same thing the impact would be immense.

If every time someone said or did something sexist they were challenged on it perhaps they would stop. They may not, but they would at least realise that others don’t necessarily share their attitude. 

Whatever your religion, political view, ethnicity, sexual orientation, nationality, gender you are a human and you have an obligation to care. Whether you channel your caring energy into donkeys, children, refugees, clean water or keeping theatres open doesn’t really matter. What matters is that we care. So listen to your personal wisdom. Go deep inside yourself and find what you are really passionate about, and do it. Whether it is growing organic vegetables for your family or marching on human rights be the change you want to see in the world.